Exiled to the Abyss - Bildorf's Island Hell and Old Men Ranting in the Jenkabala Night

We are old dudes. Demon Scourge and I live in the realm of the Glory Daze, raised on the mothers milk of 80's thrash, 90's black metal, hordes of Priest and Maiden imitators, Priest and Maiden, Motorhead, and most anything else righteously labeled 'old school'. But we do arise from the musty basement of yesteryear upon occasion, flames and smoke peeking out the cellar door, about once a year, at the end of the year, to check out some new shit, hoping we are not too disappointed. And we were not. 2014 was a stellar year for metal, and here is some of the shit that we liked.

Behemoth's The Satanist has made so many top ten lists this year that it's kind of ridiculous. But the accolades are well deserved. I've never been a fan of their blackened death metal phase; too much overblown and gimmicky histrionics, not enough dynamics. But this flaw has been corrected, and Behemoth have crafted a masterpiece. Big production meets compositional strength, the riffs and atmosphere taking you to in surprising direction, but always grounded a brutal fistfuck of sound. Refreshingly, the annoying overdriven vocals of yesteryear have been toned down a couple notches, and the tempos are not a ridiculous spastic blur. Say what you will about the quasi-mall metal image, this album is a wet blowjob to Satan, and is the winner of the night, of that night, when ever it was.

Into the Necro Lands Part 15.1 - Riders of the Doom

Rygar the Seeker stood stood before us on the precipice of rocky coral and sea junk, looking out on the shipyard concealed within this weird island. He turned toward Bloodmace and I with a flourish of his dusty cape and stroked his close cropped beard, “Below is the heart of Bildorf's might.” He pointed down to the

vast cavern, filled with vessels hijacked from every corner of the Dakti Ocean, “I came here with my troops, who are quartered below, to take you back to the mainland before Necro Baby can strike back at Bildorf. We must act now.” Bloodmace steps forward and replies, “Without our battle jackets, we don't have much in the way of magic, but I have this.” He brandishes his spirit mace with a bloodthirsty look. Rygar unsheathes his machete in solidarity and with a rougeish smile motions us to follow, “the plan is already in motion,” pausing to look at his watch, “Three, two, one...” An explosion rocks the cave, “Hurry! Down this passage!”

Oh, we also listened to Godflesh's triumphant return album, A World Lit Only By Fire. There a no real innovations or major changes to their sound, for this can be non other than a Godflesh album. The band revisits some old tropes, some old riffs, and remixes them in a hellishly hypnotic din of torment and anguish. The sound is rather dry and compressed, but that's a minor poo poo. They have thankfully gotten their old drummer back, who is a drum machine. Welcome to your unique hell.

So the next week we kept it up and listened to a ton of new shit. First, we heard Pallbearer's hip hipster friendly doom trip, Foundations of Burden. This is a vast improvement over their overhyped debut. Better
riffs and sweeter melodies go down like smooth vodka on a winters night, and then often 10 minute long songs never get boring or feel drawn out. Good shit right here, dude. They will fill up the Pyramid Scheme when they come to town, guaranteed.

German thrash standard bearers Tankard released R.I.B.(Rest In Beer) this year, and all is right with the world. This album contained no surprises, but was a solid, well-crafted riff fest. Not much else to say about this album but that it inspired some serious headbanging and an air guitar attack by yours truly.

The wonderfully monikered Pestifer fucked our fucking faces with their tech death extravaganza, Reaching The Void. As wonderful as it is to find a good new technical death metal album that doesn't just sound like Cryptopsy, this album doesn't break much ground. It is a familiar mix of ground tread by Death, Necrophagist, and host of other nimble fingered face fuckers. Quite good.

Into the Necro Lands Part 15.2 - Tree of Thorns

In the terrifying moments we spent careening down the collapsing tunnel I lived a hundred lifetimes. All around us, chaos was taking hold. Ahead I could see the exit, so I bolted forward, but I could tell something was not right the moment I left the crumbling passage. Energy bolts exploded all around me as debris

continued to rain down on my head. Bildorf's henchmen, who jumped in surprise as we barreled out of the aperture behind them, were being fired upon by the minions of Necro Baby, who had arrived ahead of schedule. We wasted not a moment of their unpreparedness, I ran the first through with my trusty longsword while Bloodmace reduced the other two to a wretched pile of pulp with the feared weapon of his people. Rygar shouted from behind us, “Look out, Necrites!” Swooping down from above, two black winged deadbirds screamed their war cry, skeletal riders raining arrows down on the rocky beach. I leap for the cover of a nearby boulder but as I turn I can see, almost in slow motion, an arrow about to hit its mark. In an instant, the seeker of Thrashstone deflects the projectile with his cape as feathered serpents swarm over the rise and smash the undead warriors. Rygar shouts to Bloodmace and I, “Quickly, mount a serpent! To the mainland and Sekran!” We join their procession and after a precipitous ascent, I behold through my nausea and fear the attack on Bildorf's island by the Necromancer's forces. Just as we ride into the setting sun, I get a chilling glance of a tremendous baby rising out of the sea...

