Under the Sign of the Ax Mark - A tribute to Quarthon with the magic of Vorthon

Let me tell you something.........Satan shall never be defeated!!! In the arsenal of death, great powers of musical hell have been bestowed upon the damned few who dare tread in such demonic waves of goat terror. With great trepidation and and bestial facination, Metal Night presents.............BATHORY!!!!!!!!!!!

SAGA OF THE GATEMASTER PART 2.1 Vorthon, the Whip of Fate.

Demon Scourge ready to strike.

Vorthon the Whip of Fate was a grizzled desert hermit whose dark beard rolled lazily from his chin. His weathered cloak concealed his jeans and leather jacket and his strange, piercing stare concealed his youth. A master of the now forbidden art of necromancy, his mentor in adolescence was none other than the legendary Bloodmace who trained him in the dark arts beneath Mount Raven in southern Waylor. When their fortress was destroyed by the Waylorian emperor, Blun the Magnificent, they were separated until the day Vorthon heard of the great tragedy in the Time Desert. Many mistook it for an anomaly due to the constant intrusion of neighboring dimensions into the burning wasteland that was the domain of Hellmaster the Brave and Lady DeathCrush but Vorthon knew that this was a bad omen for the world of Centon and headed for the place he knew was at the heart of this madness…Castle Thrashstone. When he finally found his way through the devastation, it was too late. Thrashstone was in ruins, the gods of metal were banished into the unspeakable realm of chaos and the roads had appeared in the barren dunescape. His guest knew only some of this though, Thantor the Bard knew that he had crashed his desert van on the rampart of this castle and now he was stuck here. He also knew that this was the place he had been hired to locate by the tyrant, Baron Lotar. As Vorthon led him down the dark passage that terminated in the bright courtyard ahead, he tried to keep a mental note of any dangers he might encounter on his return.

Vorthon goes into his mystical trance.

The thing about understanding what all the fuss is about early Bathory is that absolutely nothing sounded this evil back in 1984 and most of the 80's as a matter of fact. Slayer came close, and did not surpass Bathory in the evil dept. until Reign In Blood. Hellhammer came close, but were more of a blunt instrument, exploring the low ends of the hellscape in primitive fashion. Bathory was just as primitive, but with a completely different feel. They were, in fact, a direct ancestor of Venom, taking their trebley din and Satanic aura to its logical extreme. Bathory first eponymus debut is a regression of the Venom formula, eshewing the tongue in cheek approach and hard rock feel for some more ludicrously serious yet lacerating. But the best thing this album has going for it is its evil ambiance and a mysterious aura. The production is sub-demo shit, the musicianship non-existent. Don't get me wrong, I love the shit out of some primitive, three chord, regressive black metal, it's just that at this point in time, I have heard much better. This first album is mainly valuable as a historical document, ground zero for Scandinavian black metal. The next three albums are a refinement of this approach.

Nactan the Wanderer with the magic ax

2.2 IN THE CASTLE

This time of year, Centon passes nearest its second sun. As Vorthon and Thantor enter the courtyard the blinding light strikes them like a hot tidal wave. The huge courtyard that once teemed with life and magic now sat quiet and foreboding. Stern busts of Druid priests and snarling dragons looked down from the crumbling balustrade above. The giant beetles who traveled with Vorthon were already here sunning themselves near the castle door, antennae waving slowly to a

