Rise From the Ashes - The Wisdom of Crowbastard and Nuclear Assault

 I think we heard a few more but these are the albums I remember from that ribald night. Nuclear Assault are one of the quintessential 80's thrash metal band. Forging a thrash sound comprised of equal parts New York hardcore and Judas Priest, their first three albums are thrash classics. They are rightfully called The Grandfathers of Metalcore Let us romp through them.

Game Over is N.A.'s debut album and set the formula that their good albums nary deviated from. This album set the basics. It's a rumbly, murky affair; held together by grit, grime, speed, apocalyptic fury, and a keen understanding of the power of the riff. Also, plenty of slower breakdowns that are suitable for moshing. Some longer songs bog this album down, as they do not yet have the technical chops or songwriting skills to hold together a 7 minute epic beyond boredom.

Adventure in Samur Part 3.1 - Terrible Certainty

Chateau Kivilinake is perched atop the southernmost peak of the Kradiken Socrat. Atop the misty 
peak, the gray stone fortress looms like a sleeping behemoth. The high walls cover the peaks of two adjacent mountains. At one end the great tower rises up into the persistent gloom. Upon the carven ramparts, spectral warriors drift in and out of sight, their gauzy armor shifting with the winds. All is 

silent in the snowy wilderness, but in the dining hall, where Mistress Crowbastard has gathered the metal warriors of Centon, a debate is taking place. Iron Dan is on one end of the table, across from Mistress Crowbastard who watches on as he carries on a heated discussion with Duchess VonDoom. Dan speaks heatedly, "No, no, no. We are all rebels now. The only way is to storm Jenkabala. We have the warriors, we have the magic users, let's take this dick down!" Duchess VonDoom looks across the table at the rest of our party, seated around the rectangular crystal table and answers Dan with clipped words, "You underestimate Headron. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge need to enter the castle through the gate here at Narn and face them in the outer dimensions." Iron Dan raises his fist and slams it to the table, "I don't like it. These two are no more ready to take on those titans than two children. They may have the tools but these buffoons are incapable of defending themselves against Headron and Bloodhammer." Mistress Crowbastard holds up her hand, revealing a spiked gauntlet beneath the loose fabric of her cloak and speaks, "I shall open the gate. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge, you must find Lars the Berserker in Narn before you transport to the chaos dimension from the peak of Mount Andervarl. Let us abandon this discord and I shall descend to the gateroom where I shall reveal the true powers of the battle jacket to the young adepts. Iron Dan, you shall lead the forces to Jenkabala palace and reclaim the seat of power from the army of Headron when Bloodmace, Demon Scourge and Lars the Berserker bring their leader into the temporal world." She beckons to Bloodmace and I and we follow her down a dim corridor in the north wall.

Their next album, Survive, corrects these flaws. The songs are streamlined, emphasizing speed, making this easily their most brutal mosh fest. The production is a bit murky, and the album is marred by a truly bad classic rock cover. Fortunately, this is tucked away at end of the album, so otherwise, this is a no frills punked up thrash, the faster the better.

Adventure in Samur Part 3.2 - Behind The Mirror

We are descending stairs in the darkness, down into the stone heart of Mistress Crowbastard's fortress. In the formless, inky blackness that engulfs us, time has stopped. There is nothing but step after step into the abyss. Profound silence closes in on us, like a heavy blanket. I feel for the Dio patch to light my way but it has no power here. I can no longer tell witch direction I am walking, so I close my eyes. Suddenly, I can see clearly. Bloodmace is before me walking down the rocky passage, and in front of him is Crowbastard. I try to call out to Bloodmace to close his eyes, but i can make no sound, as in a nightmare. Our hostess turns her head and puts a finger to her lips. Bloodmace, groping about slowly begins at once to move confidently and looks back at me. The passage levels out and we pass through a crystal studded cavern, rainbows flaring out from the rough walls. Then darkness. I 

open my eyes by reflex and before me is a breathtaking sight. We are not in an underground passage at all, but in a deep, misty valley with impossibly tall peaks rising up on all sides, a verdant eruption frozen in time. Directly ahead of us a gate, made of bones like Mistress Crowbastard's throne room, dwarfs us. The arching structure of whitened skeletons thrusts vertiginously into the foggy sky. This is the dividing point between the world of the living and dead on Centon. Mistress Crowbastard motions for us to take a place around the fire pit and once again begins to speak in her measured northern dialect, "Sit, brothers, for there is much to learn and much that will be left out. You have been told the history of your vestments by Chanthoth but he only gave you an inkling of their real power, for he was in league with your father and Headron. These jackets you wear are not just powerful weapons for you to destroy anything in your path, they, with the others, are the key." Remembering the words of Chanthoth, I speak, "There were more than just these two made?" A slight smile spreads across the Mistress' face as she answers, "There are five. Yours, the one that belongs to Lars the Berserker, mine, and one more unaccounted for. With these five garments you will be able to once again claim the world of Centon for the people of all its nations. Come, let us burn these sourwood branches to call the elder gods. We shall leave our skins here and commune with the pantheon of legend!" With a grand swoosh of her cloak the world goes dark again and I feel the cold rush of the vortex around my cheeks.