But the winner of the fucking night was Dawnbringer's heavy metal bad assness, Night of the Hammer. This was a great find. It is well composed, ballsy heavy metal with clean, Nordic inspired vocals and harmonies, and lyrics, and a dark, old school black metal ala Merciful Fate feel. We were blown away by the quality and sweetness. It is a dark chocolate bar filled with crack nuggets. Definitely checking out their back catalogue.

Words of the Elders

AkKachakRak! Aid us in the hour of peril, FarNnAl, Sepchoug! Come int the house of Tam! War has come to the realm of the titans and the terrible brothers are caught in the middle again. The swirling void of disaster has been activated and fear will rule the land. Paura nella cittia' dei morte viventi!

Until next time hellhordes,

Horns

Stellar Master Elite - Industrial Metal at Thrashstone With the Legend of Bloodmace and Demon Scourge

The mass of men and muscle labor infinity, the sweat glistening from their furrowed brows, as the grey hulks of industry, molten steel and heavy hammers, oppress both landscapes and souls. As I write this sentence, Rob Halford gets an erection while thinking these very same thoughts. Indeed, such an apocalyptic landscape can summon something near beauty in the mind of riivetheads worldwide. Tonight, we consider three classics of the industrial metal sphere. Tonight, we dive head first into the slag thresher for METAL NIGHT!!!!!!

First up, Prong's 1994 chuggernaut Cleansing bowled us over with 4 song of pummeling sonic intensity and riff craft. And then it petered out. But it was interesting. But seriously, the first 4 songs define the album with their tightly compressed riffs and concise and sometimes danceable rhythms. From there, it gradually gets less interesting and definitely less intense, employing many typical 90's nu metal type textures, lot's of dissonance over vaguely funky/hard grooves, though fortunately sparing us any inane riffs typical of that genre. And that's all ok, since this is the band that pioneered that approach in the first place.

Epilog Part 1.1 - Dream Long Dead

All was quiet in the ruined tower. I sat among piles of rubble and the blood covered detritus that once was our great library. Our long quest was over, Headron had been defeated, but now what was to become of our beloved world, Centon? Looking out from the smashed battlement I could see a breathtaking vista of destruction spread out before me in the misty light of dawn. I looked to the twin thrones, now lying in pieces on the dusty stone floor, and reflected on the beginning of our path, when the insatiable Lord Headron possessed Zodron the Minstrel and caused him to attack us. Vowing revenge, swords in hand, we set out to find Lord Headron in Dantor and put an end to his rule. On the way we met the legion of heroes: Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush, Master Raknar and Tolar the Mystic. Together we traveled through Samur and the Time Desert, seeking a way into the dimension where Headron worked his hateful magic. We were just about to cross into Dantor through a gate we had opened inside the throne room of Castle Thrashstone when Headron took possession of my body and caused me to slay my companions without mercy. Darkness descended over our

