Metal Movie Soundtracks: Rock N Roll Nightmare, River's Edge, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3

Through the blistering heat, through the icy tundra, through a universe filled with zombies and fire demons, we bring you METAL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!! Arrrrrrrhhhhh!!!!!!!!

With special guest........Jason "Wizard Warrior" Roth, of Collective Studios!!!!!

Jason is a movie guy, so after nearly fighting to the death over whether we should have War Metal night or Party Metal Night, Chris and I compromised and decided to listen to heavy metal movie soundtracks. Good call.

Started out listening to some summer time type tunes before Jason showed up. You have to inaugurate the summer by cranking some old school Van Halen, and throw in a little Dokken for good measure. Goddamn it, we drank a lot of liquor tonight; buy the time we had the albums downloaded, Chris was pretty shitfaced. Jason showed up, and we listened to our first, and worst album.

If you like to laugh while wincing, then listen to the metal tracks on the cult classic Rock N Roll Nightmare soundtrack, the entire film conceived, written, directed and produced by Jon Mikl Thor. Of Thor. You know, the Canadian Metal God. We decided to skip the soundtrack music and delve right into the metal, and we paid dearly. This album is not nearly as fun as the movie. The band tracks on this album are a virtual dictionary of bad, generic 80's metal. Big, booming, echoy drums; wimpy keyboards on the lighter tracks. There was the Dokken rip off song, the Motley Crue circa Theater of Pain plod fest. There were a few faster, thrashier songs that kept this from being total drek, and one 7 minute epic of poverty metal. This was a disappointed from a band that never impressed me that much anyway.

The came redemption, as Hallow's Eve tore our guts out with the one good song they ever wrote, and then Slayer's Die By The Sword destroyed what was left of our sanity. Though brief, skipping over the Burning Spear, Agent Orange, and Wiper's songs, we were quite invigorated by the Metal Blade classics included on this album, featuring an amazing track from Fates Warning. And Slayer. Our whole lives for Slayer.

The T Saw 3 soundtrack had a lot of good tracks on it, but was kind of a mixed bag. It reintroduced me to Laaz Rocket, who were decent enough speed metal band from the 80's that stuck with possibly the worst name in metal. Sacred Reich, Death Angel, and Obsession were some other standout tracks.

BONUS METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris couldn't wait any longer. It was way too hot, but we banged our heads to Sodom's Persecution Mania, which featured much improved musicianship, while taking away some of the charm of their previous efforts, but does not sacrifice the evil sounds at all. A scorcher. Myself, I'm always torn when I listen to Sodom. I have to be a certain mood to listen to German Thrash. I have to be feeling slightly more psychotic than I was tonight. And the thing about Sodom is that I want them to be Destruction, who in my opinion is the superior German thrash band. Don't tell Chris that or he'll stab me in the eye with my own ribcage. We will be bringing these bands head to head in the future.

Well, by that time, the liquor was gone and it's summertime, motherfuckers, so we listened to about 20 minutes worth of old school Van Halen, which is righteous and cannot be fucked with. This is partying. This is life. David Lee Roth(no relation to Sir Jason) was a prophet of the motherfucking streets, instructing an entire generation of denim clad wastrels how to disappoint their elders in the grandest style possible. Tunes like Atomic Punk and The Cradle Will Rock are bad ass gangster classics, the band achieving psychic alchemy that they have never been able to duplicate since. The reason is because the drugs were so good back in the day.

We never declared a winner. Too fucked up. Jason was sober enough to drive me back to my cave, though.

Thus concludes another episode of Metal Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLACK FUCKING METAL NIGHT WITH THE DUCHESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once again, the gauntlet has been smacked down, and thus commences Metal Night!!! With Special Guest Star Duchess Von Doom(you know....it's Brandi, you guys)!!!!!

I had been wanting to have a serious black metal night for a while, and tonight we drank of the filthy milk of Satanic blackened hordes!!!! And beer. It was a beer kind of night; a warm and bright spring evening, with children playing the background, birds chirping, and our hate music creating a singular vortex of agony and dispair in our Westside abode.

Duchess started us out with some shit I had never heard, a split CD by nature inspired Vancouver band Skagos, and Loiusville, KY based one man anarchist horror show Panopticon. This shit blew me and Chris away. Skagos come across as Enslaved with hippy jam band tendencies. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Their two songs ran 12 and 15 minutes, all of it entrancing and experimental. Even when it doesn't quite work, it's fascinating. And Panopticon are just fucking mind blowing, doing things with black metal that I had never heard before; so many layers; the spastic drum work really standing out; some folky things lurking in the background. Duchess said that this was all she had been listening to as of late. I now have to get everything this band has ever put out. Clearly this was the winner of the night.

