The Death Gate of Reincarnation - Canadian metal and slaughter at Castle Thrashstone

This is this song that brought the world of Canadian Metal to our attention. I mean, Americans rarely ever think about Canada, anyway, so we are thankful that Fenriz and Nocturno Culto brought this to the attention of the Metal Universe. Canadian Metal is fucking awesome! Canada has way more real metal bands per capita than the USA, and a no bullshit aesthetic is quite apparent upon a sampling of them. Canada's metal bands are less watered down than American metal bands, kind of in the way our beer if often inferior. This entry is therefore an ode to Canadian supremacy! Let us take a journey through the frozen hinterlands of CANADIAN METAL!!!

Castle Thrashstone was cold and dark as we materialized into the great chamber. Bloodmace, Lord Raknar and I had teleported here from the forest of Samur with Lady DeathCrush to heal the stricken Hellmaster who had been bewitched by the lizard queen in our encounter with the Wyvern. DeathCrush snaps her fingers and the great hearth roars with fire. Whirling around suddenly, she addresses us all. “We must heal Hellmaster at once. The Wyvern elders have revealed to me that Lord Headron plans to destroy the multidimensional lands in an attempt to activate the shadow realm. Our friend Zodron the minstrel was not Hedron’s only victim. He has stolen the will of many to power the spell that will bring cataclysmic changes and open the gate for the ever-expanding shadow that has already fallen over time and space.” Immediately, Bloodmace begins preparations for the dangerous magic he must work to bring Hellmaster out of his trance. Apparently, the lizard people we encountered and battled in Witch’s Valley were the Sauropeds. These people were the sworn servants of the Wyverns and served as their messengers on this plane. By brutally killing them and threatening their princess, we had earned the wrath of the Wyvern elders. But even they, enraged as they were, had to spare the lives of our party if only to preserve the temporal integrity of the multidimensional lands. Hedron’s plan would destroy all they worked for as well, for they had a stake in preserving the patriarchy that ruled over the lands outside Jenkabala and the Time Desert. They could not destroy all of us but the princess wanted one of our party in particular, and that one was Hellmaster. She felt his offence as one of the royal family in their very lands was too great to be ignored and demanded his punishment. Having repudiated the ancient religion of his people, none would come to his aid but DeathCrush had a plan, as always. She knew Bloodmace’s powers and negotiated a punishment that was known as the “loss of soul,” a heavy duty hypnomorph spell that the Sauroped people believed was the death of one’s soul. This would fulfill his obligations but leave him to be healed by the mighty Bloodmace.

First album of the night was the caustic fuckstorm of Kataklysm's first album 'Sorcery'. One glance at the album cover would have you thinking that this was some sword and sorcery he-man fest in the vein of Cirith Ungol and Omen, but this is brutal old school death metal. with a drummer who laid the groundwork for the ultra-fast death metal style that was to emerge in the late 90's. This is simply great death metal, chock full of great riffs, thick guitar tones, and sick grooves. Lyrically, this is weird, cryptic concept album about magic and the nether beasts of yore.  More than a cursory peek at the lyric sheet is necessary to decipher whatever the fuck is going on in the story.

Bloodmace was chanting, moving into the mind of Hellmaster, screaming now, cracks forming in dirt caked flesh. Both warriors are in the magic circle with the unseen forces marshaled against us by the Sauropeds and the Wyvern. Blood and vomit splatter the walls of Castle Thrashstone. Burning goo cuts the flesh of Lord Raknar, who curses and spits. Hellmaster screams with the voice of a beast “ONE OF YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Bloodmace sprays laser blood out of his eyes. Then silence. The spell is broken. We have one day to prepare for Dantor. As Bloodmace and Hellmaster rest, DeathCrush and I use the amulets made of Zodron’s skull and the Wyvern blood to conjure the door. Lord Raknar sits uneasily by the others and waits for them to wake from their black, dreamless slumber.

