Rise From the Ashes - The Wisdom of Crowbastard and Nuclear Assault

 I think we heard a few more but these are the albums I remember from that ribald night. Nuclear Assault are one of the quintessential 80's thrash metal band. Forging a thrash sound comprised of equal parts New York hardcore and Judas Priest, their first three albums are thrash classics. They are rightfully called The Grandfathers of Metalcore Let us romp through them.

Game Over is N.A.'s debut album and set the formula that their good albums nary deviated from. This album set the basics. It's a rumbly, murky affair; held together by grit, grime, speed, apocalyptic fury, and a keen understanding of the power of the riff. Also, plenty of slower breakdowns that are suitable for moshing. Some longer songs bog this album down, as they do not yet have the technical chops or songwriting skills to hold together a 7 minute epic beyond boredom.

Adventure in Samur Part 3.1 - Terrible Certainty

Chateau Kivilinake is perched atop the southernmost peak of the Kradiken Socrat. Atop the misty 
peak, the gray stone fortress looms like a sleeping behemoth. The high walls cover the peaks of two adjacent mountains. At one end the great tower rises up into the persistent gloom. Upon the carven ramparts, spectral warriors drift in and out of sight, their gauzy armor shifting with the winds. All is 

silent in the snowy wilderness, but in the dining hall, where Mistress Crowbastard has gathered the metal warriors of Centon, a debate is taking place. Iron Dan is on one end of the table, across from Mistress Crowbastard who watches on as he carries on a heated discussion with Duchess VonDoom. Dan speaks heatedly, "No, no, no. We are all rebels now. The only way is to storm Jenkabala. We have the warriors, we have the magic users, let's take this dick down!" Duchess VonDoom looks across the table at the rest of our party, seated around the rectangular crystal table and answers Dan with clipped words, "You underestimate Headron. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge need to enter the castle through the gate here at Narn and face them in the outer dimensions." Iron Dan raises his fist and slams it to the table, "I don't like it. These two are no more ready to take on those titans than two children. They may have the tools but these buffoons are incapable of defending themselves against Headron and Bloodhammer." Mistress Crowbastard holds up her hand, revealing a spiked gauntlet beneath the loose fabric of her cloak and speaks, "I shall open the gate. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge, you must find Lars the Berserker in Narn before you transport to the chaos dimension from the peak of Mount Andervarl. Let us abandon this discord and I shall descend to the gateroom where I shall reveal the true powers of the battle jacket to the young adepts. Iron Dan, you shall lead the forces to Jenkabala palace and reclaim the seat of power from the army of Headron when Bloodmace, Demon Scourge and Lars the Berserker bring their leader into the temporal world." She beckons to Bloodmace and I and we follow her down a dim corridor in the north wall.

Their next album, Survive, corrects these flaws. The songs are streamlined, emphasizing speed, making this easily their most brutal mosh fest. The production is a bit murky, and the album is marred by a truly bad classic rock cover. Fortunately, this is tucked away at end of the album, so otherwise, this is a no frills punked up thrash, the faster the better.

Adventure in Samur Part 3.2 - Behind The Mirror

We are descending stairs in the darkness, down into the stone heart of Mistress Crowbastard's fortress. In the formless, inky blackness that engulfs us, time has stopped. There is nothing but step after step into the abyss. Profound silence closes in on us, like a heavy blanket. I feel for the Dio patch to light my way but it has no power here. I can no longer tell witch direction I am walking, so I close my eyes. Suddenly, I can see clearly. Bloodmace is before me walking down the rocky passage, and in front of him is Crowbastard. I try to call out to Bloodmace to close his eyes, but i can make no sound, as in a nightmare. Our hostess turns her head and puts a finger to her lips. Bloodmace, groping about slowly begins at once to move confidently and looks back at me. The passage levels out and we pass through a crystal studded cavern, rainbows flaring out from the rough walls. Then darkness. I 