kingdom. Headron occupied our home and became ruler of all Centon when he allied with the Wyvern, powerful dragons who represented the five royal bloodlines. Unbeknownst to the ascendent tyrant, however, there was a stirring in the Time Desert. Vorthon the Whip of Fate, a former student of Bloodmace, had heard the tales of our demise and took up residence in the ruins of the desert castle with the crytophysicist Hellwraith. Immediately they began working on the tools to resurrect us at the peak of Mount Tarvo in Waylolr. They enlisted Baron Lotar, the famous tyrant and sentinel of northern Waylor and also his bitter enemy, Lady Steel of Keep Trawston. The unlikely band of adventurers and magicians somehow did manage to free us from the inky void, but we were immediately shanghaied by our father, Bloodhammer, who was buried under the mountain. He sent us back to Jenkabala, to the enchanted sourwood tree where Chanthoth, last of the T'chah Karnac was imprisoned. The mystic then sent Bloodmace into the Time Desert, to mend the dimensional rift I caused while possessed by Headron. I was sent with Fester Blackheart and Ophelia Skullbourne to the lair of Iron Dan, where
the last traces of Headron's spell were removed from my mind. While there, I was introduced to Frostor the Bounty Hunter, who joined us for a perilous battle with the Wyvern elders. Bloodmace, who had returned with Hellmaster, Lady Deathcrush and Master Raknar, saved the day in a death defying duel in the treetops. From there Duchess VonDoom took us to Samur, where we visited the castle of Mistress Crowbastard, who transported us to Narn, the midway point between the walking dimensions and the spirit realm. While we were there, we met Lars the Berserker who owned one of the sacred denim and leather jackets from ancient times. We rowed across the spirit lake to the island of Va, where Iron Dan's father, Parthon the Elder, sent us to Dantor. Jarkon the Inflamer introduced us to the spider king, Rangar the Sectaurian and with the help of Vecton the Bard, we stormed the castle of our enemy. Unfortunatly, upon our return to Centon, a new enemy had risen to challenge us, the fearsome Necro Baby.

Next, a sentimental favorite. Godflesh's Streetcleaner fucked us to death with it's bleak industrial cock. This is one of the seminal albums of the industrial metal genre and one that seered itself to my black soul many years ago, when I first heard the title song on Earache's Grindcrusher comp. This album, released in 1989, is still just as heavy, just as crushing, and just as revolutionary as it was then. Fascist hatescapes are offered as songs, each one more oppressive than the rest. Somehow, a trace of melody elevates the absolute nihilism of tone, making catharsis possible, a technique explored more in depth on their classic album, Pure. Also, it was really nice hear this album blasted Hellmaster's state of the art sound system at Castle Thrashstone.

Epilog Part 1.2 - Home Rule

I am awakened from my reverie by Rangar the Sectaurian and Bloodmace, who have come from a tour of the disaster area that was once our home. My brother has found our scepters and capes and he jovially hands me the ceremonial accouterments, "Well, the palace is wrecked, but at least we still have our monkey suits!" Rangar and the crude barbarian fall out laughing. The spider lord composes himself and stretches out this hand to me, "My friend, Lars and I must travel back to Dantor. We have much to do in our own dimension." Behind the weary warriors, Lars the Berserker appears, his fur cloak matted with blood. He puts has hand on my shoulder and says, "You have done well my brothers. I have something for you." From a sachel hanging on his belt, he pulls two embroidered patches, "You will need these to find the fifth jacket. The unexpectedly heavy patches have the

Mercyful Fate logo sewn into them. Rangar speaks again, "You can also call us with the patches we have given you." I look down at the Mornful Congregation patch the spider king gave to me before our battle with Headron. Blue light bathes the room as the portal in the the remaining wall begins to open. Bloodmace calls out from behind me, "Safe travels to you, lords of Dantor!" He rushes up to embrace our new commrades but their forms have already fadede into the louminous mist. The throne room is once agqain silent. Bloodmace looks at me and I at him. "What now, brother?" I ask the hulking savage. He looks out at the sunrise and replies, "We have a kingom to rule, and one big problem with Necro Baby." His serious face is illuminated by the sun breaking above the trees, "First, we build a new Jenkabala palace. Let us call the druids back. Now is the time to strike!"

 But the winner of the night, as much as I love Godflesh, went to black metal icon Thorns and their one eponymous full length release. This is a classic black metal album that I had overlooked and it kicked my fucking ass. This is black metal in the classic sense;; a little bit of Emperor riffage here, some Darkthrone tones there, a Satyricon burp, you know the score, but all of this is delivered with the addition of the cold industrialism and experimentation.. It does indeed at times resemble Dr. Mengle's horror lab in the level of weird wonder layered over the wickedly delivered metal, reminding one of Sigh, but much tighter and focused in attack. This album was released in 2001. This album migt have been released much earlier if the Thorns guy hadn't been with Varg when he stabbed Euronymous in the face back in the day. He went to jail.

Words of the Elders

A time of transitions is always painful. With every triumph there is a million paths not followed, untold destinies that dissipate as every moment dies. As the legion of heroes makes their way through the labyrinthine catacombs of fate, the evil Necro Baby watches, waiting for her chance to destroy the bonds that hold them together. Join us as we boldly plunge into the foggy realms where past and future mingle!

Until next week, dangerous druids,

Horns