Lords of Change - Hellmaster does 2011 and Vorthon Does Thrashstone.

The end of the 2011 and the beginning of 2012. Time for a review of all things metal. On this night, instead of listening to albums, we made a playlist of tracks we liked. First, we listened to Hellmaster's choice of top tracks for 2011. Hellmaster, as the youngest metal head, is Metal Night's ambassador of the New Wave of American Heavy Metal. A a crusty, grimy old Gen Xer, I am supposed to scoff and look down upon such candy assed nonsense. I mean, I first sprouted public hair to Slayer and Exodus, first masturbated to the rhythms of Possessed, sodomized a goat to Morbid Angel! How can these newbies possibly compare to the old masters. As the Judgement of Metal Night, the resident Tyrant of Taste, ambassador of  death metal, black metal, scuzz metal, ect ect, I shall now scrutinize this list.

Thantor the Bard

Thantor the Bard stepped out of his van into the burning sun of the Time Desert, blinked his eyes and spit on the black sand. The tarmac had not disappeared during the night and that was a pleasant surprise. Ever since the roads had appeared in the time desert, Thantor and other tradesmen had been traveling between the northern forests of Jenkabala and the southern mountains of Waylor to provide services for the strange inhabitants of that rocky coast. The increased trade had begun to make a few wealthy but the dangers were many. Great stretches of pavement had indeed materialized, perhaps uncovered by the great wind storm or transplanted from one of the adjacent dimensions but they were liable to disappear. Many have perished without the aid of magical device called the tauriat. Fashioned by the legendary Bloodmace in deepest Waylor, the tauriat detects the ever-shifting dimensional fault line that the road always follows. A cryptophysicist called Hell Wraith had managed to reverse engineer this invention and made six such devices before disappearing in the mysterious Time Desert. Even with a tauriat, safe passage is not guaranteed. Mutants lurk in the kaleidoscopic sands; water is always hard to come by and if you wander too close to the fault line dimensional friction will tear you apart. Leading a caravan of traders and craftsmen to Waylor was steady income for Thantor, as he possessed a tauriat, but today he was alone. Today he had a very strange and well-paying job for the Baron Lotar in the Zanthon Mountains of northern Waylor. He could make it there by dawn if the road held out.

 Deicide: Witness of Death-So we start out with a slicing new track from old school death metal band Deicide. Fuck! I didn't even know they had a new album out. This does not sound as evil or dissonant as the old stuff. I believe the only original band member is Charles Manson wannabe Glenn Benton, but its good stuff. Best thing I've heard from Deicide in a while.


















3 inches of Blood: Lords of Change-The new 3 Inches definitely has a thrashy, NWOAHM vibe to it, the guitars are a bit crunchier, the drums a bit punchier, but this still definitely sounds like 'em. Cam Pipes' pipes are unmistakable. Good track from the new Ep.

 

The suns were at their highest point as Thantor’s black, rusty van sped across the sandy wasteland leaving a cloud of glittering dust in its wake. As he hurdled across the barren desert, his thoughts turned to this strange job he had been offered. Many spoke the name of Baron Lotar as one of the cruelest tyrants, for many had been tortured in his dungeon or made to work in his oil field after being waylaid by his henchmen who patrol the nearby lands looking for lone wanderers.  The Baron wanted his services as a guide in the Time Desert, but not to just anywhere. He was looking for a ruined castle, destroyed in the cataclysmic windstorm that shook the whole region a year ago. Lost in thought, Thantor didn’t notice the wind picking up force and before he knew it the road had disappeared in the crimson sands. Looking down at his tauriat, he began to curse softly under his breath. The green crystal suspended inside a frame of polished metal had gone dark; there was no way to know where the dimensional fault line was. Turning the weathered transport west, he sped into the tempest in hopes of avoiding the slowly advancing rift. When the stone wall emerged out of the cloud of sand around him, he swerved, but too late. The force of the impact threw the lanky driver against the passenger door. Everything was suddenly silent and just before the black hand of sleep closed his eyes, Thantor caught sight of a dark shape moving in the cloud of silver sand.

Iced Earth: Dystopia-I've never been able to warm up to Iced Earth. I don't hate them, but i don't really give a shit about them either. That's not their fault and its really hard to put my finger on a reason why. I think that I like more bombast in my power metal. Gimee some Blind Guardian or Manowar. This is good power metal; flawless, really, if a bit generic, kind of meat and potatoes. They are a band that has been around forever and have a solid core following. But I don't care.