Their best album is the third album, Handle With Care. This represents the total perfection of their sound, full of crisp, metallic riffing, and a big, clean production making every instrument audible. Only slightly less ferocious than Survive, the songwriting is much improved, as is John Connelly's high pitched rasp. Songs like Search and Seizure, a full blown thrash anthem with a rollicking riff and almost power metal-ish chorus, make this album valiant headchurner. Even the goofy, funked-up instrumental can't ruin this albums shined-up crossover vibe. Winner of the night, in my humble opinion.

Words of the Elders
 The land of Narn is a chain of islands shifting about in the great spirit lake on Mount Andervarl. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge must now find Lars the Berserker then battle Bloodhammer and Headron in the chaos dimension. Fly, children of Centon! Fly to the outer worlds where the gods eat of the sacred fig tree and send down curses and blessings on this mortal world! 

Until next week, face beaters, 


Horns

Ravishing Grimness - Mistress Crowbastard and Musical Chaos in Samur

 
March Kane traveled from the icy hinterlands to revel with us in unholy metal Dionysian bacchanalia.  All the witches and sorceress' showed up. It was a friggin' party, man. And this was our party music.

Forest is a NS black metal band from motherland Russia. I always thought it ironic that so many Slavonic metal bands are prone to expose the rotten ideology of National Socialism and the like, since Hitler wanted to to enslave and gas all the Slavs. But you have to give the Nazis their due.....they were always snappy dressers, and many of their modern advocates make some pretty damn great black metal. This album, Like A Blaze Above The Ashes, is black metal in the traditional mode; Darkthrone-like minimalism meets Burzum-like ambiance. A cold blast of ice fury from the graveyard of the Teutonic terror.

 Adventure in Samur Part 2.1 - A Blaze in the Northern Sky

The Samurian sky was gray, with light filtering through the low clouds that blanketed the stark landscape. Small, bare trees dotted the gently undulating tundra. In the distance, the first peaks of the area known as the Kradiken Socrat rise from the ground like frozen waves. Duchess VonDoom stares out the windshield of the transport she liberated from a Samurian army base while she was first learning the Narset spellcraft. Soon they would be approaching the Chateau Kivilinake where Mistress Crowbastard guards the gates to Narn. She had known the Mistress during those heady days 

of youth, when the two of them filled their days with dangerous games and reckless wandering. They were feared by many a sheriff and sargent for their antics. Duchess chuckles to herself, remembering the close calls and near misses of their time at the Heraea Agoge. The green pulsing of the tauriat warns of an approaching dimensional rift. From the seat next to her Iron Dan calls back to the rest of us, "We're close, this is the first of the magical traps." The air crackles around us in a blaze of kaleidoscopic sparks as the Duchess swerves, throwing Fester and Ophelia against Frostor and Hellmaster against Lady Deathcrush and Vorthon. Our denim and leather clad driver yells, "Fuck hell yeah! This is more like it!" The rattletrap transport groans and sputters as we dodge one magical mine after another. After what seems like an eternity of white-knuckle action, we skid to a stop in front of the first hill we encounter. Duchess turns to us and says, "From here we'll go on foot through the gate." We exit the vehicle together and stand with her before a stone altar. Duchess VonDoom produces an obsidian dagger and extracts a drop of blood from each of us and smears it in the middle of the sigil carved on the rock surface of the waist high structure. The air once again fills with bright discharges of energy and we feel the oscillating tingle of discorporation.

Next, we heard Belgian traditional speed metal fucks Acid. Acid is basically the Belgian answer to Motorhead, except they are fronted by a chick. The songs from their debut album are simple, catchy as hell, occasionally furious, and give more than a few nods to punk. This is not a thrash fest, but no-frills heavy metal played really fast. They are heavier than Girlschool. Acid are one of my favorite finds of the year and all their early albums are definitely worth checking out.

Next, we heard US trad metal band Abattoir and their 1985 opus Vicious Attack.Once again, this is speedy heavy metal, more in the Iron Maiden/Judas Priest vein, though the vocalist has throaty, almost punkish delivery reminiscent of Paul Dianno, instead of the usual air raid siren style that was prominent at the time. Once again, nothing fancy coming from this band, simply solid heavy metal, slightly generic, but definitely worth a head bang or two thousand.

