Bestial Darkness - The Black Metal Legacy of Duchess VonDoom

Alas! Empires are built on the backs and blood of slaves and whores, only to crumble when the slaves and whores take over. A never ending cycle. The old Jenkabala stands in ruin, but alas, a new shining fortress arises from the blood of old tyrants. In the meantime, a lot of black fucking metal was listened to. Black metal is the music of fading castles and dethroned empire. This will be short, as a horde of nettle trolls seeks to cover me with poison burrs. Let us contemplate with razor studded blackjacks!

We ventured over to the realm of Duchess Von Doom, and she showed us the sodden delights of forest obsessed anarcho-black metal. L'Acephale's first album Stahlhartes Gehäuse kicked our asses immediately. It is an eclectic brew of necro wizardry and acoustic atmospherics. It is by turns psychedelic and psychically frought with nightmare visions of inner and outer hate. This is an album to return to for repeated listens.

And then the Duchess put a spell on us and made us kill for her bidding, which was rather unnecessary, since we would have fucking done it anyway, but you know how dramatic these witches have to be. So I can't remeber what else we listened to that enchanted evening. The following week, just yesterday actually, we heard some black metal, at the new restored and just slightly relocated Jenkabala Palace. It pretty great.

Marduk's Nightwing opus started out the evening. Considered by some to be their classic, and considered by many nerds to be a hunk of over-produced shit, it's either love it or hate it with this album. It's a pretty average by todays standards, having influenced much in it's wake. There are fast part and there are slow parts. There are dynamics. It's a great black metal album. What else do you want from me??

 Adventure In Samur Part 19.1 - Swords and Tequila

We were still dematerialized in the dimensional gate when the assault on Jenkabala began. Bloodmace, Mistress Crowbastard and I had exited from the portal in Headron's castle, on the way to northern Samur to reunite with our bodies after shedding them in order to travel to Narn, but many miles south our allies had converged on the ancient fortress. Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush had joined forces with Baron Lotar and his royal guard, crossing the Time Desert in a fearsome convoy. Lady Steel and her warrior priestesses, who had stayed on in Samur after the battle with the Wyvern came from the west, joining Duchess VonDoom and her party in the mysterious forest. Fester Blackheart and Ophelia Skullbourne roared across the eastern shore with their jeep brigade and Iron Dan emerged from his mystical hut to ride with Frostor the Bounty Hunter. The legion of heroes gathered in darkness, unseen by the gray guardians of those areas controlled by Headron. When Duchess VonDoom could sense the magic of the battle jackets unleashed in the dimension of Narn she called to the wind and it carried her message to each ear. Even as we slipped on our skins in the frozen north, Frostor was silently making a pathway of dead guards that led to the very doors of the occupied villa. By the time we had joined our powers to transport to our ancestral home, Hellmaster and Lady Deathcrush were leading a platoon of saurons into the breach. Arrows and laser bolts flew as magic blades were rending spectral flesh under the cruel moon.

Next, Satanic Warmaster's Nachzerer ravaged our anuses in a surprising happy way. On the surface, this is a pretty typical Finnish OTT black metal album, who try to out Satanize their fellow Scandinavian brethren. But the chord structures are joyous and triumphant rather than ravaging and evil. This is the music of Satan's ultimate glory over that bastard Nazz fucker, that fucking piece of shit Jesus Christ. This provoke an argument between me and Demon Scourge, one that almost ended with blood splattered on the walls of his new apartment. I conceded that there were major chords and not minor ones. He conceded that this was not a Midnight album. A truce was called. Order was restored. A winner for the evening was declared.

Adventure In Samur Part 19.2 - Laughter of the Ancients

Into the chaos our trio of adventurers winged, materializing among the combatants in the shadow of the great palace. From the ground, hideous goblins arose, swinging their gnarled arms like deadly whips. Many were wounded and dying on the battlefield, both spirit and flesh. We had thought it would be over for Headron's forces when we destroyed their leader in Narn, but they fought on. Who was controlling them? At once, a vast cloud blacked out the moon and from the tower above a trollish voice rang out, distorted and hypnotic. A voice of Iron that mocked us, "you will never approach this throne room, I am in control here. You thought you could defeat me by defeating that bumbling clod, Headron? Ha! I am a thousand times worse. You will be begging for his return as I squeeze the blood from your people. Heed me mortals, go back and submit to my will or face my mighty wrath! I am Necro Baby! Hahahaha!" There is a great thudding that shakes the ground, growing louder and louder, then a cry goes up from one of the soldiers, "Aye! There she is!" Two tremendous toads lumber into view from behind the castle. Upon their backs ride five or six cloaked mummies, shrived forms cradled in jeweled seats, firing laser cannons that rain death upon all and sundry. Bloodmace has had enough. He rushes to the front of the fray, dodging the deadly blasts that send bodies flying into the air in a jumble of bloody parts. Standing before the enemy creatures, he grabs hold of the Blasphemy patch and  lets out a bestial howl that becomes a razor sharp beam of power that shoots through one of the toads, rending it in half where it is suspended in the air for the briefest of moments. There is a sharp clap, then the whole beast explodes, showering the area with pulpy gore. Necro Baby, still unseen, speaks again, "You leave me no choice. Kill them all, minions, kill them!" From the castle issue fourth a legion of twisted creatures, death riders and demons who devour our forces mercilessly. All seems lost, but there is suddenly a sound that envelops all and to a slow funeral beat, the ghostly sectaurians ride on a carpet of blue light, their stallions galloping dreamily into the melee, driving Necro Baby's army before them. A roar goes up from the ranks and again we charge at the castle , this time encountering little resistance.  Bloodmace and I make our way through the battalions of Centon and stand before the great sourwood door that opens into the castle grounds. Turning to Bloodmace I say, "I know not who this new adversary is, but now is the time we take back our legacy or destroy it." I hold out my arm and Bloodmace grips it. The door, with an angry groan, swings open.

