Friday, July 29, 2011

Florida Death Metal!!!!!!


There used to be this game that they would play on the Howard Stern Show for cash and prizes. Contestants would have to guess whether some heinous and sick crime took place in Florida or Germany. Is it any coincidence that both places are hotbed of metal? Probably.

But back in the late 80's/early 90's, Florida was a hotbed of what Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth called 'crazy satan metal'. He was referring to the death metal scene emanating from Tampa and Morrisound Studios. Bands like Death, Morbid Angel, Obituary, Deicide, and many others forged a new sound from the ashes of thrash metal; heavier, faster, and in some ways simpler, with lyrics focused primarily on death and occult themes. It was the craziest thing going at the time, rivaled only by the grindcore scene happening in England. It's still sounds no less caustic than it did 20 years ago. So here are a few of the many classic albums to came out of that scene.



Obituary's 1990 opus 'Cause Of Death' is one of the heaviest motherfucking albums ever released. It is a propulsion of molten riff after molten riff at varying tempos, from sick slow crawl to blast beats of skull crushing righteousness. The addition of guitar hero James Murphy in this line-up propels the win on this album into the stratosphere, his leads adding just the right touch of melody and virtuosity. Vocalist John Tardy is one of the best death growlers who ever walked on a planet. His voice conjures Satan and everything that is evil; a thick, deep chortle, almost scat-like in it's approach. This album even features a killer cover of Celtic Frost's "Circle of the Tyrants", Frost being this band's logical progenitor. But as good as this album is, it comes in a very close second to the next earthshaker.


Death's classic 'Leprosy' album is clearly the heaviest album of 1988, which was a fantastic year for metal. I would rank this album as heavier (if not greater) than Slayer's 'South of Heaven'. It may be the heaviest album of the 20th century. Nothing sounded like this in '88. Even their previous and primitive 'Scream Bloody Gore' cannot compare. The combination of brute force, technicality with an eye for melody, and intelligently frightening lyrics make this album a classic. Riff after riff just bowls you over, pummels you into submission. It actually leaves you physically exhausted, bringing you one step closer to, well, death. The only small criticism I could make it that the drum sound is weird and a bit compressed, though it actually works well on a few songs. But this is a tiny complaint, as Chris and I agreed that this was the winner of the night.



Coming a distant third is Deicide's 'Amon: Feasting the Beast'. It is a compilation of two demos from the 80's, when the band was known as Amon. It has always been regarded as a release primarily for Deicide fanatics, but I am not one of them, and it is my favorite Deicide release. It is thrashier and the guitars thicker sounding than the albums, a good document of a decent death metal band finding their sound. That said, Chris and I agreed that it comes in third place. It's not terrible, but too gimmicky to be great. The songs thrash around to no where in particular, held together by the band's incredibly tight musicianship. They are capable of shifting tempos and keys at a hair trigger, which holds the atonal riffs in place. But the band tries to be more evil than they actually, Glen Benton's lyrics being either about Satan or taking some horror movie more seriously than it actually is. So it's hard to take this album seriously or for more than a few listens.


That's it for Metal Night for this week. Metal pics have returned. Enjoy our caustic narcissism!








Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Violin Metal

So, I arrive at Chris's apartment. He hands me a beer(a crisp and totally refreshing Leinenkugel Summer Shandy) and says, "So what are we gonna listen to, dude." I see Chris' violin case laying on the bed.

I respond, "How about.............Violin Metal!!!"

Violin has played a semi-prominent part in the more progressive side of the metal universe. The fiddle makes perfect sense, metal bands being over amplified string bands, and fits much better than, say, a tuba. I was certain that Chris would appreciate this, since he plays a mean fiddle in approximately 117 bands.

I knew exactly what I wanted to listen to: folk metal, with a side of doom. Skyclad, Korpiklaani, and My Dying Bride were scrutinized tonight.