Adventure in Samur Part 2.2 - Black Leather Queen
 - A rush of air fills my lungs as my body comes together again. We are in a bright, rounded room. Windows all around the perimeter reveal a breathtaking panorama, with the plains stretching out below on one side and the peaks of the Kradiken Socrat on the other. The walls are completely covered with the bleached bones of a multitude of creatures arranged in a kind of mosaic that describes sacred symbols from the many cities of Centon. Before us, the floor seems to be a carpet of digits, tails and spines that converge in the center of the white room. From this point, the black throne of Mistress Crowbastard rises up, dark carven stone erupting from the monotone of the surrounding chamber. Demons and gargoyles are pictured in the relief of the intricate centerpiece and atop this 

impressive edifice sits Mistress Crowbastard herself, stoic defender of Narn. Her dark robes blend in with the color of her perch so that all one can see of her is a pale face and hands. She looks down impassively upon us and speaks, "I have summoned you here because your education is not yet complete. Chanthoth never finished the story of your mother, Thandra and your father, Bloodhammer." I notice that our companions have disappeared. Bloodhammer, Duchess VonDoom and I are alone in this cavernous mountaintop observatory with Mistress Crowbastard, who continues on with her story. "Your mother and father did indeed save us from Headron the first time he tried to break through to this dimension but later your father wandered into the newly formed Time Desert during his travels. Soon after you and your brother disappeared from Jenkabala Castle where your mother was taking care of you. The land was stricken with terror and the name of Headron was on everyone's tongues. When you returned to the palace, the northerners knew there would be cataclysmic trouble. 

Your father owns all of this land under the Samurian treaties that took effect when the T'Chah Karnac had power. After your deaths, Headron took possession of your mother's lands through his agents.One by one the smaller tribes, like that of Ophelia Skullbourne and Fester Blackheart were wiped out by the cruel agents of the Wyverns, leaving only two powers in the north, Headron and the Wyvern. Your father could have taken possession of these lands but, like Headron, he has been banished to the outer dimensions. You have been allowed to come back by your father with the express purpose of wiping out the competition that Headron and Bloodhammer can rule unopposed from behind the dimensional cloak."

  

Bloodmace and I look to one another with disbelief. Is this really the truth? Has our father been in league with Headron the whole time?

 But the winner of the night was perennial Metal Night favorite Darkthrone and perhaps their weirdest album, Goatlord. Goatlord consists of demo material from what was supposed to be the death metal follow-up to their debut album before they scrapped it all together and became a black metal band. A few years later, they remixed(?) the demos and added black metal tinged vocals. The result is almost a dada-esque approach to metal, borrowing liberally from Into The Pandemonium era Celtic Frost. At times, the off kilter rhythms remind one of Ozma era Melvins. This album is disconcerting and most rewarding after a few listens. It is controversial with Darkthrone fandom, garnering much hate in the Metal Archive review section. But we loved it. Fuck those nerds, man. Fuck off and die.
 

Words of the Elders
 And so the story winds on through lands unknown. What started as a quest to see justice be done for the possession of our friend, Zodron the Minstrel has led these wanderers from the sweltering Time Desert to mountainous Waylor and now on from beloved Jenkabala to the mysterious prairie like tundra of Samur. 

Until next week, evil wanderers, 


Horns

Destructor - Exciter Night and a Lake Chawa Challenge

Admit it.....you are weak. You might have heard Exciter before, and dismissed them as some cheesy Canadian speed metal band not worthy of the attention gobbed upon the big 4 (Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax). Hell, you thought they were not even worthy of the second and third waves(Testament, Forbidden, Overkill, Violence, ect). But you were weak, not worthy to even hold their studded leather gauntlets. You failed to recognize greatness when it was thrust in your face, when it held a stiletto switchblade to your throat after bashing down your front door. So come, reevaluate, and grow stronger, you pale, tepid wimp!

Exciter's first album, Heavy Metal Maniac, was a milestone for OTT heavy metal circa 1983. The Judas Priest worship is evident, and the wall of sound production values stick out the most. There is speed here, but old school style; not exactly thrashy, but more in the style of Raven and Motorhead.  Lyrical themes are basic heavy metal themes of overheated masculinity and aggression. Not a whole lot of dynamics, but the clamoring thunder makes for consistent headbanging experience. Perfect music for driving down the road in your Chevy Nova, switchblade tucked safely in denim vest, ready to fight, ready to fuck, ready to strike back at the world!

 The Adventure in Samur Part 1.1 - Delivering to the Master

The land between Jenkabala and Samur is rocky and desolate. We had passed two nights following Duchess VonDoom from the scene of the fierce battle in Jenkabala through the pallid foothills that make up the southernmost part of the Samurian territories. I am joined by those mystics of our group who I could locate for this adventure; Vorthon the Whip of Fate, Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne, Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush. Frostor the Bounty Hunter has also decided to accompany us on our travels, as he has business in the Samurian territories. We have been following the mining trail into the ore-rich region of Lake Chawa, Where Parthon the Younger had become Iron Dan. The maccati that we ride upon are the common mode of transport in this icy region. Standing a head taller than any of us, their long tan fur hangs almost to the ground. The short neck terminates in 

an elongated, hairless face containing a mouthful of vicious looking fangs and two sets of eyes, one at the front and one at the sides. Our party crosses an old-fashioned stone bridge and the Duchess motions for us to stop to give the maccati a drink. She leaps down from her mount and draws a small flask from a pocket of the denim vestment. With a nod, she offers it to me, speaking for the first time that day, "Not too much farther now. Can you locate Bloodmace yet?" I reach back with my left hand and feel the embroidery of the Ghost patch on my right shoulder, but I hear and see nothing. Shaking my head, I reply, "Nothing. Nothing yet anyway. He took quite a spill from the top of that sourwood tree and with all that energy flyin' around, he could be anywhere now." She furrows her brow and looks to the sky, "No, he is close. I know it." I take a long pull from the leather covered crystal flask as she continues, "At lake Chawa we'll ditch the maccati and continue by motor. The magic is strong around Chateau Kivilinake where Mistress Crowbastard guards the gates of Narn. Luckily, I have a tauriat so we can detect the dimensional traps she has laid for the unsuspecting soldiers of Headron." Duchess VonDoom swings back up on her maccati and we all take to our mounts and gallop off, leaving only a cloud of frozen soil and pulverized moss behind.