nd fro as if in a trance. Vorthon again waves his hand before the castle entry and the immense stone door opens to reveal the great hall of Castle Thrashstone. They step through the precipice into the blasted interior of the once great monument of occult knowledge. Light shows through the western wall, almost completely destroyed in the catastrophe that shook the Time Desert. Books, maps, strange talismans, and Random items are scattered throughout the piles of rubble that dot the spacious floor of this shattered oasis.  After silently surveying the ruins, Vorthon speaks in a low, raspy voice. “Sit over there.” He motions to a rough chair pushed against a pile of rubble next to the hearth in the middle of the cavernous room. “I will prepare our victual and we shall discuss your part in the fate of our realm.”  Thantor sinks into the wooden seat, puzzled and a bit alarmed, as he remembers his blaster in the dash holster of his crumpled vehicle outside the castle walls. Unarmed, he might fall victim to any number of nefarious actions by his host. Thantor’s unease increases when a low rumbling issues fourth from deeper within the fortress. A grinding howl that increases pitch and sings a forlorn melody before plunging into its agonizing buzz and dying away in a low hum. “You must not be afraid. I am the Fatewhip of Vor, Keeper of the magic words, which is why they call me Vorthon. Soon you will meet the others and we will begin our preparations.”  Thantor, who has remained calm through his ordeal, can no longer restrain himself. “Look. I don’t know what thing you have goin’ out here but I just need to get my van on the road and get where I need to go. I don’t really have time to fool around out here. If you would just…” His words are cut off by another wave of Vorthon’s hand. For the second time in as many days, the black hand of sleep comes out of nowhere to draw a heavy velvet curtain around Thantor the Bard. From the shadowy recesses of the wrecked compound, a tall monk in silver robes calls to the dusty wizard. “Vorthon, I think it’s ready!” A smile grows under a long beard, and the mystic glances at his guest. “I think all is ready my brother” He intones quietly.

Bathory's second album, "The Return....." is better. The songs are a little more complex, the riffs a little more discernible, which enhances the terrible aura evil and foreboding. 'Bestial Lust' sounds like a Venom throw away, though. If anything, by 1985, the are sticking a little too closely to the Venom sound, and a new generation of thrash bands like Possessed and Dark Angel were threatening to knock them off their cryptic throne.

Tolar the Mystic in battle gear.

The came 'Under The Sign Of The Black Mark', featuring a more muscular production, and a songwriting approach that is more epic, without sacrificing the blazing evil. Bathory is forging ahead, exploring new territory, and further defining their classic sound. Many songs featuring slower tempos, and a feel that foreshadows their later Viking metal period. There even a few keyboards used, tasteful and spar. Lyrically, this is less explicitly satanic, and delves into some Viking territory.

DeathCrush materializing a druid.

And the comes my favorite Bathory album, "Blood Fire Death'. This album is thrashier, but features the first decent production job on any Bathory album. Historically, this the first Viking metal album, the lyrics explicitly referencing Viking mythology. There are acoustic guitars, longer songs, and some clean vocals used, though Quorthon mostly sticks to the troll vocals. The riffs are hammer you with clubs and rips your guts out with axes. There are some brutal, scalding thrashers on this album, such as 'Dies Irae' and 'Holocaust'. This album is just fucking brilliant.

2.3 WORDS OF THE ELDERS

At the top of Mount Raven in Waylor, there stands a stone. A stone unseen by human eyes, unseen by the mighty Bloodmace and his protégé, Vorthon the Whip of Fate and unseen by the conquering troops of the emperor Blun who drove them to the Time Desert. On this stone is carved the secret name of the gate that can reach even the farthest dimensions, beyond the multiverse whose gateway is the world of Centon. Beyond the chaos that lurks outside and to the other side, the other bubble of order in the churning chaos. Chaos that even now is leaking into this world from the place where Demon Scourge betrayed his companions and became Lord Headron of Dantor, ripping the thin wall that keeps the formless, inky nothingness at bay. O evil gods of old, O mighty pantheon of forgotten deities whose voices echo down the corridors of time, Hear us now! IA IA  Let us call upon the black fire to aid these fools who would tread the path of knowledge!  Until next week metal brethren…

Horns.

Lords of Change - Hellmaster does 2011 and Vorthon Does Thrashstone.

The end of the 2011 and the beginning of 2012. Time for a review of all things metal. On this night, instead of listening to albums, we made a playlist of tracks we liked. First, we listened to Hellmaster's choice of top tracks for 2011. Hellmaster, as the youngest metal head, is Metal Night's ambassador of the New Wave of American Heavy Metal. A a crusty, grimy old Gen Xer, I am supposed to scoff and look down upon such candy assed nonsense. I mean, I first sprouted public hair to Slayer and Exodus, first masturbated to the rhythms of Possessed, sodomized a goat to Morbid Angel! How can these newbies possibly compare to the old masters. As the Judgement of Metal Night, the resident Tyrant of Taste, ambassador of  death metal, black metal, scuzz metal, ect ect, I shall now scrutinize this list.

