A Titan's Chain - Ketchup in Western Centon and a Peek at the Necro Castle

Alas, the Metal Night barbarians returneth from the meth binge vacation lands of Trailor. Oh such debauchery! The famed metal goat of Trailor hath been fucked to deth by black metal fiends. We watched as sweated babies consumed PBR by the gallons! We watched as the scarecrow women were set on fire by their troll boyfriends, who hath meth for blood. The wankerous wallow wimps of Emoshire doth cut themselves, but to no avail. FOR WE HATH RETURNED!!!!!!! We require metal for sustenance. Ok, onto the tunes.

First we heard a succession of recent traditional metal bands. From the desolate wastelands of Detroit come Borrowed Time and their 2013 self titled debut. This album is really fucking cool. Instead of simply riffing on Maiden, Priest, Fate, or any of the other typical reference bands that neo trad bands use, Manilla Road provides the primary inspiration. Tasteful keyboards, epic structures, organic textures and an air of mystery prevail. This was my favorite for the night

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Into the Necro Lands Part 5.1 - Dawn for the Glory Rider 

Dim light filtered down from the luminous fungi on the ceiling of the root chamber. Before us were Ophelia Skullbourne and Fester Blackheart, possessed by the spirit of their gods. From their instruments poured the wisdom of this ancient tribe who had arrived on Centon even before the days of the Hiuksetl and Chevelargo. The majestic din filled our ears and even Losi, Birdblood and Tesa, who were not acquainted with the Samurian rebels who had assisted us in the battle with the Wyvern elders, were enraptured by the strange hymns of old. The music builds to a terrifying crescendo and Ophilia Skullbourne, screaming, knocks her drums in every direction as Fester hurls his guitar

towards us, barely missing Chanthoth's head. The weird wizard, smiling, applauds as he approaches the duo, "Some of you already know Fester and Ophelia, some of you do not. They have their own score to settle with the Necro twins and are well versed in the art of guerrilla warfare. Together with your knowledge of the terrain, lady Birdblood, you should be able to expel the usurpers from your kingdom." Greetings were exchanged all around and Opheilia, in her ripped black jeans and fur vest, strides over to a hutch carved into the far wall and produces a long necked carafe and eight small glasses, "We shall drink of the oolurt to welcome you into our home. Each of us takes a delicate stemmed glass and raise it in the air as Fester toasts, "To Chanthoth, Samur and Escar we drink, may the kingdoms of Centon into mire sink. The corruption of all stems from within, turns man against man and kin against kin." The viscous green liquid has a sweet, sharp burn when I drain the glass, followed by the overpowering scent of sourwood blossoms rising through my mouth and nose. Smiles break out and Fester shows us to some secondary rooms where our party can rest until we set

off. Opheilia brings us blankets while the leather jacketed Fester prepares bokbala stew. "We shall travel by spider. " Interjects the punk priestess, "It's the fastest way." Chanthoth pipes in, "I shall accompany you to the area where you will need to surface and grow a passage there." Without looking up from the task of sharpening her swords, Maddaughter Tesa adds, "They know we're coming, that's for sure. They tracked us this far, I doubt Necro Baby will call her army home now. We step right into their trap by trying to confront the undead hordes head on. By now every corpse for hundreds of miles is gathered above us." Again, a mischievous smile creeps across Chanthoth's face, "My lady, have you ever heard of the Garm?"

Secondly, Natur's 2012 debut Head Of Death succored us with it's no frills neo-NWOBHM attack. This band is strictly ok, and adheres to the pleasant mediocrity that most of the original geezers aspired to. Janky vocals, pleasingly organic guitar tones, and a slight stoner vibe are to be found here. Not a screaming iron fest, but still an iron fest.

More brash and two fisted metal were West Coast crazies Skelator and their 2010 meat platter Death To All Nations. This is trad metal firmly rooted in the early 80's Metal Blade sound, but with modern production values, so this will make you shit out off all orifices if this is your particular aural enema. Deon Scourge loved this. I thought there was much to be admired, but Borrowed Time stole my heart.

Into the Necro Lands Part 5.2 - Symphony of the Night

The sky is gray and foreboding above Keep Hellbane, capitol of the Necro lands. Fine snow fills the air in a frozen mist that shrouds the castle, turning it into a great black smudge in an ocean of gloom. Inky ducks crowd lazily near the shore of the moat, scattering at the heavy footfalls of Iron James. Corpsepainted and morose, the Necro prince strides through dim corridors. The opulent and forlorn

elegance of this ancient domicile cradles him as he opens the door to the throne room. There to greet him is his sister, the hissing child leader of all the Necro kingdoms, "Your troops have drawn the rebels into our snare. Where are they?" Her lip curls up as she regards Iron James. Having already been informed of his folly, the evil toddler grills him relentlessly, "Why do I not see the bloody heads of the foolish interlopers before me? Have you lost them in our own backyard?" The weary warrior finally has had enough, "Quiet with this babble, we know where they are headed. The area is teeming with our soldiers, they have no chance if they show themselves." Flames leap high out of the brazier before them as Necro Baby's temper flares, "Be off with you, your carelessness will cost us this kingdom if I were not to take care of your problems" The heavily painted eyes of the necromancer queen close and the fire dies down to coals. The door glides noiselessly to a close as Iron James' steps echo into the cold, grim air.

Afterwords, We went on a German happy power metal kick with three epic panzer strength albums from Gamma Ray, who are considered one of the founding fathers of power metal. They formed after Kai Hanson left Helloween to form this band with Primal Fear vocalist Ralf Scheepers. Their first album, Heading For Tomorrow, is firmly in the Helloween style, with big happy choruses and galloping rhythms, but showcase a bombastic and weird Queen influence, which made this the album of the 2nd night (we feasted on metal for days) for me.

Ship ahead to 2005, and Gamma Ray are still pumping out the power metal with Majestic. A juggernaut of shining positivity, this album still pretty much sounds like every other power metal band in existence, existing to force the melodic fist of glory up many a willing anus. Music for sword fighting and gallivanting in space, which is a reoccurring theme with this band.

Jump back to 1997, when exactly 15 people were still into this style of metal in the United States, and Gamma Ray are happily and stubbornly churning out albums like Somewhere Out In Space, a much beloved gem of this band's oeuvre. Less quirky than the debut, and less generic than the later album, this is simply a great power metal album, absolutely everything that you would expect, but done with vigor, enthusiasm, and balls. BALLS TO THE WALL, MAN!!!!!!!!!!


Words of the Elders

O hundred gods, find favor with the deeds of these heroes! O Hasyra and Shperon, light the dark with your golden blades! The winter hornets can still sting in summer and yet the takka bear sleeps in the day. What is the mystery of the mournful land of the half dead and almost living and what plans do they have for the league of heroes? 

Until next week, ruthless raiders, 

Horns