A couple years later, it's Long Live The Loud, and the formula has not changed at all; it's still all high speed, high vocals, and high intensity, screeching and clamoring as if Ride The Lightening had not been released, still clinging to their NWBHM roots.This is a band that will stubbornly cling to its old school sound for the rest of its existence. You don't experiment with the base elements, you make weapons from them.

The Adventure in Samur Part 1.2 - Swords of Darkness

We arrived at Lake Chawa the next morning. The air was crisp and the sky was clear. The lake stretched to the horizon before us from our vantage point at the top of the ridge that leads down to the beach. We leave our maccati and continue down the trail single file. Duchess VonDoom signals for us to stop. With a complicated series of hand gestures, she opens a passage into the side of the steep hill and we continue into the interior. After a long, curving descent, the rough passage ends inside a large chamber containing a pool of water. Above, light filters in through vine-choked openings in the stony vault. A sudden revving, loud and boisterous disrupts the calm atmosphere and we whirl around to find Duchess VonDoom's transport commandeered by none other than Iron Dan. He rolls from the sub-cavern, where the vehicle was hidden, on to the floor across from us. He shouts, "You'll go 

nowhere without me, VonDoom!" Then, pointing at me, "You owe me for the cleansing of this one's spirit! You know what he did don't you? He slaughtered his friends and allowed for Headron to gain a foothold in Centon. I got the job direct from Bloodhammer, but things didn't go as he planned. Now we gotta destroy this one or you gotta pay me off to forget I ever saw you." The Duchess replies, "Get out. Your friends in the tents by the shore would be interested to know what you do with all the power they have taught you to use. This world is changing, Iron Dan and even the vrilforce of the Samurian mystics cannot stop us." She begins to make spellsigns and Iron Dan's warglove glows red, but from above we hear something over the din of the rattling engine. Bloodmace falls through the roof, showering us with smashed rock as he lands on Iron Dan's back, screaming out, "Daaaaannnnnn!" The two pummel one another with magic fist and enchanted mace until the cries of anger become hearty laughter. Iron Dan breaks out his skein of light ale and passes it around, almost in tears from laughter, and says, "Alright, well I gotta come with you anyways. I haven't seen Crowbastard in forever." He glances at his barbarian buddy and begins to crack up again while the rest of us look at one another, completely puzzled by the strange camaraderie between Iron Dan and the fearsome Bloodmace.

A few years later. It's 1992, and Exciter's 6th full length album, Kill After Kill, has no right to exist at all, but there it is, defiantly old school, leather gauntlets spit shined and polished. If anything, the only concession to (relative)modernity is the relentlessness of the attack. Exciter is a band defined not so much by the distinctiveness of song craft than it is by its instantly recognizable wall of sound, and this album exemplifies their approach to the hilt. You want balls to the wall speed metal. Look no further. This was the winner of the night for me, though I believe Demon went with the first album. But really, we were much to wasted to remember.

Words of the Elders
And so another chapter in the saga begins. What secrets will Bloodmace and Demon Scourge uncover on their quest to the northernmost province of Centon? Have they truly been deceived by Chanthoth and their father, Bloodhammer? If so, to what end have they perpetrated this scheme? This frozen tundra holds mystery and intrigue in its icy plains that terminate in the great Kradiken Socrat, the so called "Roof of Centon." There, Mistress Crowbastard awaits in her basalt fortress, dead and yet dreaming. Veil of snow, be lifted! O vast flatland, expose your dim blue heart to these travelers! Alabaster tower of the north open! Open! Avegnon Matresse! T'Arn!

Until next week, heavy metal maniacs,







Horns

Processional Chant - Of USBM and Duchess Von Doom

Duchess Von Doom....the mysterious woodland survival witch, dropped by with a gaggle of goodies in her bag of human skin. Let's have a gander in the holy mountain, shall we?

First, the Duchesses unveiled the most mysterious and obscure of the bands she dredged from the depths of American scene. Hail, is a dark and weird black metal band from Portland Oregon whose cassette release, Blood Revenge of Death, is so murky and so obscure, that I had to enter its existence in the hallowed Encyclopedia Metallum my goddamn self!!!!!!! It contains 4 inky black and quite lengthy song things. This is the most necro thing I have ever heard. The necro cassette deck blasted forth putrid tones of analog rape. I really could make out much of what was going on, but this is how black metal is meant to be heard, maggots. I killed myself  7 times during this album, only to rise from the dead to worship at the altar of filth. It is well and good that this album is so obscure, as the widespread propagation of this album would surely release ravaging caco-daemons upon the earth. It is quite beyond review.

