Destructor - Exciter Night and a Lake Chawa Challenge

Admit it.....you are weak. You might have heard Exciter before, and dismissed them as some cheesy Canadian speed metal band not worthy of the attention gobbed upon the big 4 (Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax). Hell, you thought they were not even worthy of the second and third waves(Testament, Forbidden, Overkill, Violence, ect). But you were weak, not worthy to even hold their studded leather gauntlets. You failed to recognize greatness when it was thrust in your face, when it held a stiletto switchblade to your throat after bashing down your front door. So come, reevaluate, and grow stronger, you pale, tepid wimp!

Exciter's first album, Heavy Metal Maniac, was a milestone for OTT heavy metal circa 1983. The Judas Priest worship is evident, and the wall of sound production values stick out the most. There is speed here, but old school style; not exactly thrashy, but more in the style of Raven and Motorhead.  Lyrical themes are basic heavy metal themes of overheated masculinity and aggression. Not a whole lot of dynamics, but the clamoring thunder makes for consistent headbanging experience. Perfect music for driving down the road in your Chevy Nova, switchblade tucked safely in denim vest, ready to fight, ready to fuck, ready to strike back at the world!

 The Adventure in Samur Part 1.1 - Delivering to the Master

The land between Jenkabala and Samur is rocky and desolate. We had passed two nights following Duchess VonDoom from the scene of the fierce battle in Jenkabala through the pallid foothills that make up the southernmost part of the Samurian territories. I am joined by those mystics of our group who I could locate for this adventure; Vorthon the Whip of Fate, Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne, Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush. Frostor the Bounty Hunter has also decided to accompany us on our travels, as he has business in the Samurian territories. We have been following the mining trail into the ore-rich region of Lake Chawa, Where Parthon the Younger had become Iron Dan. The maccati that we ride upon are the common mode of transport in this icy region. Standing a head taller than any of us, their long tan fur hangs almost to the ground. The short neck terminates in 

an elongated, hairless face containing a mouthful of vicious looking fangs and two sets of eyes, one at the front and one at the sides. Our party crosses an old-fashioned stone bridge and the Duchess motions for us to stop to give the maccati a drink. She leaps down from her mount and draws a small flask from a pocket of the denim vestment. With a nod, she offers it to me, speaking for the first time that day, "Not too much farther now. Can you locate Bloodmace yet?" I reach back with my left hand and feel the embroidery of the Ghost patch on my right shoulder, but I hear and see nothing. Shaking my head, I reply, "Nothing. Nothing yet anyway. He took quite a spill from the top of that sourwood tree and with all that energy flyin' around, he could be anywhere now." She furrows her brow and looks to the sky, "No, he is close. I know it." I take a long pull from the leather covered crystal flask as she continues, "At lake Chawa we'll ditch the maccati and continue by motor. The magic is strong around Chateau Kivilinake where Mistress Crowbastard guards the gates of Narn. Luckily, I have a tauriat so we can detect the dimensional traps she has laid for the unsuspecting soldiers of Headron." Duchess VonDoom swings back up on her maccati and we all take to our mounts and gallop off, leaving only a cloud of frozen soil and pulverized moss behind.

A couple years later, it's Long Live The Loud, and the formula has not changed at all; it's still all high speed, high vocals, and high intensity, screeching and clamoring as if Ride The Lightening had not been released, still clinging to their NWBHM roots.This is a band that will stubbornly cling to its old school sound for the rest of its existence. You don't experiment with the base elements, you make weapons from them.

The Adventure in Samur Part 1.2 - Swords of Darkness

We arrived at Lake Chawa the next morning. The air was crisp and the sky was clear. The lake stretched to the horizon before us from our vantage point at the top of the ridge that leads down to the beach. We leave our maccati and continue down the trail single file. Duchess VonDoom signals for us to stop. With a complicated series of hand gestures, she opens a passage into the side of the steep hill and we continue into the interior. After a long, curving descent, the rough passage ends inside a large chamber containing a pool of water. Above, light filters in through vine-choked openings in the stony vault. A sudden revving, loud and boisterous disrupts the calm atmosphere and we whirl around to find Duchess VonDoom's transport commandeered by none other than Iron Dan. He rolls from the sub-cavern, where the vehicle was hidden, on to the floor across from us. He shouts, "You'll go 

nowhere without me, VonDoom!" Then, pointing at me, "You owe me for the cleansing of this one's spirit! You know what he did don't you? He slaughtered his friends and allowed for Headron to gain a foothold in Centon. I got the job direct from Bloodhammer, but things didn't go as he planned. Now we gotta destroy this one or you gotta pay me off to forget I ever saw you." The Duchess replies, "Get out. Your friends in the tents by the shore would be interested to know what you do with all the power they have taught you to use. This world is changing, Iron Dan and even the vrilforce of the Samurian mystics cannot stop us." She begins to make spellsigns and Iron Dan's warglove glows red, but from above we hear something over the din of the rattling engine. Bloodmace falls through the roof, showering us with smashed rock as he lands on Iron Dan's back, screaming out, "Daaaaannnnnn!" The two pummel one another with magic fist and enchanted mace until the cries of anger become hearty laughter. Iron Dan breaks out his skein of light ale and passes it around, almost in tears from laughter, and says, "Alright, well I gotta come with you anyways. I haven't seen Crowbastard in forever." He glances at his barbarian buddy and begins to crack up again while the rest of us look at one another, completely puzzled by the strange camaraderie between Iron Dan and the fearsome Bloodmace.

