Universal Sleeper - International Stoner Metal in the Nest of Evil and a Time Desert Cycle

The Nest of Evil is the home of the fabled tyrant of yore, Lady Birdblood. Under her rule, the laws of hell were strictly obeyed and blood was shed at the drop of a hat. One chilly night, I, Demon Scourge of Jenkabala dared to enter her spiritual realm and discover the secrets of stoner metal. I arrived with the sacred relics of our jungle land and lit the black candles. In a moment, her minions surrounded me, their swords glowing in the moonlight coming through the tremendous window next to us. Slowly, the Lady herself materialized with the rulers of Urak. Losi of the Wolfskeep, The Maddaughter Tesa and Little Sip. Soon, Mistress Crowbastard and Rangar the Sectaurian arrived and the challenge had begun!

The first band we delved into was Predicted from Moscow. Now split up, their sole release was the 2011 Demos In The Witch House. I was a sucker for the cover art and the Lovecraft themed album title and this band was well liked by the council, but as with so many good bands, stiff competition form the other two contenders knocked them out of the running. The music is a stoner/doom concoction, falling more in the realm of Sabbath influenced doom most of the time. While not the most original band we have ever encountered, they set the pace for the night to come, also,this.

Lives of the Noble Centonians Part 8.1 - The Void

The wooden table was crowded with humans and the air was filled with the mummer of quiet conversation. The tower room of Castle Stonefist was host to representatives from each human tribe on this strange world. The order of the day was discussion of the chilling events that had plagued the villages around the Time Desert. As the hot sun began to set, casting its warm red glow through the open windows, Bloodmace began to speak to the group, "My friends, we have come far to understand this new threat from the dimensional wasteland. When Headron was defeated so long ago, he left the middle of our country an almost uninhabitable desert before our forebearers sent him back into

Dantor, but now we face a new threat. As most of you know, several villages have disappeared, seemingly eaten by the Time Desert. Monsters that have never been seen in this dimension are attacking travelers in the north. I fear that all of these things can point to just one cause: the return of Headron." A fearful gasp escaped from the gathering, for the fear of this otherworldly dweller was very real, even generations after his defeat at the hands of Bloodhammer and Thandra. Lady Steel was the first to speak, "I have felt the presence of this force since the last moon. Keep Trawston stands ready to repel any invaders." Vecton the Bard opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut short by a blast that rocked the tower. Skyrock ran to the window to see what the commotion was all about. He leaned out the window for a moment then whipped around and yelled, "Wyvern! Get out! Run!" In seconds the party was headed down the tower stairs, rushing to join the battle. Bursting from the door, weapons drawn, they are confronted by an elder wyvern. The creature takes a swat at Bloodmace, who rolls out of the way just in time to avoid being crushed by it's massive foot. "People of Stonefist," The wyvern bellows, "give us the other humans. We have no quarrel with you, don't let the doom of these fools cause your death as well. We will spare you if you give them up." Skyrock took but a moment to answer the scaly interloper with laughter and a blast of fire that exploded from open hands.

Bevar Sea, riding in on a dark horse, reaping heads from the attendees. It might have been the dark n' stormy cocktails making their magic, but this band really got the crowd on its feet with their self titled album. The production on this second jam was much more tidy and the boys from Bangalore are in top form with some crushing, bass heavy jams that, like Predicted, rely heavily on the old Sabbath riffs for inspiration. I like their facebook page.

From India came

Lives of The Noble Centonians Part 8.2 - Ripping Into Pieces

The battle exploded almost out of nowhere. Within seconds of Cursebringer's repudiation of the wyveren's claim to his guests, there was a brutal assault on the stronghold. Wyverns came racing in from points unseen and hurled fire at the humans streaming out from the patchwork castle,

slaughtering many of the enemy almost instantly with their powerful moshbolts, the stock in trade of the Urak peninsula magic users arsenal. Bloodmace and Demon Scourge, back to back killed many of the invaders with their enchanted weapons, their young hands shaking with fear and yet guided by the hundred gods. One after another the mighty lizard warriors were repelled by the insurgent humans. The sun was setting on the rocky landscape and the horrible smell of death was beginning to hover over the grounds of Castle Stonefist. "Come," motions skyrock, "let us remove ourselves to the gardens to finish our discussion." Hellmaster, emerging from behind a fallen wyvern, is wiping the blood from his gleaming blade and replies, "Demon Scourge, Bloodmace and myself must depart. They must meet with Zodron the Minstrel in Jenkabala, across the time desert. The three companions climbed down the butte to the desert floor and set off to cross the Time Desert as the sky burned blood red. Skyrock looked out art the fading dots from the top of the tower and turned to Birdblood. "Now it begins"

Fortunately for us, the best was yet to come. Church of Misery, from Japan blasted through the Nest of Evil, shaking the chandlers and cracking the plaster as Birdblood and Maddaughter Tesa sparred with laser swords in the ballroom. We listened to their 2001 opus, Master of Brutality and it really swept the night. Here was the band we were looking for, an aggregation that had a real psychedelic edge and like the peak of a bad acid trip, the music dwells in the twilight world of nightmares and blood. Leaving a trail of viscera and evil vibes, the Church of Misery took the night in a stunning come from behind victory!

Words of the Elders

The circle is complete. Demon Scourge and Bloodmace have set out on the path of fate. The pieces are on the board and the game is afoot. This is the beginning of the legend, a prelude to the legendary rule of the immortal brothers who would bring together the tribes of Centon against this evil tyrant!

Until next week, hellhammers of destiny,

Horns