Next up is a demo CD by an ultra obscurity from Ireland, Beithíoch. This was my contribution of the evening. This CD falls under: kind of crappy, kind of great; ultra minimalist ambient noise, so droning, so abstract, that lesser mortals would have shut this shit off after the first minute. But we hung in there, and actually kind of enjoyed its scuzziness. You have to stick with it for the pay off at the end, after the 4 instrumental dronings, after the minimalist electronica, then comes the filthy scuzzy blackened filth, the shit that you want to hear, the stuff that sucks your pain, closing out the album. Pretty great. Chris and Duchess admitted liking this album, kind of. But clearly it comes in third.

Last but not least, Chris put on Forgotten Tomb's Songs To Leave, which is a certified classic of blackened doom. Even this could not top the Skagos/Panopticon split, but it's a great album. It's an epic, melodically twisted beast, the most traditionally "metal", but still abominably weird, with molten riffs oozing into dissonance, an under current of creepy and clean argeggios weaving their way into the muck. The vocalist is what makes this a decidedly black metal affair, his screeching coming straight from the tombs. Second place in the Metal Night pantheon.

BONUS SHOWDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had some time before Chris had to pick up Audria, so played Sodom's In The Sign Of Evil and Destruction's Sentence of Death head to head. Both are debut EP's, both are thrash metal classics known for their influence on countless black metal bands, and both are wonderful messes, primitively produced and raw as fuck. Chris and Duchess liked Sodom the best, and they are great, but I had to go with Destruction. The Sodom had a sick vibe to it, and some great songs. But those fucking riffs on the Destruction album get me everytime. And the witchy vocals. And the leads. And everything about this little nugget. Not that Sodom is without it's charms. They are many. Like English being their second language. Let's look at some lyrics, shall we:

Sepulchral Voice
Dark deathknell call you to the throat of the
glowing hell lights of exist become extinet
and you read the epitaph of your grave

You are the chosen messenger of hell
Come execute your instruction with spell
You got magic power to all
in league with Satan for holy ghosts fall

Love to drink the blood of the slut
adore the bestial rite
eat the virgins heart warm and sweet
destroy the unborn holy meat

The Sepulchural Voice
mysterious groans torment your mind
the shadow of evil make you blind
a funeral song out of the burial place
damned you to hell from the human race

and lets not forget that Destruction were also masters of Satan lyrics with English as second language:
Satan's Vengeance
Witches been slaughtered at the stakes
They´ve been burned, ´cause
They were in league with Satan
People delighted themselves
When this creatures burned painfully

Witches decided to take vengeance
Satan sent a legion of poisened rats
The warriors of death and most evil inhuman

CHORUS:
The sentence of death
Drives you to despair
God can´t help ya
You shoveld your own grave

Now the mortal is in the bondage of Satan
Without mercy they persecuted people
Got a place in hell reserved for you

I fucking love Metal Night. Hail!!!!!!!!

PICS OF STEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally got some pics from the last Metal Night. Yes, they are important, as these contain visual proof that we are having a good time and are not just some sad basement dwellers.

Judas Fucking Priest!!!!!!!!!!!

Metal Night commences once again. This time with lucious lasses Audria "Bloodwitch" Larsen in and Sarah Jean "The Hammer of Mean" Anderson in tow, helping Chris and myself evaluate the Trilateral Commission of Purest Metal, British Steel, Screaming For Vengeance, and Defenders of the Faith, by Judas Priest. We decided on Judas Priest tonight, since Audria hates metal, but old school metal is more palatable to her tender ears. And one of Sarah's favorite songs is Breakin' The Law. Vodka tonics would help them with the ordeal. Audria gave Sarah a mohawk.

These albums are certified classics, genre standard bearers that have stood the test of time, so it was hard to judge these.

We listened to British Steel first. Song wise, this is the winner, since this album contains no filler whatsoever, and is a treasure trove of melodic metal anthems, most chugging away midtempo, a couple creating the genre of speed metal. It lags production-wise compared to the other two, which could also be seen as a strength, as some have complained about Priest sounding too synthetic during the 80's.

Favorite homo erotic lyric:
Never straight and narrow
I won''t keep in time
Tend to bend the arrow out of line
Been inclined to wander
Off the beaten track
That''s where there''s thunder and the wind shouts back

Grinder - looking for the meat
Grinder - wants you to eat

Screaming For Vengeance was Audria's favorite, which is strange, since this is a heavier beast than the previous. Chocked full of classics with some palatable filler, this is sleek, shiney beast, with the echoy, sythetic totally 80's style drum sound lending a weird danceablity to the whole thing. Perfect for riding the back roads in your Chevy Nova, chuggin' brews, smoking weed, getting a handjob in the backseat, ect. Unfortunately, we had no access to a Chevy Nova. Or back roads. Or handjobs. Alcohol and weed were plentiful, though.

