Destructor - Exciter Night and a Lake Chawa Challenge

Admit it.....you are weak. You might have heard Exciter before, and dismissed them as some cheesy Canadian speed metal band not worthy of the attention gobbed upon the big 4 (Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax). Hell, you thought they were not even worthy of the second and third waves(Testament, Forbidden, Overkill, Violence, ect). But you were weak, not worthy to even hold their studded leather gauntlets. You failed to recognize greatness when it was thrust in your face, when it held a stiletto switchblade to your throat after bashing down your front door. So come, reevaluate, and grow stronger, you pale, tepid wimp!

Exciter's first album, Heavy Metal Maniac, was a milestone for OTT heavy metal circa 1983. The Judas Priest worship is evident, and the wall of sound production values stick out the most. There is speed here, but old school style; not exactly thrashy, but more in the style of Raven and Motorhead.  Lyrical themes are basic heavy metal themes of overheated masculinity and aggression. Not a whole lot of dynamics, but the clamoring thunder makes for consistent headbanging experience. Perfect music for driving down the road in your Chevy Nova, switchblade tucked safely in denim vest, ready to fight, ready to fuck, ready to strike back at the world!

 The Adventure in Samur Part 1.1 - Delivering to the Master

The land between Jenkabala and Samur is rocky and desolate. We had passed two nights following Duchess VonDoom from the scene of the fierce battle in Jenkabala through the pallid foothills that make up the southernmost part of the Samurian territories. I am joined by those mystics of our group who I could locate for this adventure; Vorthon the Whip of Fate, Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne, Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush. Frostor the Bounty Hunter has also decided to accompany us on our travels, as he has business in the Samurian territories. We have been following the mining trail into the ore-rich region of Lake Chawa, Where Parthon the Younger had become Iron Dan. The maccati that we ride upon are the common mode of transport in this icy region. Standing a head taller than any of us, their long tan fur hangs almost to the ground. The short neck terminates in 

an elongated, hairless face containing a mouthful of vicious looking fangs and two sets of eyes, one at the front and one at the sides. Our party crosses an old-fashioned stone bridge and the Duchess motions for us to stop to give the maccati a drink. She leaps down from her mount and draws a small flask from a pocket of the denim vestment. With a nod, she offers it to me, speaking for the first time that day, "Not too much farther now. Can you locate Bloodmace yet?" I reach back with my left hand and feel the embroidery of the Ghost patch on my right shoulder, but I hear and see nothing. Shaking my head, I reply, "Nothing. Nothing yet anyway. He took quite a spill from the top of that sourwood tree and with all that energy flyin' around, he could be anywhere now." She furrows her brow and looks to the sky, "No, he is close. I know it." I take a long pull from the leather covered crystal flask as she continues, "At lake Chawa we'll ditch the maccati and continue by motor. The magic is strong around Chateau Kivilinake where Mistress Crowbastard guards the gates of Narn. Luckily, I have a tauriat so we can detect the dimensional traps she has laid for the unsuspecting soldiers of Headron." Duchess VonDoom swings back up on her maccati and we all take to our mounts and gallop off, leaving only a cloud of frozen soil and pulverized moss behind.

A couple years later, it's Long Live The Loud, and the formula has not changed at all; it's still all high speed, high vocals, and high intensity, screeching and clamoring as if Ride The Lightening had not been released, still clinging to their NWBHM roots.This is a band that will stubbornly cling to its old school sound for the rest of its existence. You don't experiment with the base elements, you make weapons from them.

The Adventure in Samur Part 1.2 - Swords of Darkness

We arrived at Lake Chawa the next morning. The air was crisp and the sky was clear. The lake stretched to the horizon before us from our vantage point at the top of the ridge that leads down to the beach. We leave our maccati and continue down the trail single file. Duchess VonDoom signals for us to stop. With a complicated series of hand gestures, she opens a passage into the side of the steep hill and we continue into the interior. After a long, curving descent, the rough passage ends inside a large chamber containing a pool of water. Above, light filters in through vine-choked openings in the stony vault. A sudden revving, loud and boisterous disrupts the calm atmosphere and we whirl around to find Duchess VonDoom's transport commandeered by none other than Iron Dan. He rolls from the sub-cavern, where the vehicle was hidden, on to the floor across from us. He shouts, "You'll go 

nowhere without me, VonDoom!" Then, pointing at me, "You owe me for the cleansing of this one's spirit! You know what he did don't you? He slaughtered his friends and allowed for Headron to gain a foothold in Centon. I got the job direct from Bloodhammer, but things didn't go as he planned. Now we gotta destroy this one or you gotta pay me off to forget I ever saw you." The Duchess replies, "Get out. Your friends in the tents by the shore would be interested to know what you do with all the power they have taught you to use. This world is changing, Iron Dan and even the vrilforce of the Samurian mystics cannot stop us." She begins to make spellsigns and Iron Dan's warglove glows red, but from above we hear something over the din of the rattling engine. Bloodmace falls through the roof, showering us with smashed rock as he lands on Iron Dan's back, screaming out, "Daaaaannnnnn!" The two pummel one another with magic fist and enchanted mace until the cries of anger become hearty laughter. Iron Dan breaks out his skein of light ale and passes it around, almost in tears from laughter, and says, "Alright, well I gotta come with you anyways. I haven't seen Crowbastard in forever." He glances at his barbarian buddy and begins to crack up again while the rest of us look at one another, completely puzzled by the strange camaraderie between Iron Dan and the fearsome Bloodmace.