Skyclad are the original folk metal band. Think of Thin Lizzy's more folky tunes, but if Phil Lynott grew up on Priest and Maiden instead of Elvis and the Stones. From England, they were the first to meld Celtic influences with powerful metal riffs into a total sound. And they were no mere novelty, their songs are stellar, and their lyricist (and vocalist), Martin Walkyier, is a visionary poet, a bard in the Celtic tradition. His lyrics some of the best in all of metal....hell, all of music, transcending mere genre. Never before during any previous Metal Night had we huddled over our computer screens, looking at the lyric sheet on Encyclopedia Metallum. Chris remarked that is lyrics are more in the singer/songwriter tradition, confessional, like Harry Chapin. I agreed, but much more biting, witty, and literary, drawing from history and personal experience, instead of fantasy.

The album, 'Irrational Anthems', is a classic. Less thrashy than previous albums, this is a streamlined album with a focus on songwriting, instead of riffs. Violin is displayed as prominently as the guitars. Chris noticed a bit of funk in the drum work, not overt, not like funk or rap metal, but subtle. We enjoyed the hell out of this album. My only criticism is that it may well be a little too mellow. They could have turned up the guitars a bit. But I voted it the winner of the night.


Then Korpiklaani's 'Tales Along This Road kicked our asses with their energetic brand of hummpa metal. This was a vastly more metallic beast, but one that comes at you with a smooth mix of raging guitars, accordion, fiddle, and even Jew's harp. The lyrics are mostly in Finnish, which is guttural and fierce sounding, perfect for metal, especially coming from the gruff chortle of the vocalist. The tempo varies from extreme hummpa style thrashing to mellow balladry. The thing I like about this band is their attention to tunefulness. There are many memorable, righteous songs on this album. Chris approved highly of this band. It came in third, though, but only by default, since Chris was a bit more keen on the next album. It is still one of my favorite albums by one of my favorite bands.


After that, we were leveled by the funeral doom of My Dying Bride's 'Turn Loose The Swans'. This was Chris' favorite of the night. It is an expensive, epic, and very slow paced album that takes it's own sweet time setting pace and mood. Most of the songs run between seven and ten minutes long. Violin is used sparingly, but effectively. The vocals alternate between death metal grunt and gothic moaning. The lyrics are of a dark, romantic, and literary bent; what you would expect from an English lit major. And those sweet, slow riffs. They are so mournful, so beautiful, so frightening. The only criticism we had were of a few of the cheesy keyboard arrangements, but that is a minor criticism.

Chris and I sat and talked about music for nearly three hours straight. It was beautiful. It was Metal Night.

Instead of pics, I am just going to post some lyrics.

Sear Me MCMXCIII by My Dying Bride

Pour yourself into me,
our time approaches
so near, that I sigh.
What danger in such an adorer?
We dance and the music dies.
We carry them all away,
as we glide through their lost eyes.
You lift me above myself,
with the ghostly lake of your mind.
Arise from your slumber in my arms.
Your beauty took the strength from me.
In the meadows of heaven,
we run through the stars.
Romantic in our tastes.
We are without excuse.
We burn in our lust.
We die in our eyes
and drown in our arms.


Turn Loose the Swans by My Dying Bride

So little of what we observe, is the girlherself. Elaborate, scented coiffers. Adieud'amour. Vast is the heirs ballroom. Let therich give you presents. Heaven pours fromher throat, as she sings and as she dances.The fumes of rich swine, honeyglazed anddripping, playing in the air. My mouth eagerand wishing. But I return to thisnightingale. Her hair all fiery red. Deep it isand wild. my weakness will be fed. Boyswhipped on the alter of diana, sometimesuntil they died. The cunning wilymerchant, and his four crippled horses. Talestold in warlike manner. The storyteller bythe fire . While musing deeply on this sight,the songster stirred my desire. You aresweet and fine to listen to. Long tressesabout her neck. Yet much is false. Thismighty evening, I've seen no face. This iscrushing me. My quill it aches. Turn loosethe swans that drew my poets craft. I'lldwell in desolate cities. You burned mywings. I leave this ode, splendid victoriousthrough the carnage. I wanted to touchthem all. I wanted to touch them all.


The Wrong Song by Skyclad

Another bad break - burst another bubble
Another lost cause - here's another trouble
Another heart ache - one more chance gone
Another lost chord in yet another wrong song.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on a hillside -
Screaming at the world (only wishing it would hear).
I can't deny that I'm tired of your lies
but I hope if I hide that you'll all disappear.