Next, black metal fanboy favs Taake swept us up in it's evil flow with it's eponymous 2008 album. Lot's of fanboys constantly suck this bands dick. The Metal Archives are filled up with glowing reviews of this band, so I am tempted to bring them down a notch. Alas, they do not merit such abuse. I wasn't as taken with this album as Demon, but this very much seems to me the type of album that takes a few listens before getting sucked in for good. A worthy band, necro as fuck, many inventive riffs and changes. I can't knock 'em. I will be checking out some of the other albums.

Words of the Elders

In our next episode, Bloodmace and Demon Scourge storm Jenkabala Palace to unseat the bold usurper, Necro Baby!

Until next week, mauling minions, 

Horns

Processional Chant - Of USBM and Duchess Von Doom

Duchess Von Doom....the mysterious woodland survival witch, dropped by with a gaggle of goodies in her bag of human skin. Let's have a gander in the holy mountain, shall we?

First, the Duchesses unveiled the most mysterious and obscure of the bands she dredged from the depths of American scene. Hail, is a dark and weird black metal band from Portland Oregon whose cassette release, Blood Revenge of Death, is so murky and so obscure, that I had to enter its existence in the hallowed Encyclopedia Metallum my goddamn self!!!!!!! It contains 4 inky black and quite lengthy song things. This is the most necro thing I have ever heard. The necro cassette deck blasted forth putrid tones of analog rape. I really could make out much of what was going on, but this is how black metal is meant to be heard, maggots. I killed myself  7 times during this album, only to rise from the dead to worship at the altar of filth. It is well and good that this album is so obscure, as the widespread propagation of this album would surely release ravaging caco-daemons upon the earth. It is quite beyond review.

Here is a track from their first album, since this one does not exist in digital format.


Chronicles of the North Part 14.1 - Island of Domination

Dawn was breaking across the Jenkabala forest. I awoke wondering where I was, as the last place I remember being was inside the vast sourwood tree with Fester Blackheart, Ophelia Skullbourne and Hell Wraith. My eyes, adjusting to the gray dawn, could make out the forms of my companions and slowly I made my way through the labyrinth of memory. We had convinced Parth-Amon,guardian of the Garm, to allow us to start that dread spellamplifier, and it had worked. I recall there being much commotion, it seemed as though the walls would cave in around us and there was an unwholesome 

 groaning emanating from above, then nothing. We were in a crater huge enough to make me believe the tree had been knocked over, but by what? We had been in the root chamber of the great plant, why had we not been pulled out of the ground with it? I stood and began to walk around. The Garm seemed untouched as well, it's gears still grinding away. That's when I realize we were not at the bottom of the crater, but in the middle. Beyond the machinery, there is an abyss that separates the edge of the floor where I stand and the wall of the crater left by the falling tree. Walking around the perimeter, I can see that there is no passage to the other side, we are trapped here as if on an island. Hell Wraith lies behind me and I wake him first. He opens his eyes and says, "Suspended in the air?" 

I nod my head, he continues. "I tried to stay conscious as long as I could but the last thing I remember is hearing that sound then Parth-Amon was drawing a spell with his hands. Everything was shaking violently, at first it felt like we were moving but there was no inertia, it had no feeling..." As Hell Wraith trails off, Fester calls out from across the floating mesa, "Hey, you guys okay? If anybody's hungry I have some torf!" Opening a briefcase he carries with him, Fester produces several sheets of deep fried dough with sweet and savory fillings, a specialty of his people. "They're delicious!" Hollers Ophelia, waving a thumbs up. Troubled as I am by our situation, torf is a delicacy I have not sampled since before my stay in the realms of death. The four of us munch portentously, staring over the side of our floating prison. "Hai! You there!" At once we whirl around to see a figure perched on the other side of the chasm. Clad in the sacred denim and leather of the north, her black locks hang down around the patch covered vestments. "Explain yourselves fools!" One by one, a group of about twenty heavily armed magic users arrive to flank her on either side. Fester leans over to me and whispers, "Shit, it's Duchess Von Doom and the Narset Coven. We may be in trouble."