A few years later. It's 1992, and Exciter's 6th full length album, Kill After Kill, has no right to exist at all, but there it is, defiantly old school, leather gauntlets spit shined and polished. If anything, the only concession to (relative)modernity is the relentlessness of the attack. Exciter is a band defined not so much by the distinctiveness of song craft than it is by its instantly recognizable wall of sound, and this album exemplifies their approach to the hilt. You want balls to the wall speed metal. Look no further. This was the winner of the night for me, though I believe Demon went with the first album. But really, we were much to wasted to remember.

Words of the Elders
And so another chapter in the saga begins. What secrets will Bloodmace and Demon Scourge uncover on their quest to the northernmost province of Centon? Have they truly been deceived by Chanthoth and their father, Bloodhammer? If so, to what end have they perpetrated this scheme? This frozen tundra holds mystery and intrigue in its icy plains that terminate in the great Kradiken Socrat, the so called "Roof of Centon." There, Mistress Crowbastard awaits in her basalt fortress, dead and yet dreaming. Veil of snow, be lifted! O vast flatland, expose your dim blue heart to these travelers! Alabaster tower of the north open! Open! Avegnon Matresse! T'Arn!

Until next week, heavy metal maniacs,







Horns

The Death Gate of Reincarnation - Canadian metal and slaughter at Castle Thrashstone

This is this song that brought the world of Canadian Metal to our attention. I mean, Americans rarely ever think about Canada, anyway, so we are thankful that Fenriz and Nocturno Culto brought this to the attention of the Metal Universe. Canadian Metal is fucking awesome! Canada has way more real metal bands per capita than the USA, and a no bullshit aesthetic is quite apparent upon a sampling of them. Canada's metal bands are less watered down than American metal bands, kind of in the way our beer if often inferior. This entry is therefore an ode to Canadian supremacy! Let us take a journey through the frozen hinterlands of CANADIAN METAL!!!

Castle Thrashstone was cold and dark as we materialized into the great chamber. Bloodmace, Lord Raknar and I had teleported here from the forest of Samur with Lady DeathCrush to heal the stricken Hellmaster who had been bewitched by the lizard queen in our encounter with the Wyvern. DeathCrush snaps her fingers and the great hearth roars with fire. Whirling around suddenly, she addresses us all. “We must heal Hellmaster at once. The Wyvern elders have revealed to me that Lord Headron plans to destroy the multidimensional lands in an attempt to activate the shadow realm. Our friend Zodron the minstrel was not Hedron’s only victim. He has stolen the will of many to power the spell that will bring cataclysmic changes and open the gate for the ever-expanding shadow that has already fallen over time and space.” Immediately, Bloodmace begins preparations for the dangerous magic he must work to bring Hellmaster out of his trance. Apparently, the lizard people we encountered and battled in Witch’s Valley were the Sauropeds. These people were the sworn servants of the Wyverns and served as their messengers on this plane. By brutally killing them and threatening their princess, we had earned the wrath of the Wyvern elders. But even they, enraged as they were, had to spare the lives of our party if only to preserve the temporal integrity of the multidimensional lands. Hedron’s plan would destroy all they worked for as well, for they had a stake in preserving the patriarchy that ruled over the lands outside Jenkabala and the Time Desert. They could not destroy all of us but the princess wanted one of our party in particular, and that one was Hellmaster. She felt his offence as one of the royal family in their very lands was too great to be ignored and demanded his punishment. Having repudiated the ancient religion of his people, none would come to his aid but DeathCrush had a plan, as always. She knew Bloodmace’s powers and negotiated a punishment that was known as the “loss of soul,” a heavy duty hypnomorph spell that the Sauroped people believed was the death of one’s soul. This would fulfill his obligations but leave him to be healed by the mighty Bloodmace.

First album of the night was the caustic fuckstorm of Kataklysm's first album 'Sorcery'. One glance at the album cover would have you thinking that this was some sword and sorcery he-man fest in the vein of Cirith Ungol and Omen, but this is brutal old school death metal. with a drummer who laid the groundwork for the ultra-fast death metal style that was to emerge in the late 90's. This is simply great death metal, chock full of great riffs, thick guitar tones, and sick grooves. Lyrically, this is weird, cryptic concept album about magic and the nether beasts of yore.  More than a cursory peek at the lyric sheet is necessary to decipher whatever the fuck is going on in the story.