Thantor the Bard

Thantor the Bard stepped out of his van into the burning sun of the Time Desert, blinked his eyes and spit on the black sand. The tarmac had not disappeared during the night and that was a pleasant surprise. Ever since the roads had appeared in the time desert, Thantor and other tradesmen had been traveling between the northern forests of Jenkabala and the southern mountains of Waylor to provide services for the strange inhabitants of that rocky coast. The increased trade had begun to make a few wealthy but the dangers were many. Great stretches of pavement had indeed materialized, perhaps uncovered by the great wind storm or transplanted from one of the adjacent dimensions but they were liable to disappear. Many have perished without the aid of magical device called the tauriat. Fashioned by the legendary Bloodmace in deepest Waylor, the tauriat detects the ever-shifting dimensional fault line that the road always follows. A cryptophysicist called Hell Wraith had managed to reverse engineer this invention and made six such devices before disappearing in the mysterious Time Desert. Even with a tauriat, safe passage is not guaranteed. Mutants lurk in the kaleidoscopic sands; water is always hard to come by and if you wander too close to the fault line dimensional friction will tear you apart. Leading a caravan of traders and craftsmen to Waylor was steady income for Thantor, as he possessed a tauriat, but today he was alone. Today he had a very strange and well-paying job for the Baron Lotar in the Zanthon Mountains of northern Waylor. He could make it there by dawn if the road held out.

 Deicide: Witness of Death-So we start out with a slicing new track from old school death metal band Deicide. Fuck! I didn't even know they had a new album out. This does not sound as evil or dissonant as the old stuff. I believe the only original band member is Charles Manson wannabe Glenn Benton, but its good stuff. Best thing I've heard from Deicide in a while.


















3 inches of Blood: Lords of Change-The new 3 Inches definitely has a thrashy, NWOAHM vibe to it, the guitars are a bit crunchier, the drums a bit punchier, but this still definitely sounds like 'em. Cam Pipes' pipes are unmistakable. Good track from the new Ep.

 

The suns were at their highest point as Thantor’s black, rusty van sped across the sandy wasteland leaving a cloud of glittering dust in its wake. As he hurdled across the barren desert, his thoughts turned to this strange job he had been offered. Many spoke the name of Baron Lotar as one of the cruelest tyrants, for many had been tortured in his dungeon or made to work in his oil field after being waylaid by his henchmen who patrol the nearby lands looking for lone wanderers.  The Baron wanted his services as a guide in the Time Desert, but not to just anywhere. He was looking for a ruined castle, destroyed in the cataclysmic windstorm that shook the whole region a year ago. Lost in thought, Thantor didn’t notice the wind picking up force and before he knew it the road had disappeared in the crimson sands. Looking down at his tauriat, he began to curse softly under his breath. The green crystal suspended inside a frame of polished metal had gone dark; there was no way to know where the dimensional fault line was. Turning the weathered transport west, he sped into the tempest in hopes of avoiding the slowly advancing rift. When the stone wall emerged out of the cloud of sand around him, he swerved, but too late. The force of the impact threw the lanky driver against the passenger door. Everything was suddenly silent and just before the black hand of sleep closed his eyes, Thantor caught sight of a dark shape moving in the cloud of silver sand.

Iced Earth: Dystopia-I've never been able to warm up to Iced Earth. I don't hate them, but i don't really give a shit about them either. That's not their fault and its really hard to put my finger on a reason why. I think that I like more bombast in my power metal. Gimee some Blind Guardian or Manowar. This is good power metal; flawless, really, if a bit generic, kind of meat and potatoes. They are a band that has been around forever and have a solid core following. But I don't care.


Skeletonwitch: Shredding Sacred Flesh-I'm not sure why I'm not more into this. On paper, this is everything I love about metal-evil sound, melodic riffs, thrashy guitars. Leaves me cold. Actaully, I think its because Witchery's first album is the be all, end all of blackened thrash albums for me, and nothing else even comes close to attaining that kind of ferocious majesty. It's not their fault, since this is one of the best bands going today, but I'm an old man and inclined towards prejudice.