Can a fat man squeeze a camel through a needles eye? -
As hell freezes over the little pigs fly.

Just when things seemed better than before,
Listen there's a "black dog" howling at my back door.

You say I took it all the wrong way,
and got the wrong end of the stick.
Proceed to water down the truth,
then make me drink it 'til I'm sick.

It's a monkey shine - a mare's nest,
a cock and bull story.
You're talking through your hat,
you're full of sound and fury.

You're wide of the mark, on the wrong scent, barking up
the wrong tree, out of it, not a leg to stand on.

Dignity is one thing that you can't preserve in alcohol,
here's a drug to blow your mind - it's called sodium pentothal.
I've smelt more rats in my time than a sanitary inspector,
so every word you start to speak sets off my lie detector.

Another bad break - burst another bubble
Another lost cause - here's another trouble
Another heart ache - one more chance gone
Another lost chord in yet another wrong song.

Truth often hurts - but it hit me like a hammer,
I've been sweating blood for "product" - I thought it was my art.
Would it have made it tougher (all I've had to suffer)
if you'd come clean and told me the score from the start?

Stop treating everybody like a charity
I may have sold my soul - but I won't part with my sanity.

I was a schizophrenic - my better half left home,
The Samaritans don't answer when I call them on the telephone.

You say the cheque is in the post,
and it'll sound great at the mix.
But we have heard them all before,
have we the memory span of fish?

It's a monkey shine - a mare's nest,
a cock and bull story.
You're talking through your hat,
you're full of sound and fury.

You're wide of the mark, on the wrong scent, barking up
the wrong tree, out of it, not a leg to stand on.

Dignity is one thing that you can't preserve in alcohol,
here's a drug to blow your mind - it's called sodium pentothal.
I've smelt more rats in my time than a sanitary inspector,
so every word you start to speak sets off my lie detector.

The wrong song.


No Deposit, No Return by Skyclad
I remember my grandmother sat with her radio,
tea cup and walking stick set by her side.
As her old fingers reached out to turn up the volume,
I learnt what it meant to be bursting with pride.

She told me some tales of wars great and last,
black and white film stars sha'd liked in the past.
Taught me a few songs she'd learnt as a child,
stunned by her wisdom I listened and smiled.

She said to me "Lad, if you'll be a musican,
go out and be one - but one with conviction.
If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return."
Get no return.
Pay no deposit and get no return.

On time faded photographs I've seen an airman,
Stood next to the wings of a flying machine
and given the choice well I think I would rather
have done what I've done than have seen what he's seen.

I think that the Old Man feels really quite proud,
when he sits at the wheel and turns it up loud,
but imagined his son a lawyer or broker,
not sat on a bus full of drinkers and tokers.

He said to me "Son you can do as you please,
but always stand stright - never crawl on your knees.
If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return."

If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return.
Get no return.
Pay no deposit and get no return.

I've such a short time to tell you so much,
words come second best to a kiss or a touch.
Far thicker than water this blood we all share,
So please don't think that for you I don't care.

Fate may have driven us all separate ways,
but can't sever ancestry - splice D. N. A.
If life seems a road thats uneven and long,
to know where you're going just look Who you came from.

Many have said I take after my mother,
for her '67 was not a good year.
Though often I make her annoyed like no other,
through thick and through thin she has always been near.

Sometimes in the cold now I catch myself smiling,
'bout some stupid joke or a christmas tree shining.
I stood there so small 'neath that glittering tower,
it's memory a beacon in my darkest hour.

She said to me "Martin, whatever you'll be,
there's no such thing as a meal thats for free.
If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return."

If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return.
Get no return.
Pay no deposit and get no return

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Doomed, I say.........DOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!

It was another slightly abbreviated Metal Night, but no less soul crushing in it's implications. We listened to a couple Sabbath worshiping stoner metal bands, and drank some cheap ass beer, and shot heroin into each others eyeballs with dirty needles.


