Judas Fucking Priest!!!!!!!!!!!

Metal Night commences once again. This time with lucious lasses Audria "Bloodwitch" Larsen in and Sarah Jean "The Hammer of Mean" Anderson in tow, helping Chris and myself evaluate the Trilateral Commission of Purest Metal, British Steel, Screaming For Vengeance, and Defenders of the Faith, by Judas Priest. We decided on Judas Priest tonight, since Audria hates metal, but old school metal is more palatable to her tender ears. And one of Sarah's favorite songs is Breakin' The Law. Vodka tonics would help them with the ordeal. Audria gave Sarah a mohawk.

These albums are certified classics, genre standard bearers that have stood the test of time, so it was hard to judge these.

We listened to British Steel first. Song wise, this is the winner, since this album contains no filler whatsoever, and is a treasure trove of melodic metal anthems, most chugging away midtempo, a couple creating the genre of speed metal. It lags production-wise compared to the other two, which could also be seen as a strength, as some have complained about Priest sounding too synthetic during the 80's.

Favorite homo erotic lyric:
Never straight and narrow
I won''t keep in time
Tend to bend the arrow out of line
Been inclined to wander
Off the beaten track
That''s where there''s thunder and the wind shouts back

Grinder - looking for the meat
Grinder - wants you to eat

Screaming For Vengeance was Audria's favorite, which is strange, since this is a heavier beast than the previous. Chocked full of classics with some palatable filler, this is sleek, shiney beast, with the echoy, sythetic totally 80's style drum sound lending a weird danceablity to the whole thing. Perfect for riding the back roads in your Chevy Nova, chuggin' brews, smoking weed, getting a handjob in the backseat, ect. Unfortunately, we had no access to a Chevy Nova. Or back roads. Or handjobs. Alcohol and weed were plentiful, though.

Favorite homoerotic lyric(both from Devil's Child):

Goin' under, hear the thunder
Death defying grace
Your condition breeds ammuntion
Shoots me in the face
Vicious talkin' (vicious talkin')
Stabs me like a knife
Scratched and bruised (so abused)
I'm a human sacrifice

and:
Eat my diamonds (eat my diamonds)
Drinking all my gin
Feast your eyes on (feast your eyes on)
A whole lotta sin

Lastly, Defenders of the Faith. Clearly the heaviest and fastest, this is also the weakest of the three, lacking as many great songs and with a weird disco vibe, sort of a precursor to Turbo. But this still kills, there are many great moments, and the awful ones are amusing in a Spinal Tap kind of way, namely Heavy Duty.

Favorite homoerotic lyric:

All the lyrics to Eat Me Alive

Wrapped tight around me
Like a second flesh hot skin
Cling to my body
As the ecstasy begins

Your wild vibrations
Got me shooting from the hip
Crazed and insatiable let rip

And eat me alive
Eat me alive

Sounds like an animal
Panting to the beat
Groan in the pleasure zone
Gasping from the heat

Gut-wrenching frenzy
That deranges every joint
I'm gonna force you at gun point

To eat me alive
Eat me alive

Bound to deliver as
You give and I collect
Squealing impassioned as
The rod of steel injects

Lunge to the maximum
Spread-eagled to the wall
You're well equipped to take it all

So eat me alive
Eat me alive

Wish I could post more pics, but the heat of the night sizzled the flame! Or something. AUDRIA!!!!! SEND ME THOSE PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!