Bloodmace was chanting, moving into the mind of Hellmaster, screaming now, cracks forming in dirt caked flesh. Both warriors are in the magic circle with the unseen forces marshaled against us by the Sauropeds and the Wyvern. Blood and vomit splatter the walls of Castle Thrashstone. Burning goo cuts the flesh of Lord Raknar, who curses and spits. Hellmaster screams with the voice of a beast “ONE OF YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Bloodmace sprays laser blood out of his eyes. Then silence. The spell is broken. We have one day to prepare for Dantor. As Bloodmace and Hellmaster rest, DeathCrush and I use the amulets made of Zodron’s skull and the Wyvern blood to conjure the door. Lord Raknar sits uneasily by the others and waits for them to wake from their black, dreamless slumber.

But the night's winner was, without a doubt, Annihilator's 1989 debut, 'Alice In Hell'. This is a true thrash classic, a sleek metal machine built from the mighty axe work of Jeff Waters. The beast master acoustic into lulls you into succor, until riff after well constructed riff bowls you over with power and majesty, guitar solos slice your guts, and rhythm section thrash you into oblivion with a sense of metallic grace. This is a guitar fetishists album. It is all GUITAR GUITAR GUITAR!!!!! It is an album that is so purely metal that all your pleasure centers in your brain squeal in delight and agony. It lays to waste even the Wasteland! Arrrrg!!! Fuckin' rules!!!

 

The next evening, as the sun descends, Bloodmace and Hellmaster appear in the great hall with corpsepaint and leather, ready for battle. The gate is prepared, symbols painted in Wyvern blood, incense smoke heavy in the air. Bloodmace begins to incant the secret words that will open the gate to Dantor as I step into the middle of the room “Don’t bother with you spells, barbarian. I have been here the whole time.” Silence falls over the stunned warriors as I reveal the horrible truth. “HA! You have fallen into my trap and now you shall die along with your precious world. HAHAHAHAHA! DIE FOOLS!” I, Demon Scourge who is also Lord Headron of Dantor wave my hand and burn through the flesh of the metal warriors who I have traveled with on the way to their destruction. “I will build a Hot Topic in Jenkabala palace with your name on it Bloodmace!” The enraged warrior swings at me with his mace but I grab the crude weapon from his hand and toss it into the growing abyss. Bloodmace cries out “AAAARGHHHHH! Curse you Headron. We will destroy you!” He pushes me toward the yawning portal as Hellmaster and DeathCrush dart across the cavernous hall with swords drawn. Master Raknar sneaks around from the side and tries to remove one of the amulets but he is sucked into the void. From the other side of the gateway comes a low rumbling. The transformation has begun. Stone floors crack and burst, revealing a dark, torrid sea of slick waves and everything around us begins to fade away, leaving only the chaos dimension. Bloodmace looks up at me from the last bit of floor we stand on. I cannot hear the words he whispers or make out the sign his hand traces in the air but when the first rush of pain racks my body I know what he has done. Waylorian magic is deep and he has drawn from the dangerous pool of that infernal knowledge. Blood drips from my burning skull as it caves in on the side and I know that I will soon be caught in the inferno, swept away on the stormy currents that even now are being obscured by the return of physical reality. Castle Thrashstone was cold and dark. Bodies were scattered everywhere. The crumpled forms of five players in an obscure game were dimly illuminated by the breaking dawn. Ice formed over the time desert and crystals hung from the ceiling like vast chandeliers, stained ruby red with the blood of hero and villain. From the shadowy recesses deeper within the castle, Bathory is heard and a cloaked figure emerges. Light pierces the horizon.     

A bit more ragged, a bit more evil, but no less awesome was our last album, Razor's 2nd release 'Evil Invaders'. This is in many ways quintessential Canadian thrash album. While Annihilator's thrash metal is sleek and slick, most Canadian thrash is a bit more lo-fi and punkish, and Razor exemplify this. Vocalist Sheepdog(???) has the perfect vocal attack for thrash, gargly but distinct. The guitar work is basic and simple, not overwheming the rest of the band. That's one thing that is wonderful about this band; no one player dominates, the whole band melds to deliver a singular necksnapping attack. This is good, basic thrash metal.





I have a feeling we'll be returning to this magic metal land of Canada in the near future. Now off I go to fight shaggoths and faggoths!!!! DEATH TO FALSE METAL!!!! ALL HAIL METAL NIGHT!!!!

Friends, enemies, patriots and traitors. When the great tide of events changes direction all are carried out into the churning unknown. In a land where the boundaries of many physical worlds abut one another there will always be shifting allegiances and ruptures in the dimensions. None but the dwellers of the void and our gateway plane can understand the secret war that rages for control of the multiverse. Let the keepers of the Timewind hear our cry! Let the lords above the kings above the masters tremble with this word! IA! We have gone together to the entryway of your castle and now we will RETUN to this strange realm of might and magic. You have turned us back this time but we have not been destroyed. Until next week metal breathren…

Horns.