Amon Amarth: War of the Gods-These vikings keep putting out the same album over and over again. When it works, like this track, it's mighty and enthralling. When it doesn't, like the rest of the album, it's kind of boring. This is meat and potatoes melodic Viking death metal. Amon Amarth invented the genre.

DevilDriver: Dead to Rights-This is one of the quintessential NWOAHM bands, doing the Swedish thing with American panache, very straightforward, with great riffs to pummel you with. I like this. It's as fucking heavy as fuck cakes.

When Thantor the Bard, poet of Antov, awoke in his crushed vehicle the first thing he noticed was the tauriat, which landed in the driver’s seat. The crystal had cracked and was leaking out greenish fluid. He was stranded. The second thing he noticed was the wild-eyed hermit inspecting him from outside the windshield. Laughing like a madman, the bestial stranger addressees the leather clad traveler “Run into some problems have ye? Only fools travel here…and alone too?  HAHAHAAHAHA!” He opens the driver door, revealing four huge beetles, antennae waving furiously, mandibles gnashing. Suddenly his laughter ceases and he speaks with a stern voice. “I am Vorthon, the Whip of Fate and you will come with me. Can you rise?” Thantor drags himself into a sitting position, rubs his eyes and exits the van. The suns are blinding and the scorching temperature burns at him as he limps behind the hermit surrounded by his insect pets. Involuntarily, a gasp escapes from the mouth of the injured bard as he turns and realizes what he hit in the sandstorm last night. A huge wall rises before them. Great turrets pierce the sky. This vast ruined castle was undoubtedly the same place Baron Lotar had hired him to find. Carved into the crumbling stone walls were sinister looking symbols and the loathsome figures of eldritch gods. “Welcome to Castle Thrashstone, young knave.” Vorthon brushes his stringy locks from his eyes and tugs at the coarse beard that reaches his chest. “I think you may find this place interesting.”  Impatient, his huge beetles scurry into the cracks around the immense stone door Vorthon opens with a wave of his hand. “This is only the beginning. We have much to do.” Vorthon disappears into the gaping doorway as Thantor limps behind.

Arch Enemy: Bloodstained Cross-This is the Swedish death/thrash band fronted by a chick. This song sounds like any other Arch Enemy song. Its fast, its brutal, its catchy, its played with precision and clarity. Most people either really like this band or hate them. I myself, don't listen to them often, but am always glad when I do.

All Shall Perish: Procession of Ashes/A Pure Evil- Encyclopedia Metallum describes this band as deathcore. As a death metal purist, this is supposed to sent me into spasms of hatred and disgust. But that is just my natural mental state, which is why I like death metal so damn much. This just makes me go 'meh'. I just am not inspired by the chug chug chug riffs or the breakdowns. I am not inspired to scissor kick by this, thank the evil satan.
 

Christgrinder: Smoke Crack, Worship Satan-This is a fucking sweet track. Beautiful monikered blackened death metal. This is a new band and I hope to see what they have in store in the future.


After these tracks were played, we played mine. I forgot to write down what was played, but fuck it, I already wrote my opinions about the albums here.

Where is the beginning? Time is a repeating pattern that regenerates cycle after cycle. Some live outside this continuum or in several such zones. When Demon Scourge killed his companions a hole was ripped in the very fabric of reality. From this entryway the chaos dimension is leaking through to the multidimensional lands and the epicenter of this is Castle Thrashstone. If time breaks down there is no predictability, no reference point. All science and magic fall apart without the scaffold of time to hang their tricks upon. The battle of Thrashstone was a turning point in the Gateway world of Centon. The very fate of each dimension beyond it hangs on the dependability of this one cog. What does this have to do with the tyrant, the hermit, the wanderer and the scientist?

Until next week brothers and sisters…

Horns.