Here is a track from their first album, since this one does not exist in digital format.


Chronicles of the North Part 14.1 - Island of Domination

Dawn was breaking across the Jenkabala forest. I awoke wondering where I was, as the last place I remember being was inside the vast sourwood tree with Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne and Hell Wraith. My eyes, adjusting to the gray dawn, could make out the forms of my companions and slowly I made my way through the labyrinth of memory. We had convinced Parth-Amon,guardian of the Garm, to allow us to start that dread spellamplifier, and it had worked. I recall there being much commotion, it seemed as though the walls would cave in around us and there was an unwholesome 

 groaning emanating from above, then nothing. We were in a crater huge enough to make me believe the tree had been knocked over, but by what? We had been in the root chamber of the great plant, why had we not been pulled out of the ground with it? I stood and began to walk around. The Garm seemed untouched as well, it's gears still grinding away. That's when I realize we were not at the bottom of the crater, but in the middle. Beyond the machinery, there is an abyss that separates the edge of the floor where I stand and the wall of the crater left by the falling tree. Walking around the perimeter, I can see that there is no passage to the other side, we are trapped here as if on an island. Hell Wraith lies behind me and I wake him first. He opens his eyes and says, "Suspended in the air?" 

I nod my head, he continues. "I tried to stay conscious as long as I could but the last thing I remember is hearing that sound then Parth-Amon was drawing a spell with his hands. Everything was shaking violently, at first it felt like we were moving but there was no inertia, it had no feeling..." As Hell Wraith trails off, Fester calls out from across the floating mesa, "Hey, you guys okay? If anybody's hungry I have some torf!" Opening a briefcase he carries with him, Fester produces several sheets of deep fried dough with sweet and savory fillings, a specialty of his people. "They're delicious!" Hollers Ophelia, waving a thumbs up. Troubled as I am by our situation, torf is a delicacy I have not sampled since before my stay in the realms of death. The four of us munch portentously, staring over the side of our floating prison. "Hai! You there!" At once we whirl around to see a figure perched on the other side of the chasm. Clad in the sacred denim and leather of the north, her black locks hang down around the patch covered vestments. "Explain yourselves fools!" One by one, a group of about twenty heavily armed magic users arrive to flank her on either side. Fester leans over to me and whispers, "Shit, it's Duchess Von Doom and the Narset Coven. We may be in trouble."

Well,as we peeled ourselves from the floor after that motherfucker, the Duchess decided to fuck with our souls with a diabolically quiet affair from a trio of witches from Olympia, WA. Vradiazei is an acoustic band, and their cassette release, Ancient Church, is a dark folk band whose only real claim to anything metal a collection of minor chords and galloping rhythms. Featuring banjo, cello, acoustic guitar and fiddle, this calls upon the spirits of Dark Americana, of bodies found in bogs and hollers, of New England witchcraft, and whispers in forgotten graveyards. This was truly an analog delight, but it did not win the night. No, indeed.

This is an even more obscure band with no YouTube presence, so you know they're cool.


 Chronicles of the North Part 14.2 - Blood Von

From across the gaping divide Duchess Von Doom can be seen making spellsigns with her hands. At the end of this series of complicated sigils she pushes out with her hands then draws them quickly toward herself again. Slowly, the little piece of ground we occupy with the Garm begins drifting toward her. When we bump up against the side and climb up to the forest floor, a grisly sight awaits. The titanic sourwood tree has indeed fallen, and its aspect dwarfs us. As far as the eye can see there is carnage from the battle. The vanquished Wyverns lie crumpled beneath the holes they have torn in the forest canopy after falling victim to Chanthoth's Garm-enhanced spell. Sauron and human warriors are scattered about and large scavenger birds pluck at the remains. For the first time today, I reflect on the whereabouts of our party. I am interrupted in my thoughts by the voice of the Duchess, "Now, what are you doing in my realm? I know you Demon Scourge, death follows in your path. You presence here means that blood will flow in Jenkabala and Samur." The others have backed away and the dark sorceress and I stand face to face in the middle of a circle of eyes. "I see you have been granted the sacred armor of our people, but you have no real idea of its power or just how dangerous it might be to you and your friends. In your race to destroy and make war you have activated the Garm, and we now have to stop it before Headron can locate its position and use it to destroy us." She snaps her fingers and several of the coven follow her on to the floating disc of soil that holds the magical engine. The remainder of the dangerous looking Narcen surround us as Duchess Von Doom and her crew set to work dismantling the fence around the psychic 

amplifier. The Duchess goes into a trance and one of the clerics, with a mighty grunt snaps an outstretched hand to the whirring gears, witch grind immediately to a halt. As if under a massive 

strain, the complicated inner workings of the Garm begin to snap and crumble. Duchess Von Doom 

strains to keep the ground together as her brethren scurry up the hill. as the last of them claw their way on to the lip of the massive crater, she suddenly opens her eyes and the land beneath her feet crumbles away. With a serene look in her eyes she slaps her hand on the Vradiazei patch on the denim battle jacket she wears and as I observe her disappearing into the pit the Duchess Von Doom materializes beside the coven of Narset. In a commanding tone she pronounces her judgment, "You and your brother, Bloodmace have been deceived by the leaders of a world you do not understand. You and your party shall accompany us to Samur where Mistress Crowbastard shall instruct you in the ancient ways of the Chevelargo and Hiuksetl. You have gathered about you the finest group of metalheads Centon has ever known but you will be tested in Jenkabala and the only way you will prevail is to learn the secrets hidden in the past by the rulers of today. Gather your party, we depart in the morning." At once, Duchess Von Doom and her party march into the shadowy forest. In the dissipating morning fog, I catch a flicker of light from behind a tree as they quickly pass. Frostor, puffing on a cigar, gives me a wide grin.