But the night's winner was, without a doubt, Annihilator's 1989 debut, 'Alice In Hell'. This is a true thrash classic, a sleek metal machine built from the mighty axe work of Jeff Waters. The beast master acoustic into lulls you into succor, until riff after well constructed riff bowls you over with power and majesty, guitar solos slice your guts, and rhythm section thrash you into oblivion with a sense of metallic grace. This is a guitar fetishists album. It is all GUITAR GUITAR GUITAR!!!!! It is an album that is so purely metal that all your pleasure centers in your brain squeal in delight and agony. It lays to waste even the Wasteland! Arrrrg!!! Fuckin' rules!!!

 

The next evening, as the sun descends, Bloodmace and Hellmaster appear in the great hall with corpsepaint and leather, ready for battle. The gate is prepared, symbols painted in Wyvern blood, incense smoke heavy in the air. Bloodmace begins to incant the secret words that will open the gate to Dantor as I step into the middle of the room “Don’t bother with you spells, barbarian. I have been here the whole time.” Silence falls over the stunned warriors as I reveal the horrible truth. “HA! You have fallen into my trap and now you shall die along with your precious world. HAHAHAHAHA! DIE FOOLS!” I, Demon Scourge who is also Lord Headron of Dantor wave my hand and burn through the flesh of the metal warriors who I have traveled with on the way to their destruction. “I will build a Hot Topic in Jenkabala palace with your name on it Bloodmace!” The enraged warrior swings at me with his mace but I grab the crude weapon from his hand and toss it into the growing abyss. Bloodmace cries out “AAAARGHHHHH! Curse you Headron. We will destroy you!” He pushes me toward the yawning portal as Hellmaster and DeathCrush dart across the cavernous hall with swords drawn. Master Raknar sneaks around from the side and tries to remove one of the amulets but he is sucked into the void. From the other side of the gateway comes a low rumbling. The transformation has begun. Stone floors crack and burst, revealing a dark, torrid sea of slick waves and everything around us begins to fade away, leaving only the chaos dimension. Bloodmace looks up at me from the last bit of floor we stand on. I cannot hear the words he whispers or make out the sign his hand traces in the air but when the first rush of pain racks my body I know what he has done. Waylorian magic is deep and he has drawn from the dangerous pool of that infernal knowledge. Blood drips from my burning skull as it caves in on the side and I know that I will soon be caught in the inferno, swept away on the stormy currents that even now are being obscured by the return of physical reality. Castle Thrashstone was cold and dark. Bodies were scattered everywhere. The crumpled forms of five players in an obscure game were dimly illuminated by the breaking dawn. Ice formed over the time desert and crystals hung from the ceiling like vast chandeliers, stained ruby red with the blood of hero and villain. From the shadowy recesses deeper within the castle, Bathory is heard and a cloaked figure emerges. Light pierces the horizon.     

A bit more ragged, a bit more evil, but no less awesome was our last album, Razor's 2nd release 'Evil Invaders'. This is in many ways quintessential Canadian thrash album. While Annihilator's thrash metal is sleek and slick, most Canadian thrash is a bit more lo-fi and punkish, and Razor exemplify this. Vocalist Sheepdog(???) has the perfect vocal attack for thrash, gargly but distinct. The guitar work is basic and simple, not overwheming the rest of the band. That's one thing that is wonderful about this band; no one player dominates, the whole band melds to deliver a singular necksnapping attack. This is good, basic thrash metal.





I have a feeling we'll be returning to this magic metal land of Canada in the near future. Now off I go to fight shaggoths and faggoths!!!! DEATH TO FALSE METAL!!!! ALL HAIL METAL NIGHT!!!!

Friends, enemies, patriots and traitors. When the great tide of events changes direction all are carried out into the churning unknown. In a land where the boundaries of many physical worlds abut one another there will always be shifting allegiances and ruptures in the dimensions. None but the dwellers of the void and our gateway plane can understand the secret war that rages for control of the multiverse. Let the keepers of the Timewind hear our cry! Let the lords above the kings above the masters tremble with this word! IA! We have gone together to the entryway of your castle and now we will RETUN to this strange realm of might and magic. You have turned us back this time but we have not been destroyed. Until next week metal breathren…

Horns.