The Death Gate of Reincarnation - Canadian metal and slaughter at Castle Thrashstone

This is this song that brought the world of Canadian Metal to our attention. I mean, Americans rarely ever think about Canada, anyway, so we are thankful that Fenriz and Nocturno Culto brought this to the attention of the Metal Universe. Canadian Metal is fucking awesome! Canada has way more real metal bands per capita than the USA, and a no bullshit aesthetic is quite apparent upon a sampling of them. Canada's metal bands are less watered down than American metal bands, kind of in the way our beer if often inferior. This entry is therefore an ode to Canadian supremacy! Let us take a journey through the frozen hinterlands of CANADIAN METAL!!!

Castle Thrashstone was cold and dark as we materialized into the great chamber. Bloodmace, Lord Raknar and I had teleported here from the forest of Samur with Lady DeathCrush to heal the stricken Hellmaster who had been bewitched by the lizard queen in our encounter with the Wyvern. DeathCrush snaps her fingers and the great hearth roars with fire. Whirling around suddenly, she addresses us all. “We must heal Hellmaster at once. The Wyvern elders have revealed to me that Lord Headron plans to destroy the multidimensional lands in an attempt to activate the shadow realm. Our friend Zodron the minstrel was not Hedron’s only victim. He has stolen the will of many to power the spell that will bring cataclysmic changes and open the gate for the ever-expanding shadow that has already fallen over time and space.” Immediately, Bloodmace begins preparations for the dangerous magic he must work to bring Hellmaster out of his trance. Apparently, the lizard people we encountered and battled in Witch’s Valley were the Sauropeds. These people were the sworn servants of the Wyverns and served as their messengers on this plane. By brutally killing them and threatening their princess, we had earned the wrath of the Wyvern elders. But even they, enraged as they were, had to spare the lives of our party if only to preserve the temporal integrity of the multidimensional lands. Hedron’s plan would destroy all they worked for as well, for they had a stake in preserving the patriarchy that ruled over the lands outside Jenkabala and the Time Desert. They could not destroy all of us but the princess wanted one of our party in particular, and that one was Hellmaster. She felt his offence as one of the royal family in their very lands was too great to be ignored and demanded his punishment. Having repudiated the ancient religion of his people, none would come to his aid but DeathCrush had a plan, as always. She knew Bloodmace’s powers and negotiated a punishment that was known as the “loss of soul,” a heavy duty hypnomorph spell that the Sauroped people believed was the death of one’s soul. This would fulfill his obligations but leave him to be healed by the mighty Bloodmace.

First album of the night was the caustic fuckstorm of Kataklysm's first album 'Sorcery'. One glance at the album cover would have you thinking that this was some sword and sorcery he-man fest in the vein of Cirith Ungol and Omen, but this is brutal old school death metal. with a drummer who laid the groundwork for the ultra-fast death metal style that was to emerge in the late 90's. This is simply great death metal, chock full of great riffs, thick guitar tones, and sick grooves. Lyrically, this is weird, cryptic concept album about magic and the nether beasts of yore.  More than a cursory peek at the lyric sheet is necessary to decipher whatever the fuck is going on in the story.

Bloodmace was chanting, moving into the mind of Hellmaster, screaming now, cracks forming in dirt caked flesh. Both warriors are in the magic circle with the unseen forces marshaled against us by the Sauropeds and the Wyvern. Blood and vomit splatter the walls of Castle Thrashstone. Burning goo cuts the flesh of Lord Raknar, who curses and spits. Hellmaster screams with the voice of a beast “ONE OF YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Bloodmace sprays laser blood out of his eyes. Then silence. The spell is broken. We have one day to prepare for Dantor. As Bloodmace and Hellmaster rest, DeathCrush and I use the amulets made of Zodron’s skull and the Wyvern blood to conjure the door. Lord Raknar sits uneasily by the others and waits for them to wake from their black, dreamless slumber.

But the night's winner was, without a doubt, Annihilator's 1989 debut, 'Alice In Hell'. This is a true thrash classic, a sleek metal machine built from the mighty axe work of Jeff Waters. The beast master acoustic into lulls you into succor, until riff after well constructed riff bowls you over with power and majesty, guitar solos slice your guts, and rhythm section thrash you into oblivion with a sense of metallic grace. This is a guitar fetishists album. It is all GUITAR GUITAR GUITAR!!!!! It is an album that is so purely metal that all your pleasure centers in your brain squeal in delight and agony. It lays to waste even the Wasteland! Arrrrg!!! Fuckin' rules!!!