Chris had a gig Monday, so we only had time to listen one album, which was "Heavier Than Thou", an awesome SST compilation of the primeval doom metal band St. Vitus. You've got to hand it to SST, home of Black Flag, The Minutemen, and early Husker Du, to sign a metal band to their label back in the day. But SST were always a very eclectic punk label. Not the typical Maximum RnR style punk fundamentalists, SST was run by a bunch of hippies who were into many types of alternatives musics.

Perhaps part of the reason was due to the stripped down, incredibly basic sound these guys were putting forth. St. Vitus were the first stoner metal band, man. When they formed in the late 70's, Black Sabbath had put out Technical Extasy amd Never Say Die, which were departures from their previous style, so you could imagine these guys were smoking weed and drinking beers in an alley somewhere in LA at the time, and were like, "Dude, I wish Sabbath didn't suck right now." "OH, fuck yeah, man! We should form a band!"

But but they didn't just clone Black Sabbath, they twisted it, mutated the sound, and stripped it down to it's bare essentials. Gone is the noodling and in it's place is an ambiance of howling despair, and thick, wah-wah enhanced tones. Their songs are odes to desperation, fear, alienation, and drugs. Check out the lyrics to 'Clear Windowpane':

"I see colours everywhere
I have things living in my hair
In the dark, I see lights
My brain is working overtime
On clear windowpane

In my house, all things glow
My walls are a living light show
Purple dragons, smoke with me
I have friends only I can see
On clear windowpane

I can't handle coming down
'Cause I can't take the human crowd
I can't face reality
So I fly back to where I am free
On clear windowpane"


As good as Heavier Than Thou is, it's nowhere near as desperate and jarring as the album we heard the next day, Eyehategod's classic slab 'o sludge "Take As Needed For Pain". That album is a mother...errrr....sisterfucker. Largely regarded as the greatest sludge album ever made, it is nearly 50 minutes of pure hate and drug induced agony, like a heroin withdrawl session gone awry. If you don't know what sludge is exactly, take 'grunge', and add more screaming and dirty needles. Occasionally, the riffs will sound like Soundgarden's heavier moments, but these cretins are not trying to rock out as much as lull you into an evil stupor. And the riffs are just classic; oozing, smoldering, and Sabbath drenched. This was one of my favorite albums to torture passengers with when I drove taxi. Chris was converted to this album on this holy Metal Night, having heard it before, and now just appreciating it's sick grooves. And that makes it the winner.And check out these lyrics from 'Sisterfucker (Part 1). Vocalist and sick fuck Mike Williams is a published poet:

"Screw mommy; mommy screwed
Lick golden sky like rain
My sight sees stormweather
Weathered like wood

Peer into glass yellowed
Curtains stained with smoke
Meloncholy crush
In love with hurt the rust

Burn her
Burn her
Burn her

Rape

This ink is dripping
A certain somebody
Whatever these words
Stood for I've gottten over
We live down the road
Things were at their worst"



See you next week, fuckos.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Summertime Revelry

Hey, dudes, this Metal Night update will be a little shorter, since it took place on a Sunday and we were partying poolside. We took Chris' jambox tapeplayer to Audria's mom's house, who were away, and shit man, we was partyin' and there wuz hot babes around and shit in the swimming poolman and we wuz like fuck man let's drink some beers and relax which is basicly what we do anyway minus hot babes and a swimming pool so maybe we lost focus a little. We jammed out to some lighter fare, like Danzig, and Black Sabbath, and Yngwie Malmsteen. Here the albums we listened too:




Shit, man, you know all these fuckin' albums are classics. Danzig is like AC/DC if like they were really Satan worshipers and a midget Elvis impersonator was their lead vocalist. Striped down, man. Good tunes. Master of Reality is one of the founding fuckin' documents of all of metal, and is like soooo fuckin' sweet and shit. Heavy heavy heavy. Yngwie malmsteen may look like a fag but he sure can play his fuckin' guitar like a motherfucker like all fast and shit faster than Eddy Van Halen and like there was this one time I called Z-Rock back in the 80's and asked them to play some fuckin' Yngwie and the dick DJ was like oh fuck no i hate flootetty flootetty flootetty bullshit give me some Randy Rhoades so I called him a fag and hung up because Yngwie was like rockin a Dio vibe on Trilogy.