Favorite homoerotic lyric(both from Devil's Child):

Goin' under, hear the thunder
Death defying grace
Your condition breeds ammuntion
Shoots me in the face
Vicious talkin' (vicious talkin')
Stabs me like a knife
Scratched and bruised (so abused)
I'm a human sacrifice

and:
Eat my diamonds (eat my diamonds)
Drinking all my gin
Feast your eyes on (feast your eyes on)
A whole lotta sin

Lastly, Defenders of the Faith. Clearly the heaviest and fastest, this is also the weakest of the three, lacking as many great songs and with a weird disco vibe, sort of a precursor to Turbo. But this still kills, there are many great moments, and the awful ones are amusing in a Spinal Tap kind of way, namely Heavy Duty.

Favorite homoerotic lyric:

All the lyrics to Eat Me Alive

Wrapped tight around me
Like a second flesh hot skin
Cling to my body
As the ecstasy begins

Your wild vibrations
Got me shooting from the hip
Crazed and insatiable let rip

And eat me alive
Eat me alive

Sounds like an animal
Panting to the beat
Groan in the pleasure zone
Gasping from the heat

Gut-wrenching frenzy
That deranges every joint
I'm gonna force you at gun point

To eat me alive
Eat me alive

Bound to deliver as
You give and I collect
Squealing impassioned as
The rod of steel injects

Lunge to the maximum
Spread-eagled to the wall
You're well equipped to take it all

So eat me alive
Eat me alive

Wish I could post more pics, but the heat of the night sizzled the flame! Or something. AUDRIA!!!!! SEND ME THOSE PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POSTFUCKINGPONED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, dudes. Metal Night has been postponed until later this week or next fucking week or some other fucking time. Chris and I went out drinking. We'll be back, with a fuck ton of fucking shit. Have a fuckig pic of cock and cunt and shit fjgutuygtnvnvbjggmnbv

pyujhdndhy45yfn.

Ah-ha! So you though we were through; you thought you had destroyed the weed before it could sprout and choke your harvest, but no! We persist!. We survive! We still drink alcohol(New Amsterdam gin and tonics this time) and evaluate metal albums while Audria is at yoga! We are still METAL NIGHT!!!! With special guest Jonny Bruha!

Tonight, our focus was on the traditional and the obscure. Hallow's Eve's Death and Insanity did not quite make it. I was simply not impressed by this album. They were an 80's thrash band on Metal Blade, and were notable for their harsh and clean duel vocal style. They were also notable for being crappy, another Iron Maiden clone with speed metal tendencies. The songs, though rousing in spots, and a few good riffs here and there, are ponderous and clumsy. The lyrics go on and on about the usual things, like death and errrr....insanity. The production is bargain basement shod. Old school in all the wrong ways. Chris liked it, though. He has a soft spot for that old Metal Blade stuff, so I guess I'll keep speaking to him.

Next up, Holocaust's Live:Hot Curry and Wine. Holocaust are NWOBHM band most famous for having Metallica cover their song 'The Small Hours'. I really liked this album. Simply a solid set of simple yet roaring(if innocent sounding, since the singer sounds like he's just out of puberty) old school heavy metal. Holocaust have been refered to as the Ramones of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, which is an accurate assessment. You will find no progressive noodlings here, just some simple riffs played with passion and vigor. This album was playing when Jonny showed up and drank all the damn booze(kidding). He liked the album, too. So did Chris, though he said that he liked their first album The Nightcommers better. I guess I'll let him live.

Finally, we arrive at Ghost's Opus Eponymous. Fuck! This is a great album. Both Chris and I loved it. I have had been listening to this album everyday on tour. Ghost is a mysterious and anonymous band from Sweden that are rumored to be made up of black metal elites. But other than the ultra Satanic lyrics and foreboding atmosphere, this is the furthest thing from black metal; a smooth and accessible throwback to late 70's metal; with memorable choruses, souring harmonies, and tasteful synth sounds. It's as if Blue Oyster Cult got together with Merciful Fate at Lucifer's Friend's rehearsal spot and drank some lemur blood while sacrificing a baby panda, all the while stoned out of their fucking minds on hash and ludes. If you are going to lure people to worship Lord Satan, then write catchy metal anthems like these. Fuck yeah!

More insanity to come.