The winner of the night was a sludge/doom one man band from lumber lands of Salem, Oregon, Hell, and their second album, simply monickered II. 4 songs, each averaging 15 minutes long. This is long, drawn out torture music, perfect for a dark and stormy night with your headless bride. Lots of slow grinding atmosphere, and riffs the size of the SunnO))). And, as this was the only digital offering of the night, each dirgy note crisply presented in full sonic majesty. Anguish and despair on crystal meth. You know the deal. Quite soothing.

Call to the sky boat! The metal militia has emerged from the battle victorious! But what of Bloodmace? Has he perished in the wood prison along with the secrets of the T'Chah Karnac? What of Baron Lotar, Lady Deathcrush and Hellmaster? Destiny sings to the champions of Centon, calling them to plunge deep in to the heart of snow-covered Samur, land of mystery, soul of Centon! Who will follow and who will be lost on the road to glory? 

Until next week, necronecks, 




Horns

Sodomythical Frostgoats - Blackened Thrash and More Forest Battles

 Blackened fucking thrash. Like a dank wind from an open tomb its stench engulfs everything. From Burma to Brazil from Thailand to Iceland the mighty spiked gauntlet reings heavy over all metal fans. Who doesn't love Bathory or Venom. Show me the fun-hating butthole who frowns upon Sodom and I'll show you someone who's life means less than dust to any truVe metal fan. With this in mind Bloodmace and I set out on a dark journey into the heart of deepest Asia (and Australia) to uncover the best in christsodomizing unholy frostbearers who torment the ears with their angelripping hatemyths! Ahoy captain! Full speed ahead!

Impiety's Asateerul Awaleen is a hell of an album. From the overlong, Bathory-style intro to the raw thrashing of the closing tune, Blasphemyth... The Seventh Goatspawn, this is what I like to hear. The production is raw as shit, the lyrics are completely unintelligible and there's not a guitar solo to be heard, in other words, perfect. The grim atmosphere hangs heavy, like mountain fog as Shyaithan and the original lineup of this black thrash juggernaut blast through eight battle songs informed by the great German and Brazilian thrash bands of yore. Much like those globe trotting tides of evil, the music of these Asian hate mongers finds a reflection in the frosty black metal of northern Europe. 

Though ostensibly influenced by the great Teutonic thrash of decades gone, you can hear more than a little Darkthrone in the track Divine Hutamahan Frostfuck, and certainly those cheesy keyboards sound more Emperor than Sodom. These are minor quibbles though, for this is an album that I can listen to over and over again. The drums are worth a mention in this department, though the mix makes itself known a bit too much the infernal clanging of drummer, Iblyss' kit catches the ear and sets this album apart from other contenders. This is the first full length by the long-lived Impiety, who went on to release seven more albums and are still active today. Having never heard most of their later catalog, it's hard to say how this fits in the cannon, but I find it to be an engaging slab of ultra-misanthropic metal to soothe the nerves of the most harried wage slave. Winner of the night!

Frostor had been leaping branch to branch, unleashing deadly volleys of gunfire from above the heads of the sauron warriors. He laughs as he spies the harried troops of the royal Wyverns sending their human servants out with a flamethrower to burn out the unseen assassin. The nimble bounty hunter climbs up and around the trunk of the massive tree as the fire singes the branches below. As he jumps to the next limb something catches his eye. A large papery structure hangs from the branch ahead with three or four Lornflies hanging from the bottom, their stingers dripping with deadly venom. A smile grows over Frostor's face as he draws the scope to his eye and releases a single shot that sends the nest careening down to the ground, sending the angry insects swarming through the battlefield. "Nice shootin' there stranger." Frostor's eyes dart up to see Lady Deathcrush perched across from him, "look over there, the Wyvern have arrived from Samur." Indeed, as Frostor peered around to the place where the sauron army was attempting to gather, he beheld the five elder Wyvern circling in the air above. Huge, majestic creatures they were. Their bodies were huge dark forms, lit only by the glow of fires from the battle below and they swooped in and out of the forest canopy. Frostor looked at Deathcrush above and called out, "We better get closer to the ground, one of these clowns is gonna rip us right out of the tree. They're lookin' for us sister!" There was a sound of breaking wood and they both knew what was about to happen. Neither of the metal warriors could see much of the beast, but both felt its scaly flesh as they rushed toward the ground.