Skeletonwitch: Shredding Sacred Flesh-I'm not sure why I'm not more into this. On paper, this is everything I love about metal-evil sound, melodic riffs, thrashy guitars. Leaves me cold. Actaully, I think its because Witchery's first album is the be all, end all of blackened thrash albums for me, and nothing else even comes close to attaining that kind of ferocious majesty. It's not their fault, since this is one of the best bands going today, but I'm an old man and inclined towards prejudice.

Amon Amarth: War of the Gods-These vikings keep putting out the same album over and over again. When it works, like this track, it's mighty and enthralling. When it doesn't, like the rest of the album, it's kind of boring. This is meat and potatoes melodic Viking death metal. Amon Amarth invented the genre.

DevilDriver: Dead to Rights-This is one of the quintessential NWOAHM bands, doing the Swedish thing with American panache, very straightforward, with great riffs to pummel you with. I like this. It's as fucking heavy as fuck cakes.

When Thantor the Bard, poet of Antov, awoke in his crushed vehicle the first thing he noticed was the tauriat, which landed in the driver’s seat. The crystal had cracked and was leaking out greenish fluid. He was stranded. The second thing he noticed was the wild-eyed hermit inspecting him from outside the windshield. Laughing like a madman, the bestial stranger addressees the leather clad traveler “Run into some problems have ye? Only fools travel here…and alone too?  HAHAHAAHAHA!” He opens the driver door, revealing four huge beetles, antennae waving furiously, mandibles gnashing. Suddenly his laughter ceases and he speaks with a stern voice. “I am Vorthon, the Whip of Fate and you will come with me. Can you rise?” Thantor drags himself into a sitting position, rubs his eyes and exits the van. The suns are blinding and the scorching temperature burns at him as he limps behind the hermit surrounded by his insect pets. Involuntarily, a gasp escapes from the mouth of the injured bard as he turns and realizes what he hit in the sandstorm last night. A huge wall rises before them. Great turrets pierce the sky. This vast ruined castle was undoubtedly the same place Baron Lotar had hired him to find. Carved into the crumbling stone walls were sinister looking symbols and the loathsome figures of eldritch gods. “Welcome to Castle Thrashstone, young knave.” Vorthon brushes his stringy locks from his eyes and tugs at the coarse beard that reaches his chest. “I think you may find this place interesting.”  Impatient, his huge beetles scurry into the cracks around the immense stone door Vorthon opens with a wave of his hand. “This is only the beginning. We have much to do.” Vorthon disappears into the gaping doorway as Thantor limps behind.

Arch Enemy: Bloodstained Cross-This is the Swedish death/thrash band fronted by a chick. This song sounds like any other Arch Enemy song. Its fast, its brutal, its catchy, its played with precision and clarity. Most people either really like this band or hate them. I myself, don't listen to them often, but am always glad when I do.

All Shall Perish: Procession of Ashes/A Pure Evil- Encyclopedia Metallum describes this band as deathcore. As a death metal purist, this is supposed to sent me into spasms of hatred and disgust. But that is just my natural mental state, which is why I like death metal so damn much. This just makes me go 'meh'. I just am not inspired by the chug chug chug riffs or the breakdowns. I am not inspired to scissor kick by this, thank the evil satan.
 

Christgrinder: Smoke Crack, Worship Satan-This is a fucking sweet track. Beautiful monikered blackened death metal. This is a new band and I hope to see what they have in store in the future.


After these tracks were played, we played mine. I forgot to write down what was played, but fuck it, I already wrote my opinions about the albums here.

Where is the beginning? Time is a repeating pattern that regenerates cycle after cycle. Some live outside this continuum or in several such zones. When Demon Scourge killed his companions a hole was ripped in the very fabric of reality. From this entryway the chaos dimension is leaking through to the multidimensional lands and the epicenter of this is Castle Thrashstone. If time breaks down there is no predictability, no reference point. All science and magic fall apart without the scaffold of time to hang their tricks upon. The battle of Thrashstone was a turning point in the Gateway world of Centon. The very fate of each dimension beyond it hangs on the dependability of this one cog. What does this have to do with the tyrant, the hermit, the wanderer and the scientist?

Until next week brothers and sisters…

Horns.