A few years later. It's 1992, and Exciter's 6th full length album, Kill After Kill, has no right to exist at all, but there it is, defiantly old school, leather gauntlets spit shined and polished. If anything, the only concession to (relative)modernity is the relentlessness of the attack. Exciter is a band defined not so much by the distinctiveness of song craft than it is by its instantly recognizable wall of sound, and this album exemplifies their approach to the hilt. You want balls to the wall speed metal. Look no further. This was the winner of the night for me, though I believe Demon went with the first album. But really, we were much to wasted to remember.

Words of the Elders
And so another chapter in the saga begins. What secrets will Bloodmace and Demon Scourge uncover on their quest to the northernmost province of Centon? Have they truly been deceived by Chanthoth and their father, Bloodhammer? If so, to what end have they perpetrated this scheme? This frozen tundra holds mystery and intrigue in its icy plains that terminate in the great Kradiken Socrat, the so called "Roof of Centon." There, Mistress Crowbastard awaits in her basalt fortress, dead and yet dreaming. Veil of snow, be lifted! O vast flatland, expose your dim blue heart to these travelers! Alabaster tower of the north open! Open! Avegnon Matresse! T'Arn!

Until next week, heavy metal maniacs,







Horns

Processional Chant - Of USBM and Duchess Von Doom

Duchess Von Doom....the mysterious woodland survival witch, dropped by with a gaggle of goodies in her bag of human skin. Let's have a gander in the holy mountain, shall we?

First, the Duchesses unveiled the most mysterious and obscure of the bands she dredged from the depths of American scene. Hail, is a dark and weird black metal band from Portland Oregon whose cassette release, Blood Revenge of Death, is so murky and so obscure, that I had to enter its existence in the hallowed Encyclopedia Metallum my goddamn self!!!!!!! It contains 4 inky black and quite lengthy song things. This is the most necro thing I have ever heard. The necro cassette deck blasted forth putrid tones of analog rape. I really could make out much of what was going on, but this is how black metal is meant to be heard, maggots. I killed myself  7 times during this album, only to rise from the dead to worship at the altar of filth. It is well and good that this album is so obscure, as the widespread propagation of this album would surely release ravaging caco-daemons upon the earth. It is quite beyond review.

Here is a track from their first album, since this one does not exist in digital format.


Chronicles of the North Part 14.1 - Island of Domination

Dawn was breaking across the Jenkabala forest. I awoke wondering where I was, as the last place I remember being was inside the vast sourwood tree with Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne and Hell Wraith. My eyes, adjusting to the gray dawn, could make out the forms of my companions and slowly I made my way through the labyrinth of memory. We had convinced Parth-Amon,guardian of the Garm, to allow us to start that dread spellamplifier, and it had worked. I recall there being much commotion, it seemed as though the walls would cave in around us and there was an unwholesome 

 groaning emanating from above, then nothing. We were in a crater huge enough to make me believe the tree had been knocked over, but by what? We had been in the root chamber of the great plant, why had we not been pulled out of the ground with it? I stood and began to walk around. The Garm seemed untouched as well, it's gears still grinding away. That's when I realize we were not at the bottom of the crater, but in the middle. Beyond the machinery, there is an abyss that separates the edge of the floor where I stand and the wall of the crater left by the falling tree. Walking around the perimeter, I can see that there is no passage to the other side, we are trapped here as if on an island. Hell Wraith lies behind me and I wake him first. He opens his eyes and says, "Suspended in the air?" 

I nod my head, he continues. "I tried to stay conscious as long as I could but the last thing I remember is hearing that sound then Parth-Amon was drawing a spell with his hands. Everything was shaking violently, at first it felt like we were moving but there was no inertia, it had no feeling..." As Hell Wraith trails off, Fester calls out from across the floating mesa, "Hey, you guys okay? If anybody's hungry I have some torf!" Opening a briefcase he carries with him, Fester produces several sheets of deep fried dough with sweet and savory fillings, a specialty of his people. "They're delicious!" Hollers Ophelia, waving a thumbs up. Troubled as I am by our situation, torf is a delicacy I have not sampled since before my stay in the realms of death. The four of us munch portentously, staring over the side of our floating prison. "Hai! You there!" At once we whirl around to see a figure perched on the other side of the chasm. Clad in the sacred denim and leather of the north, her black locks hang down around the patch covered vestments. "Explain yourselves fools!" One by one, a group of about twenty heavily armed magic users arrive to flank her on either side. Fester leans over to me and whispers, "Shit, it's Duchess Von Doom and the Narset Coven. We may be in trouble."