Arriving a little later to the scene than Impiety, Zygoatsis does their best to kick it up a notch and what you end up with is their 2011 offering, S.K.U.D. This is a much more bombastic affair with a real death metal edge. This album is more frenetic than ...Awaleen. Where Impiety stick to a moodier feeling and mid tempo pacing until the last half, Zygoatsis goes straight for the throat in the opening track. Evoke the Goatphomet, blasting out of the intro like a ghostly steed to singe the air with it's fiery breath. Drummer Sunyaluxx (formerly of the black metal band Surrender of Divinity, who released splits with Sabbat, Impiety and Bestial Warlust) keeps the sixteenth notes rolling along as guitarists Patiwat and Avaejee fill the soundscape with menacing thunder. Shyaithan of Impiety even turns up to belt out Zygoatical Epidemic Assassination and Black Forced Khaostorms. Overall this is a ultra sick fuckin' album that outdoes the night's champion on speed and brutality, but fell victim to my will.

In the treetop chamber, Chanthoth was madly chanting in the many languages of the sacred texts. A thousand voices issued from this mystic's throat as before him the keys appeared. Bloodmace tried to return to his body from the skin of the forest, but the voice of Chanthoth warned him, "Come gather the keys, you must deliver them. Hurry! Your energy for this spell will not last forever" Bloodmace rushed up through the roots and fibers, up into the floor of the bearded mystic's quarters where the keys were emerging. The mighty barbarian knew what he had to do. Because he had merged with the plant world, he could travel anywhere. His mind was one with the very life force of this planet and he could move at will to any place as he desired. Chanthoth touched the floor and directed Bloodmace 

through the soil and sand, under vast mountains and below the time desert. To seven underground lakes he journeyed, reaching out through sprout and fungi to drop the keys into their places. It was getting harder and harder for him to move. With a tremendous effort, he located his body and lurched into it, falling to the floor with a thud. All hell was breaking loose. Fire was consuming the room in several places, Chanthoth was still chanting, his voice modulated to a terrifying bestial wail. It seemed as though the very air was breaking apart. Outside, the huge body of a Wyvern plummeted to the ground, rocking the very foundation of the tree and sending both men crashing against the wall. It was silent a moment and Bloodmace opened his mout to speak but the terrible sound of a second lizard crashiung through the tree stopped him short. In the moment before the aincent tree began its precipitous decent to the forest floor, he looked across at Chanthoth. It was only a split second, but that moment chilled the hardened warrior to his bones. The face across him was no longer the arboreal shaman he expected. It was Headron, his mouth contorted with spectral rage. They slammed to the ground, bark and branch exploding chaotically around them.

BestialWarlust, who came up at roughly the same time as Impiety contributed the final chapter in our survey of unholy blasphemies from the southern hemisphere. Blood and Valor is the second, and final full length from this excellent underground war metal outfit and has the best riffs of the night hands down. Zygoatsis had the speed and brutality, Impiety dominated, but this band has riffs that are more than just smears of speed or straight up Emperor worship. This album holds up today because the riffs are kick ass. Falling somewhere between Burzum and Obituary, the guitars beat out tasty primitive licks punctuated by pinch harmonic squeals that would make James Murphy smile. I won't lie and say it was hard to decide who was going to take the crown tonight, but to me, this was one of the best metal nights ever.

Even in a single battle there are a thousand stories. Like a deadly prism, its facets reflect every aspect of  a warrior's soul. When steel meets steel and blood stains the ground, the inner life is laid bare. The Wyverns have fallen victim to Chanthoth's spell and the political landscape of Centon has been forever changed. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge are caught in the middle of the tide of history as it rushes into the icy ocean of madness. Behold fair readers! Behold the path of elders, so faint. Hear their voices in the air like dead leaves! Night is almost over, and the dawn breaks over yonder hills...

Until next week, Goatvomiting blasphmongers, 



Horns  

You gotta have gods - Flood the Desert interviewed in Jenkabala Palace

Flood the Desert, Grand rapids based prog metal titans are almost normal dudes...until you see them play. Drummer Jeremy Hyde and Bassist Zach Flora lay down a crushing, polyrhythmic foundation for Duncan Lammas' High-octane shred pyrotechnics, leaving audiences to gather their bottom jaw from the floor and wander into the night. With more energy than a pack of kids on a sugar rampage it was hard to keep the walls of Jenkabala palace intact when they visited us to talk about their new EP, Stolen Prophets, but after a few flagons of Bloodmace's hot blood punch they settled into the luxurious accommodations in the Jenkabala throne room and told us of their adventures...

 Metal Night - So you guys have an EP called Stolen Prophets. Independently released?

Duncan Lammas (guitar, keyboard, vocals) - Yeah, just us. Completely DIY, all our own money (all laugh)

Jeremy Hyde (Drums) - No really...all of it

MN - Where was it recorded at?

Photo by Robert Shooks

D - Mercury studios. With Ryan Cunningham from The Waxines

MN- How long did it take you to record the EP?

D - It was very stop and start. Ryan logged all the hours and it took sixty hours from tracking to final mastering.