Well,as we peeled ourselves from the floor after that motherfucker, the Duchess decided to fuck with our souls with a diabolically quiet affair from a trio of witches from Olympia, WA. Vradiazei is an acoustic band, and their cassette release, Ancient Church, is a dark folk band whose only real claim to anything metal a collection of minor chords and galloping rhythms. Featuring banjo, cello, acoustic guitar and fiddle, this calls upon the spirits of Dark Americana, of bodies found in bogs and hollers, of New England witchcraft, and whispers in forgotten graveyards. This was truly an analog delight, but it did not win the night. No, indeed.

This is an even more obscure band with no YouTube presence, so you know they're cool.


 Chronicles of the North Part 14.2 - Blood Von

From across the gaping divide Duchess Von Doom can be seen making spellsigns with her hands. At the end of this series of complicated sigils she pushes out with her hands then draws them quickly toward herself again. Slowly, the little piece of ground we occupy with the Garm begins drifting toward her. When we bump up against the side and climb up to the forest floor, a grisly sight awaits. The titanic sourwood tree has indeed fallen, and its aspect dwarfs us. As far as the eye can see there is carnage from the battle. The vanquished Wyverns lie crumpled beneath the holes they have torn in the forest canopy after falling victim to Chanthoth's Garm-enhanced spell. Sauron and human warriors are scattered about and large scavenger birds pluck at the remains. For the first time today, I reflect on the whereabouts of our party. I am interrupted in my thoughts by the voice of the Duchess, "Now, what are you doing in my realm? I know you Demon Scourge, death follows in your path. You presence here means that blood will flow in Jenkabala and Samur." The others have backed away and the dark sorceress and I stand face to face in the middle of a circle of eyes. "I see you have been granted the sacred armor of our people, but you have no real idea of its power or just how dangerous it might be to you and your friends. In your race to destroy and make war you have activated the Garm, and we now have to stop it before Headron can locate its position and use it to destroy us." She snaps her fingers and several of the coven follow her on to the floating disc of soil that holds the magical engine. The remainder of the dangerous looking Narcen surround us as Duchess Von Doom and her crew set to work dismantling the fence around the psychic 

amplifier. The Duchess goes into a trance and one of the clerics, with a mighty grunt snaps an outstretched hand to the whirring gears, witch grind immediately to a halt. As if under a massive 

strain, the complicated inner workings of the Garm begin to snap and crumble. Duchess Von Doom 

strains to keep the ground together as her brethren scurry up the hill. as the last of them claw their way on to the lip of the massive crater, she suddenly opens her eyes and the land beneath her feet crumbles away. With a serene look in her eyes she slaps her hand on the Vradiazei patch on the denim battle jacket she wears and as I observe her disappearing into the pit the Duchess Von Doom materializes beside the coven of Narset. In a commanding tone she pronounces her judgment, "You and your brother, Bloodmace have been deceived by the leaders of a world you do not understand. You and your party shall accompany us to Samur where Mistress Crowbastard shall instruct you in the ancient ways of the Chevelargo and Hiuksetl. You have gathered about you the finest group of metalheads Centon has ever known but you will be tested in Jenkabala and the only way you will prevail is to learn the secrets hidden in the past by the rulers of today. Gather your party, we depart in the morning." At once, Duchess Von Doom and her party march into the shadowy forest. In the dissipating morning fog, I catch a flicker of light from behind a tree as they quickly pass. Frostor, puffing on a cigar, gives me a wide grin.

The winner of the night was a sludge/doom one man band from lumber lands of Salem, Oregon, Hell, and their second album, simply monickered II. 4 songs, each averaging 15 minutes long. This is long, drawn out torture music, perfect for a dark and stormy night with your headless bride. Lots of slow grinding atmosphere, and riffs the size of the SunnO))). And, as this was the only digital offering of the night, each dirgy note crisply presented in full sonic majesty. Anguish and despair on crystal meth. You know the deal. Quite soothing.

Call to the sky boat! The metal militia has emerged from the battle victorious! But what of Bloodmace? Has he perished in the wood prison along with the secrets of the T'Chah Karnac? What of Baron Lotar, Lady Deathcrush and Hellmaster? Destiny sings to the champions of Centon, calling them to plunge deep in to the heart of snow-covered Samur, land of mystery, soul of Centon! Who will follow and who will be lost on the road to glory? 

Until next week, necronecks, 




Horns