Thus Spake the Nightspirit - Battle Tales and Black Metal EP's

FUCK INTRODUCTIONS!!!!!!!! I'm just going to give you all the lowdown straight-up. 

Emperor-As The Shadows Rise- First thing Demon Scourge said was that this album sounded like crap. NO guitars and the kick drum was too prominent. I took my knife, brandished it his way, and said, "IT'S SUPPOSED SOUND LIKE THAT!!! IT'S CVLT!!! IT'S NECRO!!!!! Then I cut his fucking head off. But really, it does sound pretty bad. The production makes the average Darkthrone album sound like a Bob Rock extravaganza. But the quality of the songwriting and the inhumane ambiance make this album quite worth while. And listening to black metal for the high production values is like listening to Nickleback for the guitar solos. And why listen to Nickleback? I'd rather listen to something recorded by necrofucks in a basement.

 Emperors second EP, Reverence, is basically the sneak preview to their scalding yet sleek classic 'Anthems To The Welkin At Dawn. Gone are the necro production values, showcasing a BIG FUCKING PRODUCTION  to showcase their increasingly symphonic, bombastic soundscapes. It rapes babies, and therefore is the WINNER OF THE NIGHT!!!!!

Chronicles of the North part 11.1 - Stillbirth Machine  

In the darkness of the root level passages, bugs scurry from the light created by the Dio patch on the bottom left flap of the denim jacket. My right hand rests lightly on the embroidered insignia while a pale light emanates from my left. Up ahead I can hear the voices of Fester Blackheart and Ophelia Skullbourne growing closer as I make my way through the crude passage hacked in one of the huge 
underground tendrils that feed the enchanted tree where the T'Chah Karnac have been imprisoned by 

the Wyvern. The passage widens out into a large chamber where I can make out a dim light in the corner illuminating a metal cage with gears inside that attach to an arm that disappears into the cork-like floor. Fester, Ophelia and Hell Wraith are there. I call out to them, "Hai! When will the Garm be running? The Wyvern legion is attacking, it will only be a short time before the rest of the tribe arrives here from Samur." Fester is halfway up the cage, wrenching one of the gears and calls down, "Almost. we need some kind of oil to get this one unstuck." Ophelia is on the ground, securing the iron arm that plunges into the ground to the mechanism that gives it motion. "Almost done here!" Hellmaster comes running from across the root cavern holding a big black bug like the ones that attacked us in Fester's home. "Look, it's a Brentarn! The T'Chah Karnac used to keep flocks of these to make oil during their exile. We can use this to lube the gears!" he says excitedly. He reaches to the rear of the shiny black creature and squeezes a gland on it's lower thorax. Thick yellow slime bursts fourth into the water skin he holds below the struggling insect. When the container is full, he releases the bug. It scurries 
off into the darkened recesses of this underground room. Hell Wraith holds up the oil to fester,who 

squeezes it out over the rusty gears. Looking around at us, he asks, "Now how do we start it?" A quick check reveals no way to start the strange machine. From behind us, a strange voice answers our question, "You need me for that." Wheeling around I behold a six armed human. Small rectangular glasses mount his nose and he wears a scruffy beard on his chin. "I am Parth-Amon, keeper of the Garm. What is your business here?"

Speaking of baby rape, we heard Marduk's charming ep, 'Fuck Me Jesus'. This being somewhat early in their career of evil, it sounds alot like a sloppy Swedish Death Metal album, with black metal influences creeping in. Still it's an amazing little nugget of hellish crossfire.

Abruptum is a band your friends will never like, and their ep, 'Evil' will get you ostracized from your small town community and thrown off a cliff. Along the way, they will flay you with sticks, as this
album's weird, sludgy noisy ambiance flays your trembling earbones. For true loner wierdos only, which makes this album almost fucking PERFECT.

Arcturus are one of the avant gard elite of black metal. Their Ep, My Angel, is a dark angel indeed. Actually,  I don't remember anything about this album. Were there synths? Definitely. And a lot of traditional influences, but it's still a blackened hellhole of burning souls, but with synths.

Chronicles of the North Part 11.2 - Sons of Amon

Hellmaster is perched on a low branch when he sees the first of the sauron battalions approaching. This is a bad place for him. Long ago, before he was Hellmaster of the Time Desert, he was Ka-Taw, 

of the noble Clan Parth who lived along the River Trimpor with the Sauron in the days of the T'Chah 

Karnac. When the Wyvern took control of Samur and made the sauron their elite, his family chose to worship the new gods and lead their people into a life of servitude to the ascendent lizard folk who once were their equals. When Ka-Taw heard of this, he left his home to wander the forbidden lands, learning the secrets of the Time Desert from Bloodmace and making his home in the barren and forbidding wasteland, becoming the feared Hellmaster. He cursed under his breath as row after row of the Wyvern guard marched beneath him in the gloom. They had surrounded the tree where Chanthoth was working his ancient magic in the prison fortress built within it's trunk. From the inky sky above, the sound of great wings heralded the coming of the Wyvern elders. One by one they landed in the open area near the base of the huge sourwood until there were nearly a dozen of the scaly beasts gathered, each one representing a royal family of this realm. Soldiers were climbing, single file, into the entrance of the trunk, but none had so far come out. He turns to dismount from the branch, but stops as a familiar figure stares at him from the branch above, "So, Ka-Taw, you have returned. This shall be your doom, brother." Hellmaster knew this moment would come. His cousin, Sharlen Gort, leaps nimbly down to the lower limb, drawing a jeweled dagger and hisses, "Now you shall pay for your treachery, fool. I'll skin you alive to finish my armor". From deep within the ground, a rumbling shakes the trees.

Polack punishers Behemoth's ep  And The Forests Dream Eternally is a polished little nugget of black metal dynamics. Despite this being their first (non-demo) recording) their ideas and musicianship are fully formed and well rounded. A mythic journey into the hell soul of the now. What?


Immortal's first self titled ep, on the other hand, sounds like a dip they are just dipping their troll toes into the icy waters. Pretty decent black metal, but they won't find their true purpose until Pure Holocaust. That's when the icy fingers molest your frozen soul.

And lastly, Dimmu Borgir's Inn I Evighetens Mørke. Demon Scourge nearly tore out his eardrums at the synthy textures, but I love love love a little cheese to go with my mead and blood sausage. A worthy corpse fuck.

Words of the Elders
The rich black soil of Jenkabala is aflame with the passions of battle. In the treetops, Bloodmace battles the imperial guard, protecting Chanthoth until Demon Scourge, Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne and Hell Wraith can start the machine deep within the root caverns below that will transform the power of his spell into a disturbance powerful enough to disrupt the energy flow of the Wyvern magic, thus leaving them vulnerable to attack. The final struggle for control of the northern throne has begun. Evil laughter rides on the wind of mayhem so listen carefully and you will hear the storm as it approaches!


Until next week disciples of the watch,



Horns