Well,as we peeled ourselves from the floor after that motherfucker, the Duchess decided to fuck with our souls with a diabolically quiet affair from a trio of witches from Olympia, WA. Vradiazei is an acoustic band, and their cassette release, Ancient Church, is a dark folk band whose only real claim to anything metal a collection of minor chords and galloping rhythms. Featuring banjo, cello, acoustic guitar and fiddle, this calls upon the spirits of Dark Americana, of bodies found in bogs and hollers, of New England witchcraft, and whispers in forgotten graveyards. This was truly an analog delight, but it did not win the night. No, indeed.

This is an even more obscure band with no YouTube presence, so you know they're cool.


 Chronicles of the North Part 14.2 - Blood Von

From across the gaping divide Duchess Von Doom can be seen making spellsigns with her hands. At the end of this series of complicated sigils she pushes out with her hands then draws them quickly toward herself again. Slowly, the little piece of ground we occupy with the Garm begins drifting toward her. When we bump up against the side and climb up to the forest floor, a grisly sight awaits. The titanic sourwood tree has indeed fallen, and its aspect dwarfs us. As far as the eye can see there is carnage from the battle. The vanquished Wyverns lie crumpled beneath the holes they have torn in the forest canopy after falling victim to Chanthoth's Garm-enhanced spell. Sauron and human warriors are scattered about and large scavenger birds pluck at the remains. For the first time today, I reflect on the whereabouts of our party. I am interrupted in my thoughts by the voice of the Duchess, "Now, what are you doing in my realm? I know you Demon Scourge, death follows in your path. You presence here means that blood will flow in Jenkabala and Samur." The others have backed away and the dark sorceress and I stand face to face in the middle of a circle of eyes. "I see you have been granted the sacred armor of our people, but you have no real idea of its power or just how dangerous it might be to you and your friends. In your race to destroy and make war you have activated the Garm, and we now have to stop it before Headron can locate its position and use it to destroy us." She snaps her fingers and several of the coven follow her on to the floating disc of soil that holds the magical engine. The remainder of the dangerous looking Narcen surround us as Duchess Von Doom and her crew set to work dismantling the fence around the psychic 

amplifier. The Duchess goes into a trance and one of the clerics, with a mighty grunt snaps an outstretched hand to the whirring gears, witch grind immediately to a halt. As if under a massive 

strain, the complicated inner workings of the Garm begin to snap and crumble. Duchess Von Doom 

strains to keep the ground together as her brethren scurry up the hill. as the last of them claw their way on to the lip of the massive crater, she suddenly opens her eyes and the land beneath her feet crumbles away. With a serene look in her eyes she slaps her hand on the Vradiazei patch on the denim battle jacket she wears and as I observe her disappearing into the pit the Duchess Von Doom materializes beside the coven of Narset. In a commanding tone she pronounces her judgment, "You and your brother, Bloodmace have been deceived by the leaders of a world you do not understand. You and your party shall accompany us to Samur where Mistress Crowbastard shall instruct you in the ancient ways of the Chevelargo and Hiuksetl. You have gathered about you the finest group of metalheads Centon has ever known but you will be tested in Jenkabala and the only way you will prevail is to learn the secrets hidden in the past by the rulers of today. Gather your party, we depart in the morning." At once, Duchess Von Doom and her party march into the shadowy forest. In the dissipating morning fog, I catch a flicker of light from behind a tree as they quickly pass. Frostor, puffing on a cigar, gives me a wide grin.

The winner of the night was a sludge/doom one man band from lumber lands of Salem, Oregon, Hell, and their second album, simply monickered II. 4 songs, each averaging 15 minutes long. This is long, drawn out torture music, perfect for a dark and stormy night with your headless bride. Lots of slow grinding atmosphere, and riffs the size of the SunnO))). And, as this was the only digital offering of the night, each dirgy note crisply presented in full sonic majesty. Anguish and despair on crystal meth. You know the deal. Quite soothing.

Call to the sky boat! The metal militia has emerged from the battle victorious! But what of Bloodmace? Has he perished in the wood prison along with the secrets of the T'Chah Karnac? What of Baron Lotar, Lady Deathcrush and Hellmaster? Destiny sings to the champions of Centon, calling them to plunge deep in to the heart of snow-covered Samur, land of mystery, soul of Centon! Who will follow and who will be lost on the road to glory? 

Until next week, necronecks, 




Horns