MN - What about a full length album?

D - We're in the planning/pre production stage with that

Zach Flora (bass, vocals) - This EP we just put out, those are all older songs that we just wanted to get good recordings with Jeremy

MN - Your previous release, was that an album or demo?

Z - We call it an album so we can feel cool

Photo by Robert Shooks

J - It was called "before prophets" meaning, tongue in cheek, like we haven’t made any money or anything yet. So all this stuff happened, the album got stolen by this company, Distrophonics, now they make all the money off it, we don't see a dime from any sale. The old drummer walked off with a large chunk of the band fund...well all of it

Z - Yeah, that put us back to zero

J - But we quickly made enough money to fund the EP

MN - Who are the primary songwriters or how does the songwriting process come about?

Z - Almost every way you can think of how people write a song, we've probably done it. Sometimes Duncan will write a whole song by himself and have lyrics for the whole thing and bring it up like, "alright dude so this is what I got", check it out" Y'know, and play it and I'll be like "that is awesome, I need a scratch track or something"

D - Then he'll learn it then we'll decide where should we have vocals and basically, Zach's the heavy guy and I'm the light guy there is a little bit of mismatch but like, he does that well, I do mine well and that's a better chemistry than tryin' to hook ourselves into things we're not as good at.

MN - Ok, you guys have an interesting thing going on vocally, amongst other things, but splitting the vocals, where did you guys get that inspiration?

Z - Well, we basically just got sick of dickin' around with people balin' all the time on vocals, and, well, drums even at that point

D- yeah, we were auditioning drummers...

Z - We were auditioning drummers and we couldn't seem to find a vocalist that could sing and then get kind of dirty with the vocals...

D- And carry equipment!

All - Big laugh

D - Sometimes you get two out of three but you rarely get the whole package!

Z - So one day we were just like "screw it"....

D -Like Mastadon's the workhorse chronicles...those guys had to tour and they had a vocalist and everything and basically he quit or had some sort of issue and they manned up and just sort of did it. and that was...we were like, you know, just...start making noise first. If you listen to the EP, everything's on beat, very straightforward, little if any held notes and if they are, it's always for like the whole measure (beats with hand,) Y'know a four count. It's really simplistic vocally, because we had just stared singing and playing at the same time so there's a definite...I dont know who called us "progressive sludge"

J - Oh god

All - groaning and laughter

D - I think that's a fair statement for that EP, because the new stuff is a lot more singy and proggy and what I think people...that go to the live stuff. They're familiar with that style of us, witch is not anything recorded...

MN - We hear you guys played together in another band.

D -...it was In Phaedrus, witch was a five piece...

MN - What's the name of that again?

D - In Phaedrus

MN- uhh, how do you spell that?

All - laughter

D- I N P H A E D R U S, nothing changed, did y'see that? In Phaedrus, what? how do ya spell that?

Z- That was...everybody

Duncan - Yeah, every time someone mentioned Inthaedrius someone would go, "what?" or "how do you spell that?" and then I decided, OK, next band name, nothing made up. No funky spellings, I don't want to reiterate the band name however many freakin' times...

MN - Is this band kind of a continuation of that one?

D - Um, in spirit and attitude, I think

MN - 'Cause it sounds kind of a little like a death metal band name

D - Definitely heavier...half the stuff was written in standard [tuning] because...I really just like when people do that, i mean if you can play half a set in standard then drop to drop D it's like, whoa, you’re versed in both, you’re not just picking one and going with it. We did that for a while and then I realized, that fuckin' sucks, man. You gotta do that every fuckin' show! and he (pointing to Zach) had the advantage of having a five string bass, witch he tuned like a bastard with a low E and a D, so he never had to re-tune anything, so I'm like this, man (pantomimes tuning frantically)

J - From what I heard of Inthaedrius it was more like a...melodic death metal sort of thing.

D - Yeah, the one song that is recorded is really cool

J - Yeah, I was gonna say, it reminds me of a Gothenburg sort of thing...in a weird way, not that you guys ever really listened to a lot of in flames and Dark Tranquility

US - What are your musical backgrounds, in terms of schooling or experience?

Z - I'm self-taught, never had any lessons or anything

J - I can read percussion notation like a champ but it takes me a while to process it. Like somebody learning how to read english in the first six months

Z - Tabs, tabs man

D - Yeah, I'm better with tabs but I'm a music teacher, so I'm pretty proficient with notation

US - I'm really surprised to hear that you guys aren't music school guys

D - It's weird, we're kind of the anti-music school guys

photo by Robert Shooks

J - I'm not anti, but...use what you got. You grow up listening to something technical, well...

D - It depends on what you consider technical, I mean Decline is a bad bassline

Z - Dude, yeah, eighteen minutes of punk rock fury. There's alot of NOFX songs I still can’t play. Some of that shit is just absurd, the speed of it. The Idiots are taking over? Dude, that bassline is so insane

 D- You gotta have gods, so you have something to reach for

Good photos by: Robert Shooks

Crappy photos by us

Flood the Desert online: http://floodthedesert.bandcamp.com
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/stolen-...
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/floodthedesert
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