open my eyes by reflex and before me is a breathtaking sight. We are not in an underground passage at all, but in a deep, misty valley with impossibly tall peaks rising up on all sides, a verdant eruption frozen in time. Directly ahead of us a gate, made of bones like Mistress Crowbastard's throne room, dwarfs us. The arching structure of whitened skeletons thrusts vertiginously into the foggy sky. This is the dividing point between the world of the living and dead on Centon. Mistress Crowbastard motions for us to take a place around the fire pit and once again begins to speak in her measured northern dialect, "Sit, brothers, for there is much to learn and much that will be left out. You have been told the history of your vestments by Chanthoth but he only gave you an inkling of their real power, for he was in league with your father and Headron. These jackets you wear are not just powerful weapons for you to destroy anything in your path, they, with the others, are the key." Remembering the words of Chanthoth, I speak, "There were more than just these two made?" A slight smile spreads across the Mistress' face as she answers, "There are five. Yours, the one that belongs to Lars the Berserker, mine, and one more unaccounted for. With these five garments you will be able to once again claim the world of Centon for the people of all its nations. Come, let us burn these sourwood branches to call the elder gods. We shall leave our skins here and commune with the pantheon of legend!" With a grand swoosh of her cloak the world goes dark again and I feel the cold rush of the vortex around my cheeks.

Their best album is the third album, Handle With Care. This represents the total perfection of their sound, full of crisp, metallic riffing, and a big, clean production making every instrument audible. Only slightly less ferocious than Survive, the songwriting is much improved, as is John Connelly's high pitched rasp. Songs like Search and Seizure, a full blown thrash anthem with a rollicking riff and almost power metal-ish chorus, make this album valiant headchurner. Even the goofy, funked-up instrumental can't ruin this albums shined-up crossover vibe. Winner of the night, in my humble opinion.

Words of the Elders
 The land of Narn is a chain of islands shifting about in the great spirit lake on Mount Andervarl. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge must now find Lars the Berserker then battle Bloodhammer and Headron in the chaos dimension. Fly, children of Centon! Fly to the outer worlds where the gods eat of the sacred fig tree and send down curses and blessings on this mortal world! 

Until next week, face beaters, 


Horns

Ravishing Grimness - Mistress Crowbastard and Musical Chaos in Samur

 
March Kane traveled from the icy hinterlands to revel with us in unholy metal Dionysian bacchanalia.  All the witches and sorceress' showed up. It was a friggin' party, man. And this was our party music.

Forest is a NS black metal band from motherland Russia. I always thought it ironic that so many Slavonic metal bands are prone to expose the rotten ideology of National Socialism and the like, since Hitler wanted to to enslave and gas all the Slavs. But you have to give the Nazis their due.....they were always snappy dressers, and many of their modern advocates make some pretty damn great black metal. This album, Like A Blaze Above The Ashes, is black metal in the traditional mode; Darkthrone-like minimalism meets Burzum-like ambiance. A cold blast of ice fury from the graveyard of the Teutonic terror.

 Adventure in Samur Part 2.1 - A Blaze in the Northern Sky

The Samurian sky was gray, with light filtering through the low clouds that blanketed the stark landscape. Small, bare trees dotted the gently undulating tundra. In the distance, the first peaks of the area known as the Kradiken Socrat rise from the ground like frozen waves. Duchess VonDoom stares out the windshield of the transport she liberated from a Samurian army base while she was first learning the Narset spellcraft. Soon they would be approaching the Chateau Kivilinake where Mistress Crowbastard guards the gates to Narn. She had known the Mistress during those heady days 

of youth, when the two of them filled their days with dangerous games and reckless wandering. They were feared by many a sheriff and sargent for their antics. Duchess chuckles to herself, remembering the close calls and near misses of their time at the Heraea Agoge. The green pulsing of the tauriat warns of an approaching dimensional rift. From the seat next to her Iron Dan calls back to the rest of us, "We're close, this is the first of the magical traps." The air crackles around us in a blaze of kaleidoscopic sparks as the Duchess swerves, throwing Fester and Ophelia against Frostor and Hellmaster against Lady Deathcrush and Vorthon. Our denim and leather clad driver yells, "Fuck hell yeah! This is more like it!" The rattletrap transport groans and sputters as we dodge one magical mine after another. After what seems like an eternity of white-knuckle action, we skid to a stop in front of the first hill we encounter. Duchess turns to us and says, "From here we'll go on foot through the gate." We exit the vehicle together and stand with her before a stone altar. Duchess VonDoom produces an obsidian dagger and extracts a drop of blood from each of us and smears it in the middle of the sigil carved on the rock surface of the waist high structure. The air once again fills with bright discharges of energy and we feel the oscillating tingle of discorporation.