 

The next evening, as the sun descends, Bloodmace and Hellmaster appear in the great hall with corpsepaint and leather, ready for battle. The gate is prepared, symbols painted in Wyvern blood, incense smoke heavy in the air. Bloodmace begins to incant the secret words that will open the gate to Dantor as I step into the middle of the room “Don’t bother with you spells, barbarian. I have been here the whole time.” Silence falls over the stunned warriors as I reveal the horrible truth. “HA! You have fallen into my trap and now you shall die along with your precious world. HAHAHAHAHA! DIE FOOLS!” I, Demon Scourge who is also Lord Headron of Dantor wave my hand and burn through the flesh of the metal warriors who I have traveled with on the way to their destruction. “I will build a Hot Topic in Jenkabala palace with your name on it Bloodmace!” The enraged warrior swings at me with his mace but I grab the crude weapon from his hand and toss it into the growing abyss. Bloodmace cries out “AAAARGHHHHH! Curse you Headron. We will destroy you!” He pushes me toward the yawning portal as Hellmaster and DeathCrush dart across the cavernous hall with swords drawn. Master Raknar sneaks around from the side and tries to remove one of the amulets but he is sucked into the void. From the other side of the gateway comes a low rumbling. The transformation has begun. Stone floors crack and burst, revealing a dark, torrid sea of slick waves and everything around us begins to fade away, leaving only the chaos dimension. Bloodmace looks up at me from the last bit of floor we stand on. I cannot hear the words he whispers or make out the sign his hand traces in the air but when the first rush of pain racks my body I know what he has done. Waylorian magic is deep and he has drawn from the dangerous pool of that infernal knowledge. Blood drips from my burning skull as it caves in on the side and I know that I will soon be caught in the inferno, swept away on the stormy currents that even now are being obscured by the return of physical reality. Castle Thrashstone was cold and dark. Bodies were scattered everywhere. The crumpled forms of five players in an obscure game were dimly illuminated by the breaking dawn. Ice formed over the time desert and crystals hung from the ceiling like vast chandeliers, stained ruby red with the blood of hero and villain. From the shadowy recesses deeper within the castle, Bathory is heard and a cloaked figure emerges. Light pierces the horizon.     

A bit more ragged, a bit more evil, but no less awesome was our last album, Razor's 2nd release 'Evil Invaders'. This is in many ways quintessential Canadian thrash album. While Annihilator's thrash metal is sleek and slick, most Canadian thrash is a bit more lo-fi and punkish, and Razor exemplify this. Vocalist Sheepdog(???) has the perfect vocal attack for thrash, gargly but distinct. The guitar work is basic and simple, not overwheming the rest of the band. That's one thing that is wonderful about this band; no one player dominates, the whole band melds to deliver a singular necksnapping attack. This is good, basic thrash metal.





I have a feeling we'll be returning to this magic metal land of Canada in the near future. Now off I go to fight shaggoths and faggoths!!!! DEATH TO FALSE METAL!!!! ALL HAIL METAL NIGHT!!!!

Friends, enemies, patriots and traitors. When the great tide of events changes direction all are carried out into the churning unknown. In a land where the boundaries of many physical worlds abut one another there will always be shifting allegiances and ruptures in the dimensions. None but the dwellers of the void and our gateway plane can understand the secret war that rages for control of the multiverse. Let the keepers of the Timewind hear our cry! Let the lords above the kings above the masters tremble with this word! IA! We have gone together to the entryway of your castle and now we will RETUN to this strange realm of might and magic. You have turned us back this time but we have not been destroyed. Until next week metal breathren…

Horns.

Bloodmace's Top Metal Albums of 2011

Metal Night has been in existence for almost a year now, ever since I moved back to Grand Rapids. Chris.....I mean, Demon Scourge......chose Mondays as our day for getting together because it is one of the few nights he has the crib free for some unrestrained and trollish listening experiences. Metal Night has been an absolute pleasure to preside over and not only have I heard some great music, but made some friends along the way. Also, I got sooo hammered a few times.