We tried to listen to Ratt's Out of The Cellar but you know that little fuzzy on the bottom of cassettes that makes them play and shit well that thing came off and we couldn't play this sweet album which is like a ridin' the bus to school classic all the dudes on my bus would be jammin their shit to Ratt and when it was the girl's turn they would break out New Edition like a bunch of fags to torture us. All my cassette's are like 50 years old.

We also heard a little bit of St. Vitus but we'll listen to the rest of that shit next week. Man, this review is kind of long! What the fuck was I thinkin'?

Friday, July 1, 2011

Metal Blade Madness!!!!

Hairy muscle men, clad in leather embedded with razor sharp steel spikes, unsheathe their swords to do battle. No, this isn't a gay leather bar, this is..........METAL NIGHT!!!!

Tonight was early 80's Metal Blade Records night. Early 80's MB was special time for Heavy Metal, where every bargain basement Iron Maiden clones or proto-speed metal bands could seemingly get signed to Metal Blade. Back in the early 90's, these bands were deemed so cheesy and uncool that their albums were frequently found is the 99 cent discount bins. Now you could end up spending $50 on Ebay for a mint condition first press. Tonight, we reviewed the cream of the crop.

We couldn't make up our minds as to which Omen album we should listen to, so we picked two. Omen are the quintessential early power metal band. Their world is inhabited solely by dragons, minotaurs, ghastly beasts, wenches, and the mighty men who put their swords to them. Their music never strays from the Iron Maiden formula, being content to explore their sound within those confines, though a hint of speed metal muscles up the sound. My favorite Omen album is 'The Curse', their most polished and technical album, which contains one of my all time favorite jams, 'Teeth of the Hydra'. J.D. Kimball's gravely wail is the perfect harbinger of doom. Chris is more partial to one of his alltime favorite metal albums 'Battle Cry', their first album. Battle Cry is much more raw and pummeling, a straight forward and raging iron fest. Both albums fucking rock.

Next up, we reviewed Metal Blade perennials Cirith Ungol. We were surprised by their first album, 'Frost and Fire'. Self released in 1980 (we thought they existed solely on Metal Blade), Frost and Fire has the 70's written all over it. Traces of Thin Lizzy, Alice Cooper, and Iggy Pop(!) fit in weirdly with the Judas Priest and Black Sabbath derived riffs. It is all punctuated by Tim Baker's distinctive raspy yelp. Despite the Micheal Moorcock album cover, the lyrics do not explicitly reference sword and sorcery, having more of a streetwise attitude. Chris and I liked this album alot. Their next album, 'King Of The Dead', is more of a straight forward metal album, but is no Maiden clone, possessing one of the most singular sounds of the era. This is more like Black Sabbath and Budgie, prog tinged, bass heavy, and epic, the lyrics describing escapist fantasies and nightmares. Tim Baker's aquired taste vocals hint at the thrash metal and even death metal garglings to come. We like this one alot, too.

I wasn't all that crazy about Fates Warning's debut 'Night on Bröcken'. Though they developed into a pioneering prog metal band, the debut is nothing but a standard issue Maiden clone, vocalist John Arch trying his darnedest to out yelp Bruce Dickinson. Much better was the early Fates Warning line-up reunion on John Arch's solo EP, 2003's 'Twist of Fate'. Two songs, one 12 minutes and the other slightly over 15, they can be forgiven for sounding like Dream Theater, since they pioneered that sound. Chris was more into these albums than I was, since Fates Warning is one of his favorite metal bands. I do respect this band, though, and Awaken The Guardian is fucking classic.

Chris invited Ted Roper over to listen to Attacker's Battle At Helm's Deep. We chilled with Ted and beheld the albums cheezy delights. Again, a pure Maiden clone, featuring a seemingly castrato vocalist. You either like this sort of thing or you don't. I liked it swell.

And yeah, we got so fucked up that we forgot to declare a winner.

Dan Falicki showed up and drank all our damn 7 Crown. So I fashioned his skull into a belt buckle and flew his remains on my majestic wings all the way back to Belmont. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! METAL NIGHT RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!