Next, we heard Belgian traditional speed metal fucks Acid. Acid is basically the Belgian answer to Motorhead, except they are fronted by a chick. The songs from their debut album are simple, catchy as hell, occasionally furious, and give more than a few nods to punk. This is not a thrash fest, but no-frills heavy metal played really fast. They are heavier than Girlschool. Acid are one of my favorite finds of the year and all their early albums are definitely worth checking out.

Next, we heard US trad metal band Abattoir and their 1985 opus Vicious Attack.Once again, this is speedy heavy metal, more in the Iron Maiden/Judas Priest vein, though the vocalist has throaty, almost punkish delivery reminiscent of Paul Dianno, instead of the usual air raid siren style that was prominent at the time. Once again, nothing fancy coming from this band, simply solid heavy metal, slightly generic, but definitely worth a head bang or two thousand.

Adventure in Samur Part 2.2 - Black Leather Queen
 - A rush of air fills my lungs as my body comes together again. We are in a bright, rounded room. Windows all around the perimeter reveal a breathtaking panorama, with the plains stretching out below on one side and the peaks of the Kradiken Socrat on the other. The walls are completely covered with the bleached bones of a multitude of creatures arranged in a kind of mosaic that describes sacred symbols from the many cities of Centon. Before us, the floor seems to be a carpet of digits, tails and spines that converge in the center of the white room. From this point, the black throne of Mistress Crowbastard rises up, dark carven stone erupting from the monotone of the surrounding chamber. Demons and gargoyles are pictured in the relief of the intricate centerpiece and atop this 

impressive edifice sits Mistress Crowbastard herself, stoic defender of Narn. Her dark robes blend in with the color of her perch so that all one can see of her is a pale face and hands. She looks down impassively upon us and speaks, "I have summoned you here because your education is not yet complete. Chanthoth never finished the story of your mother, Thandra and your father, Bloodhammer." I notice that our companions have disappeared. Bloodhammer, Duchess VonDoom and I are alone in this cavernous mountaintop observatory with Mistress Crowbastard, who continues on with her story. "Your mother and father did indeed save us from Headron the first time he tried to break through to this dimension but later your father wandered into the newly formed Time Desert during his travels. Soon after you and your brother disappeared from Jenkabala Castle where your mother was taking care of you. The land was stricken with terror and the name of Headron was on everyone's tongues. When you returned to the palace, the northerners knew there would be cataclysmic trouble. 

Your father owns all of this land under the Samurian treaties that took effect when the T'Chah Karnac had power. After your deaths, Headron took possession of your mother's lands through his agents.One by one the smaller tribes, like that of Ophelia Skullbourne and Fester Blackheart were wiped out by the cruel agents of the Wyverns, leaving only two powers in the north, Headron and the Wyvern. Your father could have taken possession of these lands but, like Headron, he has been banished to the outer dimensions. You have been allowed to come back by your father with the express purpose of wiping out the competition that Headron and Bloodhammer can rule unopposed from behind the dimensional cloak."

  

Bloodmace and I look to one another with disbelief. Is this really the truth? Has our father been in league with Headron the whole time?

 But the winner of the night was perennial Metal Night favorite Darkthrone and perhaps their weirdest album, Goatlord. Goatlord consists of demo material from what was supposed to be the death metal follow-up to their debut album before they scrapped it all together and became a black metal band. A few years later, they remixed(?) the demos and added black metal tinged vocals. The result is almost a dada-esque approach to metal, borrowing liberally from Into The Pandemonium era Celtic Frost. At times, the off kilter rhythms remind one of Ozma era Melvins. This album is disconcerting and most rewarding after a few listens. It is controversial with Darkthrone fandom, garnering much hate in the Metal Archive review section. But we loved it. Fuck those nerds, man. Fuck off and die.
 

Words of the Elders
 And so the story winds on through lands unknown. What started as a quest to see justice be done for the possession of our friend, Zodron the Minstrel has led these wanderers from the sweltering Time Desert to mountainous Waylor and now on from beloved Jenkabala to the mysterious prairie like tundra of Samur. 

Until next week, evil wanderers, 


Horns