2011 was an ok year for metal, but mainly notable for some major disappointments by some major bands, like Metallica and Megadeth. Morbid Angel released the years most reviled metal album, though it did make this list. It did not see anything nearly as enthralling as the two previous years. The late Aughts saw extreme metal surge into popularity, and experience a creative blossoming  that caught the eye of such highbrow rags as The New Yorker, Slate, perennial phlegmatists NPR, and that trend continues into the Teens. I am hoping that the downturn in quality does not signify a new trend. But, there were many awesome albums released this year, and this is my top 15.


1. Ouroboros-Glorification of a Myth-This is my favorite death metal album of the year. A bludgeoning hammersmash of technical metal glory. Riff after catchy, complicated riff steels your soul and makes you act like a man. Glorious!

2. Negative Plane-Stained Glass Revelations-A weird, cavernous journey in reverberated hell. No other black metal band sounds like this. Soooo good!

3. Morbid Angel-Illud Divinum Insanus-Their most controversial album, and widely panned by many as the worst album of the year, but damn it, I returned to this more than any other. This is filled with just enough old school tunes, and 'Destructos Vs. The Earth-Attack' is my favorite single song. It is a joyous stomp. The lyrics are dumb and corny, but you don't mind when ManOWar does the same thing. This album is not nearly as bad as they say.

4. Krallice-Diotima-Black Hipster Metal, New Yorker Metal, whatever. Krallice has managed to take most of the evil out of black metal yet still make it compelling.

5. Crowbar-Sever The Wicked Hand-Best album in years from the thundering behemoths of Nola super sludge. Heavy as the center of the sun, this is also as hopeful as they ever sounded.

6.Korpiklaani-Ukon Waacka- No real surprises from these folk metalers, just a solid set of tunes. Love this band.

7. Burzum-From The Depths Of Darkness-One of the few instances where a re-recording is superior to the original release. An evil, fucked up trip into teenage sociopath landscapes, retooled for the 21st century.

8. Blaspherian-Infernal Warriors of Death-When neo-thrash got old, the new trend for the kids is recreating old school death metal, which is fine by me. This is one of the best of the batch. Think Incantation meets Immolation. Dank, dark, sick, fucking sweet!

9. Absu-Abzu-Basically starts off in the same vein as their last eponymous titled album, but slightly more jagged and less user friendly. Vicious hellride to the mystical realms of death.

10. Ghost-Opus Eponymous-Released in England in 2010, this did not reach the states until this year and I've been obsessed with it for most of the year. Best album of the year. Probably the best album of the past 15 years. Sickly sweet odes to draw you in to Master Satan.

11.Wolvhammer-The Obsidian Plains-This is a cranky bastard of an album. Apparently its black metal filtered through hardcore, but it comes across as filthy blackened grimy sludge. Exhilarating.

12.Stryper-The Covering-Guilty pleasure of the year. It reminds me of why I liked this band in the first place. It is just great classic metal with fantastic harmonies. Not all the covers work for them, but most do, especially when they stick to classic metal instead of hard rock, and the two original songs sound like old school Stryper.

13.Oranssi Pazuzu-Kosmonument-Weirdest PCP-tinged mind fuck black metal album of the year. A very strange, compelling, uncomfortable trip. Groovy.

14. Origin-Enity-This ultra-fast, ultra technical death metal is not exactly the new sound , but god is it a rush. Jaw dropping musicianship, crushingly fast, fucks your face fast and proficiently.

15. Craft-Void-Craft take a few good riffs and make a universe. Stripped down and beautiful in a godawful ugly way.

Other albums of note: I thought the new Anthrax was pretty good, but paled compared to their older stuff. Joey Belladonna sounded good, but I wish it were thrashier. Despite being universally panned, I though the Lou Reed/Metallica collaboration good, definitely not as bad as its made out to be. Just approach it as a Lou Reed album.

 Looking forward to another year of chronicling our adventures in this dimension and the next.