Bestial Darkness - The Black Metal Legacy of Duchess VonDoom

Alas! Empires are built on the backs and blood of slaves and whores, only to crumble when the slaves and whores take over. A never ending cycle. The old Jenkabala stands in ruin, but alas, a new shining fortress arises from the blood of old tyrants. In the meantime, a lot of black fucking metal was listened to. Black metal is the music of fading castles and dethroned empire. This will be short, as a horde of nettle trolls seeks to cover me with poison burrs. Let us contemplate with razor studded blackjacks!

We ventured over to the realm of Duchess Von Doom, and she showed us the sodden delights of forest obsessed anarcho-black metal. L'Acephale's first album Stahlhartes Gehäuse kicked our asses immediately. It is an eclectic brew of necro wizardry and acoustic atmospherics. It is by turns psychedelic and psychically frought with nightmare visions of inner and outer hate. This is an album to return to for repeated listens.

And then the Duchess put a spell on us and made us kill for her bidding, which was rather unnecessary, since we would have fucking done it anyway, but you know how dramatic these witches have to be. So I can't remeber what else we listened to that enchanted evening. The following week, just yesterday actually, we heard some black metal, at the new restored and just slightly relocated Jenkabala Palace. It pretty great.

Marduk's Nightwing opus started out the evening. Considered by some to be their classic, and considered by many nerds to be a hunk of over-produced shit, it's either love it or hate it with this album. It's a pretty average by todays standards, having influenced much in it's wake. There are fast part and there are slow parts. There are dynamics. It's a great black metal album. What else do you want from me??

 Adventure In Samur Part 19.1 - Swords and Tequila

We were still dematerialized in the dimensional gate when the assault on Jenkabala began. Bloodmace, Mistress Crowbastard and I had exited from the portal in Headron's castle, on the way to northern Samur to reunite with our bodies after shedding them in order to travel to Narn, but many miles south our allies had converged on the ancient fortress. Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush had joined forces with Baron Lotar and his royal guard, crossing the Time Desert in a fearsome convoy. Lady Steel and her warrior priestesses, who had stayed on in Samur after the battle with the Wyvern came from the west, joining Duchess VonDoom and her party in the mysterious forest. Fester Blackheart and Ophelia Skullbourne roared across the eastern shore with their jeep brigade and Iron Dan emerged from his mystical hut to ride with Frostor the Bounty Hunter. The legion of heroes gathered in darkness, unseen by the gray guardians of those areas controlled by Headron. When Duchess VonDoom could sense the magic of the battle jackets unleashed in the dimension of Narn she called to the wind and it carried her message to each ear. Even as we slipped on our skins in the frozen north, Frostor was silently making a pathway of dead guards that led to the very doors of the occupied villa. By the time we had joined our powers to transport to our ancestral home, Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush were leading a platoon of saurons into the breach. Arrows and laser bolts flew as magic blades were rending spectral flesh under the cruel moon.

Next, Satanic Warmaster's Nachzerer ravaged our anuses in a surprising happy way. On the surface, this is a pretty typical Finnish OTT black metal album, who try to out Satanize their fellow Scandinavian brethren. But the chord structures are joyous and triumphant rather than ravaging and evil. This is the music of Satan's ultimate glory over that bastard Nazz fucker, that fucking piece of shit Jesus Christ. This provoke an argument between me and Demon Scourge, one that almost ended with blood splattered on the walls of his new apartment. I conceded that there were major chords and not minor ones. He conceded that this was not a Midnight album. A truce was called. Order was restored. A winner for the evening was declared.

Adventure In Samur Part 19.2 - Laughter of the Ancients

Into the chaos our trio of adventurers winged, materializing among the combatants in the shadow of the great palace. From the ground, hideous goblins arose, swinging their gnarled arms like deadly whips. Many were wounded and dying on the battlefield, both spirit and flesh. We had thought it would be over for Headron's forces when we destroyed their leader in Narn, but they fought on. Who was controlling them? At once, a vast cloud blacked out the moon and from the tower above a trollish voice rang out, distorted and hypnotic. A voice of Iron that mocked us, "you will never approach this throne room, I am in control here. You thought you could defeat me by defeating that bumbling clod, Headron? Ha! I am a thousand times worse. You will be begging for his return as I squeeze the blood from your people. Heed me mortals, go back and submit to my will or face my mighty wrath! I am Necro Baby! Hahahaha!" There is a great thudding that shakes the ground, growing louder and louder, then a cry goes up from one of the soldiers, "Aye! There she is!" Two tremendous toads lumber into view from behind the castle. Upon their backs ride five or six cloaked mummies, shrived forms cradled in jeweled seats, firing laser cannons that rain death upon all and sundry. Bloodmace has had enough. He rushes to the front of the fray, dodging the deadly blasts that send bodies flying into the air in a jumble of bloody parts. Standing before the enemy creatures, he grabs hold of the Blasphemy patch and  lets out a bestial howl that becomes a razor sharp beam of power that shoots through one of the toads, rending it in half where it is suspended in the air for the briefest of moments. There is a sharp clap, then the whole beast explodes, showering the area with pulpy gore. Necro Baby, still unseen, speaks again, "You leave me no choice. Kill them all, minions, kill them!" From the castle issue fourth a legion of twisted creatures, death riders and demons who devour our forces mercilessly. All seems lost, but there is suddenly a sound that envelops all and to a slow funeral beat, the ghostly sectaurians ride on a carpet of blue light, their stallions galloping dreamily into the melee, driving Necro Baby's army before them. A roar goes up from the ranks and again we charge at the castle , this time encountering little resistance.  Bloodmace and I make our way through the battalions of Centon and stand before the great sourwood door that opens into the castle grounds. Turning to Bloodmace I say, "I know not who this new adversary is, but now is the time we take back our legacy or destroy it." I hold out my arm and Bloodmace grips it. The door, with an angry groan, swings open.

Next, black metal fanboy favs Taake swept us up in it's evil flow with it's eponymous 2008 album. Lot's of fanboys constantly suck this bands dick. The Metal Archives are filled up with glowing reviews of this band, so I am tempted to bring them down a notch. Alas, they do not merit such abuse. I wasn't as taken with this album as Demon, but this very much seems to me the type of album that takes a few listens before getting sucked in for good. A worthy band, necro as fuck, many inventive riffs and changes. I can't knock 'em. I will be checking out some of the other albums.

Words of the Elders

In our next episode, Bloodmace and Demon Scourge storm Jenkabala Palace to unseat the bold usurper, Necro Baby!

Until next week, mauling minions, 

Horns